[wishing4more]

In June my family will be traveling to visit my kids' birthfamilies and I'm thinking of searching for my 4-year-old daughter's bmom. We have an open adoption, but I've never had any response to letters and cards since placement, but just recently have had mail returned to me with "not at this address" written across the envelope.

I feel so torn about doing anything to search for her. I know that she may want her privacy, but I don't want my dd to be disappointed either. Her siblings have contact with their bfamilies and will be visiting them on this trip.

Has anyone used a website to look for someone. I've tried the "white pages" sites, but I already have this info and it is outdated apparently.

Any thoughts on the ethics/privacy issues of searching for her bmom?

[BrandyHagz]

Open adoption is a 2 way street. Unless she has told you, point blank, that she doesn't wish to have contact - it is acceptable for you to attempt to reach out to her.

If, at that time, she makes her wishes known, then you will know and you will have the peace of being able to say that you tried to do as much as you could to cultivate the relationship.

[emdmom]

I would try to find her. Have you checked MySpace and Facebook? If you do find her, send her a note, letter or e-mail and tell her that you are concerned about her and would like to know if she would like continued contact. I would want to know that I did all that I could to hold up my end of the OA for my child's sake and for her first mom.