[rd200]

HI, i just got an email from our social worker today that says they have a little baby boy that has some serious issues and i need to let her know by tommorow if she can show our profile to the birthparents. I dont know anything about drugs or withdrawal and my doctors office is already closed so any info you know would be great.

Here's the situation, the mother reported using marijuana once a week and oxycotin twice a week, he was born full term on feb.2nd and is still in the NICU, he started showing signs of withdrawal the same day he was born which isnt normal i guess. tested positive for barbituates, opiates, and marijuana. the mother said she took methadone once or twice too. The baby is taking a barbituate to relax its nervous system to help with the withdrawal and on morphine for pain.

My SW doesnt know how truthful she is being as social services are potentally getting involved and she isnt being very helpful or honest about how long and frequent the drug use. The baby isnt doing that well, he is still having problems from the withdrawal and should've been leveling out by now, not getting a bit worse.
I dont know what to do. There isnt a whole lot i can find besides that drug use can, maybe, cause some problems but the extent of the problems isnt know and whatever. i cant find much, how am i suppose to research this and make a decision by noon tommorow?? HELP!! i wasnt very open to drug use except marijuana and i'm not sure how them other drugs will affect the baby. I dont know if i should even consider having our profile shown. and yet i'm sure there isnt tons of people lining up around the block to adopt him. I just have no idea what to do. i dont know if my desire for a baby is clouding my judgement or not. Any advice or info on the drug use?? Thanks Alot, Rachel

[Fran27]

All I can say is... don't just consider a situation because there are not many people lined up for it. In such conditions honestly I've been taught to just expect the worst - emoms often underestimate their drug/alcohol usage, so you should be prepared for some health issues or development delays. It doesn't mean it will happen, just that you need to be prepared for it.

Good luck in your decision!

[binkybear]

I would ask that my profile not be shown until I could speak with my doctor or my pediatrician.

If before this call you were open to little drug use or nothing outside of pot use I'd try to step back and recall why it was that way. Right now you might be so emotional that nothing matters, it might matter later on. OR It might not, this might be your child.

Hoping for the best for you and that you get the chance at answers from your doctors. Don't feel pressured by the SW with "by tomorrow" talk. If this is meant to be then waiting for you to be fully informed will be ok. You're allowed that. Good luck

[OakShannon]

This sounds like such a hard position to be in.

I have to agree with Fran. With that level of drug exposure, there is a very real possibility that the little one with have some delays. But he could also be just fine. There is no way to know for sure. So you have to really ask yourself if you feel able to handle it if he does have special needs and make your decision based on that.

I wish you the best. It so hard to think this through when you want a baby so badly.

[rd200]

My social worker did say we need to talk to our doctor before we let her know if we want our profile shown. My doctor doesnt always work everyday adn is rather hard to get ahold of, but i'm hoping i can just talk to any doctor. From the little i've red, the fact that he was born without any noticable birth defects, and that he was full term sounds promising, but the fact that he showed signs of withdrawal right away suggests that is was pretty significant drug use. It wasnt the big ones like crack and heroin, that i would not ever consider, but i guess i just had not done much research when we said we would only consider pot cuz i kinda knew that pot unless smoked very heavily, wasnt very bad for the baby. I am somewhat prepared to handle some special needs i just wish this little babies doctor would be available to talk too. Hes not for some reason. I mean, are there certain signs that he's going to have developemental problems, is he very irritable? there are so many questions i have. I guess i'm kinda acting like they are going to pick us, which they very well could just pass right over us, but i dont want to jump into something that i cant handle. dont babies cry all the time when they have withdrawal?? it just scares me the morphine he's on. I dotn know if my sympathy for this baby is making me think he needs me to comfort him and to go bring him home from the hospital or what. i just keep picturing this liitle guy laying there with no one around! from what the SW said, no one is really there with him. i wonder if i can just visit him regardless. he needs some loving touches right now i think.

[EZ2Luv]

I can tell you that withdrawals get worse until
they can stablize the baby before weaning him off. I echo what Fran said about not jumping to adopt because you don't think anotherfamily will want him. I think you will be pleasantly suprised at how many people will adopt a drug exposed baby.
Now if it were alcohol I would be more cncerned, however marijuana is not a big deal. If bmom is beig accurate in er usage, then oxycontin and methadone are both opiates and can be detoxed with methadone. I have seen many methadone babies and nce detoxed they do go on to thrive and have yet to see a long lasting affect.
Please donot jump on this just because you are wanting a baby. It is fine to passo a situation that you do not feel is right for you. I will tell you that drug exposed babies do require alot more care than non drug exposed. They are alot more difficult to settle because they always seem to be uncomfortable, understandably so.
If it were me, I would be shown, but that is because I do have experience with addiction and pretty much know what to expect.

IMO alcohol would be far worse because of the lasting possible damages. Not that drugs to don't cause lasting damages , it is just that alcohol is far worse.

I suggest that you read the thread here about parenting a drug exposed baby to get a glimpse at what to expect.
However, again, please donot be afraid to pass as difficult as it may be. Your baby is out there, just maybe not this one.

I also concur with Fran in that you must always be prepared for the worst possible scenario and ask yourself ifyou are willing to parent a child with such issues.
Also realize that oxycontin and methadone are both highly addictive and in my experience I find it hard to believe that the bmom only used these drugs a couple of times a week since withrawral is so intense. Obviously the bmom is not being totally honest if the baby was born addicted (sounds like it was more like daily use).

Maybe she used the oxycontin and methadone daily and the marijuana a couple of times a week. That sounds alot more accurate.

EZ

ETA~ there is little difference between herion and oxycontin as far as opiates are concerned and addiction. I will say I am kind of baffled by the barbituates. Herion is soetimes cut with barbituates.
The nly differnce between heroin and other prescription opiates is the additives that the dealers use to cut the heroin. The effects are identical and are treated the exact same way as far as detoxing goes. Methadone is usually used for detox and sometimes morphine.

[Magic_Hat]

Wow, that's so hard. I would be torn just like you. And like PP said, I would consider this situation before one with a lot of alcohol exposure.

We found this website very helpful and even called and talked to a very helpful and friendly person when we were considering a situation with some drug exposure.

Organization of Teratology Information Specialists

Take care.

[Amber76]

I don't know what you should do in this situation, but I did want to say that two of my aunts had babies 11 and 12 years ago that were born addicted to methadone. Both of my aunts used daily from my understanding. Both of their kids do pretty well in school and are typically developing, although on the very small side compared to their sibs born not exposed. They also both have ADHD and none of their sibs do. You should definitely plan on having to deal with at least some mild ADHD or learning disabilities, etc. The baby might not have them, but he certainly could. Good luck with making your choice!

[Linny]

Ahhh Rachel!!!!!
You're right there-NOW! THIS would be hard to decide, that's for sure!!!!!
I'm a BIG one for writing things out. I'd literally sit down and write out two columns of 'pros' and 'cons'.
If you're married or with a partner, they'd have to weigh in on this one too.
I agree that your emotions can get the best of you; and truly, as a PP stated, alcohol is SO much worse. However, even THAT'S a toss up and you just don't know.

Truthfully, I'd go for a drug exposed baby...as we already have and never regretted it. However, if the intensity of the withdrawal is significant...that's where you'll have to think and consider more so.
Yes, generally, drug withdrawing babies are irritable; they have some conditions and concerns early on that you'd have to deal with----BUT, there are excellent resources for these too. Not like many years ago when people just had to 'ride it all out', KWIM?
But, you'll also have to write out and consider, "If this baby didn't have the withdrawal symptoms", would we consider him anyway? And, are there 'helps' your agency might have to offer? Is there a support group nearby or other parents you could connect with who are going or have gone through this same thing???

As I said, this would be a situation we'd 'go for'.....as long as we'd not have to pay for the hospitalization of the baby....which is another thing you need to make sure you'll not have to deal with---unless of course, this isn't a problem financially.

And, IF you go for this and IF he ends up being your baby, I can't say enough *good* about the Birth to Two programs. Early Intervention is critical (we've used them more than once) and make ALL the difference with resources to offer you as well as therapies for the baby from the very beginning.

PLEASE keep us updated! I'll be thinking of you, your choice and hoping you find peace with whatever you choose to do.

Most Sincerely,

Linny

[oceanica]

I have no advice really because you have to work it out for yourself... I just wanted to wish you wisdom in your decision and send a few hugs your way.

[trixila]

When we were freaking out about the newborn's drug exposure (no warning until we were in CA (we flew in from IL) our facilitator gave us great advice: If you decide not to parent this child, there are families with experience with these sitations who are ready to go."

Still, we took a leap of faith, and four years later, we have absolutely NO regrets. Our daughter is healthy, on target develomentally, and the apple of our eyes. So sorry that this is your introduction to domestic adoption. You have to do what is right for your family.

[Barksum]

If you aren't open to the "big drugs" like heroin and cocaine then be wary of adopting this child. Why was the birth mom taking methadone once or twice? Methadone is what is used to help addicts get off of heroin, which is an opiate. Do they use this to help with Oxycontin addiction as well? I don't know if methadone itself tests out as an opiate or not, or if the Oxycontin is responsible for the opiate, or what. That might be a question for your pediatrician.

Additionally, it has been our experience with our 4 adoptive children that while each birth mom had a 'drug of choice' she didn't limit herself to ONLY taking that drug. ALL of our adopted children were exposed to multiple drugs. There may have been one drug that predominated, but there were also other drugs used.

If your SW is saying she isn't sure about how upfront the birth mother is being about the drug use I'd take that as saying that they have no idea what the birth mom actually used while pregnant. The birth mom's admission of small drug use and the baby's health at birth don't really line up.

If you have already decided that you do not want to parent a child with drug related problems you should probably not adopt this child.

We were careful to list on our profile that we did not want to adopt a child with fetal alcohol problems, or with drug related issues. BING! We were matched with a child who has probable fetal alcohol problems and was also probably exposed to meth. We didn't figure this out right away, though. This child also had some issues relating to neglect, multiple caregivers, and that kind of thing. God knew that we should parent this child because if we'd known going into this adoption that we would be faced with the very issues we were so fearful about in the beginning we would have not had this special child bless our lives.

When we adopted our second adopted child we figured that since we had some experience with drugs/alcohol and various issues we would not limit our search to children who were not exposed. This child was born to a Hep C positive mother, who was also a long-time heroin addict, who also drank and used other drugs. She was not in good health and the baby was born addicted and had various delays and issues. This child is also a special blessing to our whole family and others.

Our third adopted child was born addicted to methamphetamine and exposed to other drugs. This child was so sickly that the foster family and the SW were concerned that he would survive. Again, we've been blessed by this child bringing such joy to us and our extended family.

Our fourth adopted child was probably exposed to alcohol and other drugs. What special little hugs and giggles we've finally coaxed from this child!

There are, of course!, struggles and very weary days. The kids themselves have trials to overcome and learn to deal with. Still, we would not have our lives be bereft of these children.

[rd200]

I called and talked to a friend from my bible study group whom is a NICU nurse. She said she deals with drug babies daily. she kinda told me what to expect the first 2 months and what problems they could have and what the good and bad is. she said mainly that once they are off of the medication and completely sober, then they are almost like normal babies. she said but up until that point they cry ALOT cuz they just cant get relief and they are still in withdrawal and cant get comforted. She said it is very frustrating to deal with the crying but from what i told her how thebaby is, she said by the time the baby would come home, it would be pretty much over that. Depending on how things go and when he gets released. which is probably another month or two. She also did say that from what i told her of the drug history that the birthmother is most likely lieing about her usage. she most likely smoked until the day she gave birth and took the oxycotin and methadone also. So that kinda still scares me, since it sounds pretty heavy, not just once a week. but i feel sooo much better now that i talked to her. She deals with this everyday. Thanks to you guys also for your input and kind words. I think we are going to go for it. Not sure yet, have to talk to hubby in the morning but he won't really say much anyways so i kinda make this decision with my input alone. I guess i can always walk away if something comes up where this just wouldnt work for my family. i do have another son to consider and how much time this baby with potential special needs would affect my time with my son and husband. We definetly arent rich but for now i believe the baby is on state health insurance and would be on that even once the TPR is signed and is covered up until finalization. and at that point our insurance picks up and they cover 100% of baby stuff and we have good insurance. We better, that stuff is expensive. i definetly will keep everyone updated, like i said, who knows if we will even be picked or not. I think i might be getting ahead of myself a bit. Thanks, Rachel

[emdmom]

I am not sure who told you that he should be better by now, but in my experience (about 30 so far) with drug exposed/addicted babies, the withdrawals can last as much as 11 days with the scary stuff. Also, it is true that they can level out and be "normal", but not all do. Sometimes the crying stops, sometimes they are still screaming more than not at a year old and more. Sometimes they are 6 months old and still don't sleep more than 30-40 minutes at a time. Studies show that the real effects of the drugs on brain development don't start showing until about 4th grade. That is when many of the children born to drug addicted mothers start falling behind and just can't catch up. Finally, please be aware that if she was doing all of these drugs, there isn't much chance that she wasn't also drinking. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder do not get better or go away.

Now, saying all that, please know that I am the mother of a Fetal Alcohol son that is the light of my life. My daughter is the baby of a self medicating (illicit drugs) bi-polar schizophrenic. My son is relatively "normal" aside from the physical problems. My daughter is beautiful and funny and I cannot imagine my life without her. I went into both of these situations with my eyes wide open and willing choose this for my family. We will have rough roads as they grow up, but they are ours. I am not trying to talk you out of this. I just want you to understand a little of what you are getting into. If this isn't right for you and your family, then say no this time. If these things don't scare the pants off of you, then go for it. Just make sure that you educate yourself so that you can be the best possible advocate for your child.

[Sohmakun]

I would ask a doctor about this situation. What worries me is the fact the baby is full term and in NICU. Sometimes, that can be worse then having a baby born prematurely.