[committedsoul]

Tune in now, if you can... They are doing a reality show about two teen moms placing their babies for adoption and the decisions and emotions they are facing...

In one scenario, the dad wants to keep his child.

This will be on until 11AM EST

[jbee]

Originally Posted by committedsoul

Tune in now, if you can... They are doing a reality show about two teen moms placing their babies for adoption and the decisions and emotions they are facing...

In one scenario, the dad wants to keep his child.

This will be on until 11AM EST

i was watching that too!

[JustCourtney]

Me, too! I heard it was going to be on this weekend, but missed it. I was excited to see it on now!

[aclee]

I wonder if you'll be able to watch it on-line...anyone know?

[SupaModel]

I'm watching it too!

[thanksgivingmom]

What are your thoughts on it?? I've missed it so far and have been really nervous about how the show is handled.....

[JustCourtney]

Well, I missed the first 15 minutes or so, which was the set-up so to speak. I was also trying to feed Nate and get some stuff done, so it didn't have my total attention, but this was my surface analysis:

It presented 2 emoms that were working on adoption plans. The first woman was an adoptee herself, raised by a single mom, currently unemployed with no support from the baby's father, and was considering placing with a distant cousin. Ultimately, she took the baby to her mother's house (not sure how long, but I got the impression it was a few days at least), but then decided to place her with her cousin and her husband. It was extremely emotional and did not sugar coat her pain. They showed her getting counseling before and after the birth, and the cousin was pretty much crying in the background the entire time. They have an open adoption where she sees them every 2 weeks and they attend support group together. Again, this was a family placement.

The second woman had become pregnant while broken up with her girlfriend. They were back together, and she had found a gay couple online to adopt her baby. The baby's father was currently unemployed, living with his parents, and raising his 6 year old alone (with help from his parents). He was confident the entire time that he wanted to raise the baby, but did agree to meet the couple and discuss it. In the end her girlfriend dumped her, she moved in with the baby's father, and they did not go through with the adoption. A month after the baby was born, she was kicked out/left and the baby stayed with the father. She was visibly upset about it all.

Not really sure how I feel about it all. I am really glad that the aparents were fairly marginal, and that it did focus on the birth families and their perspective since that is what it was supposed to be. It definitely wasn't all happy endings and smiles for everyone. In fact, I am pretty sure every person involved either cried or was reported as having cried at some point.


Anyone else's thoughts?

[thanksgivingmom]

Thanks for the update Court....I'm kind of impressed that they featured someone who ended up parenting (the father of that baby). How do you think they dealt with the "failed match"?

[aallen25]

I think you covered it all, Courtney!

I agree, the show did do a great job of not sugarcoating adoption at all. I believe at one point the emom in the first situation said she wanted to die in her sleep so she didn't have to feel the pain. It was very real.

I have to say, I felt bad for the woman in the second situation. She seemed very set in her adoption plan and deeply upset at the end of the show talking about how she had a chance to give her daughter the best or a great life (something like that) and she blew it. I hope she can get past any guilt (or whatever she is feeling) and be a part of her daughter's life.

Anyway....that's my two cents....

[JustCourtney]

aallen - That was absolutely heartbreaking! I don't think anyone who watched would ever doubt how much she loves her baby.

As far as dealing with the failed match, they did okay. They mentioned on several occasions that the potential adoptive parents were very much aware that the father was planning on parenting. They already had a 3 year old daughter they had adopted, so they knew the score. I commend the father for calling them himself and breaking it to them before the baby was born. After the call they talked about how guilty they felt, how much they liked the couple, and hard was to hear them start to cry on the phone - but, how happy they would be to have their baby. Obviously, it didn't work out exactly. I do hope she can be a part of the babies life in some way down the road.

Speaking only as an adoptive parent, I think it would be good for anyone considering adoption or waiting to see. I know that I was not prepared for the intense sadness surrounding my son's birth - both his first mom's and mine. I just keep seeing the adoptive mother/cousin crying and remembering Nate's first mom asking me if I was ok! I was such a wreck she even called to make sure we were happy and still wanted him the day after we came home! Such an emotional complex and layered situation for everyone involved.

[mommy3]

I really appreciated that this show took the perspective of the expectant moms and that the adoptive parents were really not featured to any degree, except via the concern of the expectant parents. I did feel deeply for both expectant moms, the one who later was working so diligently to turn her life around following her baby's birth and the 2nd who felt such remorse for not being strong about her decision to place. The issues added such dimension to expectant mother/parent decisions, the depth of the confusion, the pain and so much more. It reminded me of a dear friend's child's birthmom who said, "There wasn't a 4th choice that would take away the pain and confusion--or one that one make everyone happy; I had to choose between abortion, parenting and adoption, period." susan

[Prettyboicris]

Originally Posted by aclee

I wonder if you'll be able to watch it on-line...anyone know?

Honestly they will replay it for another week, jsut check the TV listings, but you can watch it online.

[Prettyboicris]

I watched it with my wife and she had a hard time because what happened with the failed adoption is what my wife fears the most. She knows that it is a very real possibility but one that she has no desire to face.

[sbaglio]

Originally Posted by Prettyboicris

I watched it with my wife and she had a hard time because what happened with the failed adoption is what my wife fears the most. She knows that it is a very real possibility but one that she has no desire to face.

I haven't been able to watch it, but I'm glad that you and your wife were able to before you're too far into the process. Not all adoption stories are like that, but some are, and that's the risk we all take when we start this journey. Our adoption experience was the complete opposite - our DD's bmom was certain about her choice, and always has been. That's not to say it has not been difficult for her (far from it), but we have a wonderful open relationship with her and her family.

I think we would all like to try to prevent our hearts being broken from a failed match, or a failed placement. There is just no way you can predict what will happen in the end. You just go in with your eyes wide open, and hope for the best. The goal, in the end, is to adopt a child, so focus on that.

[Vitality08]

I watched the epsiode when it was on and was very sad for both mothers. More so for the female in the second situation. You could tell she was so set on placing for adoption and she was incredibly hurt by her inability to parent.

I found myself extremely mad at the father for forcing her to cancel the adoption plans and annoyed when he complained that he was raising the baby on his own. I felt that he SHOULD do it all by himself since he forced her to keep the baby. On the other hand, I also felt that had the rolls been reversed (the dad wanted to place, but the mom didn't) that we would expect him to support the baby and be involved.

Overall, I hoped that she was able to heal and be in her baby's life but I still feel really bad for her.