[JenC]

Ug. A part of me feels like a scrooge, but the other part thinks we should do what we want!

Here's the scoop: We had the traditional birthday party for Joshua when he turned one. Even just inviting immediate family - grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, and a few friends that are like immediate family, the number still adds up to well over 20. We had fun. However, DH and I didn't have big birthday parties every year, we just did something with our parents/siblings. We liked it as kids and rarely felt like we were getting ripped off by not having a big party.

All our nieces and nephews have big family parties every year. We kind of wonder when/if it will stop - our oldest nephew will be 10 next month and it's still a big family deal. We don't want to be the cause of hurt feelings by people not getting invited to a party and I know people, especially grandparents, just want to celebrate and love on Josh, but we can't invite the grandparents over and not the others.

We are fortunate that our family is close to us - everyone lives within an hour. Honestly, am I being a grump about not wanting to have a big party every year? We see family fairly often, so it's not like Josh doesn't get to spend time with them. We just feel pressured to have a party when it's more our style to just have a small simple thing with the 3 of us.

Ideas? Am I crazy?

[mdesi]

I feel your pain. My family of origin is pretty small - parents and a brother. DH on the other hand has 3 siblings with spouses and 2-3 kids each, 4 cousins, 2 aunts, and his parents. So, when we celebrate b-day parties in the future, I know it will be huge.

I did stop doing the big family party for DSS, though. It was just too much when you factor in his mother's family - 5 siblings with 2-4 kids each and her parents. Now, DSS gets three parties.

I think it is up to you. I think most people would be relieved - I know that not a month goes by where at least Sunday afternoon is not spent on family birthday parties. They may enjoy the break.

[binkybear]

My theory...people should live without obligation regarding what others like to do. If parties aren't your thing why do 'em? Are others going to stop having parties because it's not your thing...probably not. So just do what you guys like.

I think most famlies, at least my own and those around us, do the big parties for the first couple'a years (more for the new parents of course!!) and then it fades into the kids parties with their school buds and then all the extended family comes back into play at milestones (16 for example).

Just do what you like.

[emdmom]

A few years ago I started having the party from 2-4 with cake and a couple of "snacking" foods only. Everyone can come if they want and there is no pressure on me to cook. We wait for everyone to come, we sing, blow out the candles, eat cake, open presents and they leave. The kids are happy and I am happy, too.

[aclee]

We did the big party for Ty's first, and every other year it will me much lower key. Because he has a winter birthday, it's not like we can just be outside and we have a BBQ. Our house is not huge, we rented a place for the 1st party. I think I'll do an open house in coming years, and we'll celebrate just as a family (like the in-laws will be ok with that!) on his birthday.

My sister does a large party every other year, because financially it's a lot, especially as they get older and have friends that they want there etc.

[nikkianni]

In my family, we do big parties from 1-18. When we were in gradeschool, we got to invite friends too, but family was always there.
And since my family is pretty big, these were major parties.
DH's family only does big b-day parties at 1, 5, 13 and 16. So he was a little shell shocked at first with my family.
DD will be two next month. For her first birthday we invited all grandparent, cousins, aunts, uncles and great aunts and uncles. We had about 45 people.
It sounds insane but it was fun. We're paring down the guest list this year, but not by much. We've decided to go with the big party thing.
But that's because we want to. I love decorating a couple of cakes and going all out. I love the chance to visit with family and watch them fawn over DD.
If we did not enjoy this kind of thing, we would absolutely not do it. Because it is a lot of work.
So I say do what you want to do. Joshie is young enough that he won't know the difference for a couple more years, so really the party would be for you and your family anyway.

[binkybear]

Originally Posted by nikkianni

In my family, we do big parties from 1-18. When we were in gradeschool, we got to invite friends too, but family was always there.
And since my family is pretty big, these were major parties.
DH's family only does big b-day parties at 1, 5, 13 and 16. So he was a little shell shocked at first with my family.
DD will be two next month. For her first birthday we invited all grandparent, cousins, aunts, uncles and great aunts and uncles. We had about 45 people.
It sounds insane but it was fun. We're paring down the guest list this year, but not by much. We've decided to go with the big party thing.
But that's because we want to. I love decorating a couple of cakes and going all out. I love the chance to visit with family and watch them fawn over DD.
If we did not enjoy this kind of thing, we would absolutely not do it. Because it is a lot of work.
So I say do what you want to do. Joshie is young enough that he won't know the difference for a couple more years, so really the party would be for you and your family anyway.

Your family sounds a lot like mine Hub's use to it now,he calls me the party planning nerd I get SO into it. BUT I wouldn't do it if I didn't like doing it.

Do what you like!!

[Stormster]

This thread gave me a great idea. We did family party in UK for first bday....this year we will do here and big kids party. He's a July baby so there is fun potential there...

The thing is I HATE it!!!! But I know this kid and he's very very social and will really enjoy parties and being the center of attention.

I also dislike store bought cakes for kids bdays yet don't bake ANd am a perfectionist which is why it's not fun for me to do parties.

So as a previous poster said I think for our family alternating the more intimate family "adventure" and kids parties would be perfect! Thanks!

[binkybear]

Originally Posted by Stormster

This thread gave me a great idea. We did family party in UK for first bday....this year we will do here and big kids party. He's a July baby so there is fun potential there...

The thing is I HATE it!!!! But I know this kid and he's very very social and will really enjoy parties and being the center of attention.

I also dislike store bought cakes for kids bdays yet don't bake ANd am a perfectionist which is why it's not fun for me to do parties.

So as a previous poster said I think for our family alternating the more intimate family "adventure" and kids parties would be perfect! Thanks!

Binky's bakery tip for Storm
Ok, east coast is LOADED with uber fab diner's most of which have fantastic on site baked goods. Most times you can order almost anything from a diner's swirling twirling cake display in single serving AND the whole cake! Triple decker shortcakes, chocolate cakes, carrot cake, pies, dipped strawberries...most are WAY better than a typical bakeries stuff. Do a little take out dessert taste testing from a local diner and see what you like, then just order away. It's cool 'cause you're not limited to plain old cake-cake (and their cakes are usually HUGE and at a better overall cost).

[Stormster]

Yeahhhhh but......mommy didn't make it!

Great idea though...truly.

[binkybear]

Originally Posted by Stormster

Yeahhhhh but......mommy didn't make it!

Great idea though...truly.

Well, then Duncan Hines all the way. It's what wilton cakes even recommends for the fancy pans and all. I never do "scratch" party cakes...never. Only Duncan Hines

[nikkianni]

Originally Posted by Stormster

Yeahhhhh but......mommy didn't make it!

OK, my turn then. I made and decorated a 3D princess castle cake along with another cake in the shape of a 1 for DD's bday last year. Oh, then I just did a regular cake and decorated it with butterflies. 45 people eat a ton of cake.
Anywho, this cake making/decorating thing does not have to be tough. Honest. For instance: Buy two cake mixes (it's OK to do the processed food thing once a year ). Bake a regular rectangle-shaped cake and pour the other mix into a bundt pan. When you take the bundt cake out, place it on top of the rectangle cake. It's best to put it to one end. You may have to cut the bundt cake down to fit, but that's OK because you can use the leftover cake.
Frost the base cake green and the bundt cake with chocolate frosting (brown).
Crumble up the cake bits you didn't use from the bundt cake and scatter them over the bundt cake portion while the frosting is still good and sticky.
Go out and buy toy excavation equipment, dirt bikes, race cars, whatever you like. Because you've now made a dirt bike track/excavation site/whatever you want. This also works great for a dinosaur cake. Just change the frosting colors.
Ta Da! I did this as a volcano for my nephew's fifth birthday. Worked great.
So now that I've TOTALLY hijacked the thread, back to the topic at hand.

Binky: I'm a party planning nut too. I get to plan a whole wedding this year and I am SO excited. I think I missed my calling.

Parties are really a personal thing. People tend to love or hate them. The best part about having really little kids is that we can control the craziness now. Once they hit six or seven, that's going to get a lot harder.

[lisa in venice]

My poor abused and neglected kids only got a big first birthday party and maybe a small one at 10 (you know when they hit double digits) and a big one at 18 besides that it has been very small family dinners of bbqs with the birth family.

Oh I often do one when they are in preschool because that is the last time you can invite the entire class when the classes are still really small. Besides those they re SOL.

[Steph-Jason]

Just do whatever you want. I know of parents that only had parties for their kids 1st bday & others that do for each bday. It really depends on what you guys want. I don't think you're off for not doing one if this isn't something you guys want.

[aclee]

Originally Posted by Stormster

This thread gave me a great idea. We did family party in UK for first bday....this year we will do here and big kids party. He's a July baby so there is fun potential there...

The thing is I HATE it!!!! But I know this kid and he's very very social and will really enjoy parties and being the center of attention.

I also dislike store bought cakes for kids bdays yet don't bake ANd am a perfectionist which is why it's not fun for me to do parties.

If E wants a cow, or a pig, I'm all over that. Ty's cow looked great, but I think with all pink icing it would have looked just like a pig.