[MelissaLovesPugs]

Our profile is being shown currently to an expecting mother who is due with a girl in May. We are one of 3 couples she is looking at. She took the 3 profiles home with her to think it over last weekend.

Last thing I heard was that the expecting father was somewhat resistant on making an adoption plan but that the expecting mother was all for it.

They have an 18 month old together who lives with emom's parents, and eparents both live with edad's parents. Emom was going to meet with the adoption coordinator on Tuesday, but I got an e-mail update.

The e-mail said that e-mom is postponing until next week...e-dad and his mom were giving e-mom a hard time and things got out of hand, e-dad went to jail but is being bailed out. It said e-mom works 40 hours a week to support e-dad and his family. And she has not had time to go to a doctor since she works so much.

Sounds like a real mess. And I'm wondering if what she is saying is that Emom has not seen a doctor at all yet and she is due in May!?... I'm afraid for her safety too, based on what was said.

Also, even if expecting mom picks us, nothing can be done if expecting dad does not want an adoption plan. I don't know if he wants to parent or just hopes someone in their family will parent.

We haven't even been picked and already I feel stressed out and drawn into the situation. I find it hard to distance myself.

What would you do if you were picked in this situation? What happens to the baby if expecting mom does not want to parent but expecting dad does, and they are apparently still together?

My husband wants to ask our coordinator to maybe not give us so many details in the future unless we are chosen, since it is so stressful to know and worry about the situation.

Edited to take out some details, maybe too much info & I don't want to break rules on agency info.

[mommieof2cuties]

All I can offer is that you say some prayers for the emom and her unborn baby. Sounds like she is in a bad place and I pray that she gets out of it. If edad has abused her he can be TPR but that can take months by the state. I wish you the best and look forward to a happy update.

God Bless,
Summer

[MelissaLovesPugs]

Originally Posted by mommieof2cuties

All I can offer is that you say some prayers for the emom and her unborn baby. Sounds like she is in a bad place and I pray that she gets out of it. If edad has abused her he can be TPR but that can take months by the state. I wish you the best and look forward to a happy update.

God Bless,
Summer

Thank you...we have definitely been praying for the safety of her and her children.

[minibus]

Wow. Sounds like a difficult situation. I believe if the edad wants to parent, then he will get to parent, regardless of what the emom wants. It's highly possible that the emom has not had prenatal care - this isn't unusual, from what I've heard.

I think that prior to accepting this situation, should you be chosen, you really need to consider if you are going to be able to separate yourself enough from this emom and edad, if you are going to be in open adoption. It's a lifelong relationship and if you are having trouble distancing even prior to being picked, it is going to be difficult to do so when you share a common bond of the child.

If it were me, I would have to have a discussion about what the boundaries of an open adoption situation would be - rules around the relationship between your family and the birthfamily.

Best of luck to you in your decision. That's a tough situation!

[MelissaLovesPugs]

Originally Posted by minibus

I think that prior to accepting this situation, should you be chosen, you really need to consider if you are going to be able to separate yourself enough from this emom and edad, if you are going to be in open adoption. It's a lifelong relationship and if you are having trouble distancing even prior to being picked, it is going to be difficult to do so when you share a common bond of the child.

If it were me, I would have to have a discussion about what the boundaries of an open adoption situation would be - rules around the relationship between your family and the birthfamily.

Best of luck to you in your decision. That's a tough situation!

Thank you, that is a good point & I hadn't thought about that aspect yet.

I spoke with the adoption coordinator and verified a few things, including that emom has had no prenatal care and is due in mid-May. She did have 1 ultrasound at a clinic to date the pregnancy. She isn't taking prenatal vitamins.

[Amber76]

Just wanted to say that, while the no prenatal care issue is important, it isn't always a big deal. Our son's birthmom had no prenatal care at all-not even one visit. She showed up at the hospital in labor, called the agency from there, and delivered our son a few hours later. Our son doesn't have any issues and is healthy as can be. I wouldn't necessarily let the no prenatal care be a big issue. Good luck!

[Gwen72]

Like Amber76's son, our son's birthmom had her first prenatal exam in the ER when she was in labor. He was little (5 pounds, 9 ounces) but happy and healthy. We've had no issues with him other than developing reflux around 12 weeks but that is not uncommon. It sounds like you have enough to worry about, don't worry about the prenatal care. Good Luck no matter what you decide about this situation!

[MelissaLovesPugs]

You're right, both of you. Plus, it sounds like everything was ok when she had the 1 u/s, so that is good too.

Thanks for putting things into perspective.

Now to wait and see if she even chooses us.

[sambob]

It's always difficult when the birthfather isn't on board with the adoption plan. If you are selected, you can choose to proceed and have him served to see how serious he is. A lot of times they are all bark and no bite. That takes time and resources, however. Personally, I probably wouldn't be too eager to get involved with a situation unless everyone was supportive of the adoption plan. Just my two cents.