[oceanica]

So Keonte's dedication is coming up (planned for easter sunday) and we are going up north to do it at our church. Hubby's family is likely to have a celebration like they did for Athena at one of his many sibling's houses. The trouble is that there is one sister who has a real problem. She has twin boys about 7 years old and a 5 year old. She and her husband are heavy drinkers and they smoke in the house and car continually so that the little squirts stink like smoke from their hair to their shoes. But that's not even the worst thing. This past thanksgiving at another sister's house they started drinking because there was alcohol and they got sloshed as usual and when they went to drive home they were almost falling down drunk. The sister's husband doesn't drive any more because he lost his license with so many duis. So sister packs the kids in the car and gets ready to roar out of there, but somebody is parked behind her. She comes back in and asks them to move and they say no because they want her to wait awhile... she gets mad, an ugly scene ensues, and finally all the cars behind her are moved and she drives home drunk. Occasionally someone will call the cops but the cops haven't stopped her yet. I just wonder if we can avoid this drama somehow. I can't not invite her because it's not even my house. That scene at thanksgiving was one of the worst I've seen and I'm just not up to it this time. Any ideas for what to do about her and how we can stop her from endangering her chidlren would be welcomed.

[binkybear]

How about take away the keys or not have alcohol?!?

I have to be honest, I'm utterly shocked that this woman was allowed to get in a car with innocent babies (children) in the car. Was every other adult there drunk and out of their minds too, to allow a "falling down drunk" to get behind the wheel....with little ones in the car??

Forget about Storms trying not to judge thread, this one here tops that definiton of need for judging and neglect for me personally...and it includes everyone who allowed her to leave. Talk about criminal negligence. I don't care what kind of scene she created or if she herself turned into Satan dancing on the kitchen counters in all his evil screaming glory.. don't let her drive...period. Every single adult person who allows her to drink in their home only to leave endangering her children's lives and the lives of strangers could be held accountable if she or he ever do meet tragedy behind the wheel. Wow, I'm just gobsmacked.

The only advice I can muster is to suggest not inviting them, not allowing any alcohol at all be present or swiping the keys and allowing any and all scenes to paly out on safe solid ground. Dear God, what if she kills another innocent family or child becuase no one wanted to deal with her scene.
I hope she/he get help, but for now protect those kids and strangers.

[oceanica]

Binky, you are right...
I don't know why we don't physically restrain her or something. We have taken her keys in the past. As for not serving alcohol... she will get it or bring it along so that doesn't help!
ETA I guess she wasn't really falling down but she was pretty slurry with her words this last time. Definitely too drunk to be driving around.

[binkybear]

If she brings her own or if he does, take it from them. Take the drink right out of their hands, even if it hits the floor. Paper towels are cheap, those kids are priceless. Poor it down the drain right there and then (I've done this before, as the drunk was tap dancing behind me with thier nonsense).

If you guys choose to make it clear there is zero alcohol permitted at the function and they don't come...so be it. If they show up and leave sober and angry so be it.

It's bad enough they might be doing this out of sight but when you see it you just have to stop it, even if it's hard or uncomfortable. If not for them for every other person they could tragically destroy (including yourself if they trace the drinking back to your event). You guys could loose everything if she leaves "your" function and has an accident. Ugh, those poor kids. And what a waste of time and energy for everyone involved.

[reetoreet]

The first thing that comes to my mind is the babies. You could not invite them but that wouldn't change a thing (except for keeping them from ruining Keonte's dedication, which might not work if they find out they are not invited and ruin it anyway). They would still be drinking and driving with their kids in the car. It's sad, and a terrible situation to be in, but I would have to say something if it were me. I used to work in foster care and child welfare...I can't keep my mouth shut (sometimes to a fault)!

[lovemy2boys]

Originally Posted by binkybear

You guys could loose everything if she leaves "your" function and has an accident.

Binky's right. I won't even touch on the negligence since she already did that, and quite well...

But we just had an accident here the night before St. Pattys day - 4 teens were sitting at a red light, on their way to get a pizza. A woman who was 3 times the legal limit plowed into them - slammed them into a pole, killed 3 instantly - the fourth passed on a few hours later.

Come to find out, this woman was drinking at a home with another couple. The police were called to this house for a domestic dispute between the couple, but saw how drunk the woman was. They told her NOT to get behind the wheel of the car, but had no legal recourse to arrest her, as she was not doing anything wrong. Police went to another accident site...then received the call about this one. They get there, and see the woman they had just talked to an hour before.

Guess who is getting sued? The police, the couple whose home she was at, AND the homeowner (rental house).

AND, this woman's 17 year old daughter is now receiving death threats (why? because people are insane).

I know this is WAAY OT and sorry to hijack - but this was my community. This woman was drinking 1/2 mile from my house. This could have been MY family. Don't let it be yours.

[missymissus]

Maybe having lost someone I loved to a drunk driver makes me a little more sensitive than some would be, but I really believe you need to do whatever you can to keep people from driving drunk.

Do what you can to minimize the presence of alcohol in your presence, take their keys, and call the cops every time you know they are drunk driving.

Its bad enough that they are creating family drama and then risking their own lives, but they are risking the lives of their children and everyone else on the road.

[CaddoRose]

If you can't avoid the family members getting drunk, then you have the choice to leave before it gets too bad or stay and do something to ensure they don't drive away. I highly recommend doing something to the car so it won't start. My personal favorite is to remove the distributor cap just enough to keep it from firing. No spark, no go. Flat tires work well, but they are easily seen and something in the engine isn't. Takes a long time to figure it out.

On the serious side, it really sounds like the family needs to get together without her and have a real conversation about it. Sounds like she needs an intervention and soon. But be forewarned- an alcoholic has to want to stop and get help. I would suggest talking to someone who specializes in helping families deal with this issues it is so complex.

[aspenhall]

Yeah, this sounds like a zero tolerance issue.

If you can tell someone's been drinking, they're too drunk to drive PERIOD.

I'm gobsmacked too....I'd disable the battery and the dist cap and the starter fuse...and ....and......and....

[TxMom65]

This will be a party in honor of your child? I would have my husband call his sister and tell her that we didn't want her or her husband to drink and have another scene like Thanksgiving. If it made her mad and she didn't show up, that would be great.

I would be furious if she got in a car with her kids drunk. Sadly, she probably does it all the time. I would give the police in her town a heads up with her car make, color and plate ID.

[gwenrenee007]

Maybe I am way off but if she is driving while drunk with the kids in the car I would call CPS. How horrible would everyone feel if there was an accident where she injured her children (or killed them) or someone else. I know this isn't what you were looking for but it really gets under my skin when people drink and drive and my word with her own children in the car - just unbelievable!

[emtb79]

I agree with TxMom call the cops when the party gets started tell them that it is a 100% chance she will be sloshed with kids in her car on the way home. If you know anyone that is a cop maybe they could do you a favor and sit down the street and wait. I'm in MD and the cops would love to catch a person that did this. Also perhaps have a video camera ready for the blow up when she wants to leave sloshed. Then if she manages to drive away you have evidence to bring to the cops or CPS. Or remove the battery completely and hide it I ahve done this a couple of times.

[ourdreamcametru]

For us, alcohol is NEVER allowed at any function where children are present--NEVER!!! The lives of these children are too precious and you don't get a second chance with lives so what ever it took would be done to make sure there was no drinking and driving. I would make it clear up front that if we were coming and there was a celebration in honor of my child there would be no nonsense, no alcohol/drugs etc and it would be a family enviroment point blank. If the family can't meet these standards there will be no gathering!!! Sorry to sound so blunt but frankly I am beside myself that ANYONE allowed the car to leave the driveway with children in tow, why didn't someone at least take the children out and keep them behind???!!!! Not only are the children put in danger now but this is behavior that they are being taught is okay when they are grown. A HUGE NO NO ALL THE WAY AROUND,

[oceanica]

I like the distributor cap idea, except I'd probably take of the windsheild wiper fluid cap instead... I am clueless when it comes to cars!
And people, taking something away from this person is not an option. Nice idea Binky, but I kind of like my teeth the way they are instead of being knocked down my throat, which is what would happen. The only way you could take anything from her (keys, alcohol etc) would be to have about 4 police officers with handcuffs and a tazer. This is a person who fought with an assailant for her purse while he was holding a gun to her head. She's an animal, for sure. Not moving the cars wouldve been the best thing I think.

[TxMom65]

At some point someone will have to confront them about their drinking. Not at a party or event but because it is dangerous anytime. He has already had so many DUI's he can't drive anymore? They need help.
I know it is easy for me to sit here and say that because it isn't my family and I don't know the dynamics, but I do know that it is a miracle that they haven't killed someone by drinking and driving. Personally, I wouldn't allow my kids around someone who is drunk. We don't drink around our kids, just a personal choice. I have friends who do but just a glass of wine and it is not a big deal. Again, personal choice. Driving drunk puts everyone in danger.