[kellyjames]

I had posted that we had been matched with a young woman, "N," since January. All was going well; she and I had developed a good relationship, and I was taking her to her doctor's appointments, etc. Baby's father had already consented to the adoption, and we were ready to bring him home. He was born last Saturday (she and I spoke throughout the day); N called the next day to ask us to come to the hospital and pick him up on Monday the 9th. We saw her, talked, took pictures, met the baby, and she left; then, as we were waiting to take him home, she called her caseworker and said she'd changed her mind. So we came home without him.

I'm actually still in shock, I think. Throughout the last 2.5 months, she has constantly told me, "I'm sure; I want him to have a mom and dad; I know you're meant to be his parents; I think God meant for us to meet, etc. I wanted to believe her (and hoped she was right) but kept saying, "well, I appreciate that, but until he's born, you won't know for sure." I never "knew" that he was ours, and know I know why--because he wasn't. But it's still such a terrible loss for our family.

I *am* grateful that she didn't pick a couple who doesn't have a child yet. (We adopted our son at birth 3.5 years ago.) We came home to him (and my mom, who was here to babysit) instead of coming home to an empty house, and now we're just grieving and trying to decide what's next....do we keep "trying" for another baby, or do we move on and accept our family of three. We've been trying for #2 for 2 years now, and have had several failed matches and now this, which has definitely been the worst. I'm not sure if we're done, or not--I think my husband wants to move on (which I understand) but I'm not there yet. I still want another baby!

So, I'm on maternity leave, but without the baby. On the other hand, I have plenty of time to play cars with my son, answer questions about how many miles an hour a Porsche can go, and play basketball at the Y until the weather warms up. It has made me even more grateful for him (if that's even possible) and for his birth parents, who we have an open adoption with. They and the rest of our family and friends have been incredibly supportive and loving, which I appreciate.

Anyway, we'll take some time to grieve and then decide...what's next.

Kelly

[Fran27]

I'm so sorry Kelly.

[oceanica]

I know it's really hard to go through that.... just give your boy a great big smooch and hold him tight.
Hope you feel better soon.
(p.s. your company is very nice to let you have maternity leave!)

[megaphonemo]

I am so sorry that this happened. Take time to grieve, hug and play with your son, appreciate that you did not get home and have him bond with his new sibling, and get back on that horse. I have been in your shoes - it sucks - no other way to say it - but please take the time to grieve, and know that your little boy will help you get through everything!!

Mega

[BlessedbySnuggs]

Oh Kelly! I am so sorry sweetie! Know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Beth.]

Hugs to you and your family. Take care.

[Mkap]

I'm soooooo sorry - take the time you need. Hang in there.

[devildogwife]

I'm so sorry.

Failed matches are really tough.

[minibus]

I'm so very sorry. We went through a failed match as well where we got to hold the baby and pretend she was ours for just a little while. Take your time to let yourself grieve and don't let anyone talk you out of having whatever feelings and time to heal that you need. Give your son great big hugs and let his love fill you up. *hugs*

[GoddessDanu]

I am so, so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through. Please take time to grieve. You lost something you were looking forward to and now you need to grieve in order to move forward. Don't make the decision to quit for #2 just yet. Maybe let a month go by and see how you're feeling then.

[court5505]

We had this EXACT same thing happen to us this past winter. I was initially devastaed, but it has gotten a lot easier. Especially now that I'm hearing things about the mother of this baby. I realize that she's not someone that I would have wanted in my life for the rest of my life. I'm sorry for what you're going through. It sucks and there is no other way to put it. I gained 15 pounds from the stress! I wish I was one of those people who lose weight during times of stress!

I had a REALLY hard time with things. I was dreaming about them every night. It totally preoccupied my mind. I realized then that I had to talk to the mother and explain to her how I was feeling. I told her that I wasn't mad at her for changing her mind because I know that's her God-given right as a mother. However, I was hurt by some of the things that she said and things that she did. I don't think she really "got it" but it made me feel better to get things off my chest.

I say keep trying for #2, but realize how blessed you are with your family of 3. That's what we're doing!

[mommieof2cuties]

She could change her mind again, sometimes it takes bringing a baby home for a few weeks to relaize you cannot care for the baby! I am sorry this did happen, but I have also seen a few couples on here, who in the end got the baby as the emom needed more time to say goodbye.

[DancinBear63]

I'm so sorry to hear this, and just wanted to let you know that I'll be thinking of you guys.

[BethanyB]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this huge loss. Hopefully you will be matched with another baby and things will go smoothly for you.

[Steph-Jason]

Oh Kelly- I'm so sorry. I'll keep you guys in my prayers. Sending you