[oceanica]

An old patient told me this today... I told him "they ARE my own!" But he proceeded to explain to me how different it is when you have your own and the "feeling" there is when you have "your own". I didn't have time to argue with him and he was really explaining it to me like he was enlightening me on something so I just told him "OK". I guess I thought it wasn't worth it to disagree with him while he was checking out.
Should I have argued with this person?!! It's been annoying me all afternoon but I figure I'm going to get opinions like this and sometimes it's better to just let it go.

[tweetybirdus]

I think I would have let it go. I know that my dd is my own even though I didn't give birth to her. It's an entitlement thing.

It's probably a good thing that he didn't adopt his children if that's the way he feels about it.

[SuzBerg]

I don't understand when people talk about that "feeling" and being "your own". I have 3 sons who I gave birth to and one daughter who joined our family through adoption and they are all MY own! And truly there is no different "feeling" about my daughter than my sons.

I just don't get people sometimes. But I probably wouldn't have bothered to argue with him if I were you. He wouldn't get it and it would just frustrate you!

[HappyTwinsMom]

I don't "get" it when people make these kinds of statements, either. I don't have bio kids, but I can't imagine feeling any more strongly about a child I gave birth to than my two daughters. In fact, I often say if they were any more bonded, we'd have to be surgically separated!

Probably wouldn't have bothered to argue the point with him, though, as it seems he's got an idea firmly implanted in his mind and nothing will change it.

[CaddoRose]

The response would be that he couldn't understand how you feel or anyone who adopts because he hasn't done it, so how would he know it's different?

[crick]

I guess I could ask him "Oh, so you've obviously adopted since you are such an expert on what it FEELS like?" I mean really...how does he know? That is the thing that always interests/gets me when people say this. How do they know what we feel and how we love our kids?

Obviously it is different to have a biological child. But different doesn't mean less than or bad and that's the attitude I don't think people "get" when they have this mindset.

[Cjmeck]

I think by saying what you said was probably enough. I used to work in a nursing home so I know better than to argue with old people... Not excusing the comment; but you probably would not have been able to enlighten the person anyway. Its just a good thing that person didn't adopt Oh, and I have "my own" in addition to being an adoptive parent--and yes, the feeling is the same. Exactly the same. But I'm sure you already know that! I try not to allow myself to get sucked into the problems/issues of others--so I would have done just what you did.

[joskimo]

I never understand the intent of a comment like that, are you supposed to respond with "yeah but it's all I deserve?" or "yeah this kid really sucks"? I just don't get it.

But as a person with "one of her own" I have to tell you I feel like lightening struck twice. I love my a-daughter just as consumingly and passionately as my bio-daughter. Its overwhelming sometimes.

But you can't tell anything to someone who already knows it all anyways, right?

[yehudit]

Yeah, he's probably never adopted so he doesn't know what it feels like. He's probably comparing it to other people's kids and yes, I love both my kids -- my biological kid and my adopted one -- much more than I love other people's.

[Chiefs_dip]

So sorry you had to hear this from someone. I think you handled it well.

I'd say that if you wiping your kids' noses, cleaning their rears and comforting them when they are sick - then they ARE your own!

[Nevada Jen]

That's one that annoys me more than a lot of the others. TOday I got "Yah, you just go pick one out off a shelf, its much easier." I was very annoyed but pretended I did not hear it. In my mind, the only other option was to rip the guy a new one and make a spectacle of myself in front of a large group of people.

[Steph-Jason]

Ugh... that's so annoying!! I think it's harder for someone outside of the situation to understand it. I had a friend who said a similiar thing to me once & it irked me. I don't think I would have said more- someone like that probably wouldn't get it no matter how you argued with him.

[Gwen72]

If he is a personal family friend or family member I would try to make him understand that adopted children are your own and are loved just as much as biologic children. If he's just a patient or passing acquaintence I would not have burned a lot of energy making my point. I love my son more than life itself. I expect my friends and family to understand that and to not say anything inappropriate like that around myself or W. If they don't have direct contact with W though, I try to educate them but don't bother arguing with them.

[sams-mommy]

Anyone who says that, I don't think has ever known unconditional love, and thats just sad!!!

[jalapeno]

Yeah, I probably would have handled it the same way. With some people it's only more irritating to try to argue the point. They just don't get it and there's really nothing you can say to them. Sorry you had to put up with that Ocean