[EZ2Luv]

I am p[osting this here because I read all t forums, this one seems to get alot more traffic than most of the others.

First I am so excited because the anniversary of me being placed in my parents arms is fast approaching.

This is where my vent comes in. I don't know how other adoptees or other triad members feel but I absolutely positively want to vomit each time i see or hear the word "Gotcha" in refferance to the day an adoptee joins a family. To me this is one of the most demeaning words that could ever be used. It reminds me of being caught and held hostage.

In my family we simply used "Family Day" and "Special Day" I have always referred to this day as "better than a Birthday" and consider it the beging of my life, a trully blessed ocassion

I am so curious to know how others feel aboout this horrid term.

I have looked this term up in a few places there is a negative connotation everwhere I looked.
Gotcha - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Gotcha
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Look up gotcha in
Wiktionary, the free dictionary.
Gotcha is a relaxed pronunciation of "I got you" or "I've got you" usually referring to an unexpected capture or discovery.


gotchas : Java Glossary


Gotchas

A gotcha is a nasty surprise in the Java language or the standard libraries. Some might call them bugs, some features. Sometimes they are the result of incompetence or carelessness on the part of the language designers and sometimes they are just quirky things that cannot be helped. Here is a chart of the some dangerous waters

What should be one of the happiest most joyous days for a family is labeled with a word that ranges from being "caught and captured" to a "nasty suprise".

These days everyone is concerned about PC, I wish there was a way to erradicate this term completely when referring to adoptions.

I am not the only one that feels this way about this horrible term. I have talked to a couple of friends IRL (non adoptees) that agree that this is a terrible term to use.

Why is the world would anyone choose to taint such a beautiful day with such a disgusting term is beyond me.

I am sure some will disagree with me here but I refuse to call the most miraculous day in my life a "nasty suprise".

EZ

[GoddessDanu]

I have never heard of this term before but I can understand how it might be offensive. When I adopt I want to celebrate the day of finalization as a family day. I certainly wouldn't use the term "Gotcha Day." I like "Adoption Day" personally.

[Singlemom619]

I've seen the "Gotcha Day" posted here on the boards so I knew what it meant - I see it a lot with international adoptions but I'm not sure if that's just a coincidence.

I have never used the term, nor would I ever use the term. I just didn't like the way it sounds.

My son and I call it his "Adoption Day" and we celebrate it every year together. That's what it was... He was adopted on that day. Just like his Birthday is the day he was birthed... To other people I have said the "anniversary of his adoption day"....

I can see why you don't like the term - I wish more adoptive parents (that use the term) would see your post and perhaps change what they say....

[angelkisses0102]

Hate it!!! Don't use it.

We use the term Adoption Anniversary...at this stage (kids are 5.5 and 7.5 and home 5 and 7 years) we 'celebrate' the day. However, if at some point, they decide they do not want to celebrate...that will be fine as well. I just feel the term 'anniversary' does not always mean celebration but rather recognizing that the day did have a major, life changing event take place on it...for all the 'good' and the 'bad' of said event.

[devildogwife]

EZ, I personally don't care for it either. When I read those thread titles, it does make me cringe.

I don't think we'll really celebrate Cameron's finalization day that much as we've had him since birth. To us, his birthday is a much bigger deal, and the day we finalized is also the day he also came down with NEC and his 3rd open heart surgery was delayed. Not great memories honestly.

[blessedbybug]

I don't like or use the term either. I understand for many that the day their child was placed in their arms is a day to celebrate but there has to me another term I would think anyway. I guess for a lot of people it's what they've heard being used so they might use it without even really thinking through how it might make others feel.

We celebrate birthdays here. It's the day we met our child. We remember finalization as an important day but we don't do anything to celebrate.

[EZ2Luv]

I am glad I am not alone in my feelings here at adoption.com. I just noticed all the typos when I reread my OP. I was definately heated as I typed.
One of the reasons my adoption day is such a big deal for me and my family is because I wasn't placed in my parent's arms until I was 3 months old. My brother was 14 months old, so you can understand that though birthday's are important, my family was not there when I was born.

The thread below explains it a little better.
As a rule I don't let most things get to me to the point of really being heated, but today I just for some reason kept seeing this horrid word and had to speak up.

I love this place, I just wish there would be a way to let people know that certain terms are offensive and disrespectful..

Anyhow, my brother and I were searching through old cards and I have a homemade card that my Sweet Momma made for me one year with a poem. I cannot wait for 3/05 to post it.
I try to imagine the excitement and anticipation my parents had years back at this time afew days before they knew they would finally be getting the baby they prayed for.

I will keep that for another thread thoug cause it certainly isn't any part of a vent. Answered prayers and blessings from God are not to be included in a vent thread.

Thanks for the support.

EZ


Better Than a Birthday~3~5~56

[ChromaKelly]

I'm not fond of the term either, but I realize it's used more in international adoption than domestic. Often the a-parents have been matched with the child for quite some time, and they finally get to go meet and pick up their child, so I kind of understand "gotcha" is supposed to be a positive, but like I said, I'm not a fan of the term. It does sound like someone got snatched or kidnapped.
Caleb was placed with us upon discharge from the hospital at two days old, and unfortunately, we hadn't been there for the birth, but his birthday is still what we will celebrate more in our family.

[Jo Ellen]

I do not like the word gotcha at all along with the word illigitamate and another one that isn't acceptable on the forums but those can be saved for another post someday. It bothers me greatly even thinking about the exchange of money that took place in order for me to be adopted and the term gotcha validates even more that I was like something bought from a shelf. So much of how things are handled are so wrong.... this is just my opinion.

[Cjmeck]

I've heard the term but never used it personally; seems its used more in international adoptions though. Honestly, it never bothered me--seemed like a cute term. But now that I see how it could be hurtful to some, I'm sure I'll never use it. Thanks for educating! And fwiw, we'll always celebrate the day my daughter's adoption was finalized as her "special day". How did your parents celebrate it for you growing up? Cake, presents, party, extended family??? Just curious

[crick]

I think it's one of the terms that kind of needs to be viewed as objectively as possible. For everyone who does not like it or use it, for others it can be completely the opposite.

I hate the term "adopter" and yet it's used quite a bit in the adoption community. I just try to remember it doesn't apply to me personally and also don't use it.

Can't wait to see your celebration thread!

[SupaModel]

We use the term gotcha day because I heard it way before I even knew I was adopting or ever heard of a.com. Personally it doesn't bother us and I actually thought/think it was kinda cute. We will continue to use it in our family because it doesn't offend us. I guess I can understand why other won't too. I think Crick is right. There are always both sides.

[dpen6]

I can understand it not being offensive to those that are not adopted. It doesn't impact you directly. But to those of us that were "got"..

[crick]

Dpen6 - There are a lot of international adoptees that this phrase has special meaning for and isn't the same as others. Not to say your opinion isn't valid, but that's what I'm saying...don't use it for yourself. We all have terms we don't like but no single term is going to be agreed on by every person.

[EZ2Luv]

Jen,

Our Special Days were always clebrated with our immedaitely family only. It was a very intimate time and one of the only times adoption was brought up and I am so grateful for that because I believe sometimes too much adoption talk can do more harm than good(that is for a whole different post)
My Momma would meet me after school and we would go to church and light a candle. That is a tradition that I still do on that day. I have a picture of the first candle we lit on that day. I am going to try and dig it up to post. Usually a special dinner and a cake along with a small sentimetal gift (one year it was a small gold intial ring, another gold earrings, ect) Then on the weekend that followed (if the actual day was during the week) our family would do something special together. No big ballons or wow celebration,more of a day to reflect and thank God for bringing us together as a family. When I got older I started doing special things for my parents like taking them out to dinner or sending flowers if I was away. To me it is a very special day. If you read my post that I linked up you can get a pretty good idea why.

EZ