[lizzie0415]

I'm not sure about the etiquette, so I need your advice. I would like to give the birthparents of our hopeful son a gift after he is born, but not sure if I should. If I do get a gift or gifts do you have any ideas. Both birthparents are involved in the adoption.

[lovemy2boys]

When we went to see our oldest sons' firstmom in the hospital, we brought her a journal and a book of poetry.

With our second son, we brought each of his firstparents a picture frame..

[nee18]

We just brought flowers to the hospital. We were told by our agency not to go too overboard and to make sure, if we got a card, to just put something in it like we would to anyone we knew who had just given birth. Lovemy2boys had some good suggestions, though. I think photo albums would be nice too. Part of it just depends on how well you've gotten to know them and their interests. We didn't know our son's birthmom very well at all, so we didn't have any good specific ideas for gifts.

[aclee]

We brought her a flowering azalea at the hospital. I think we would have liked to have done more, like a bath set or something, but we had no time to. At court a few days later (for TPR) we gave her a Swarvoski frog, as that is the main theme for Tyler's room, and the social worker had let us know she had a few in a china hutch. When we went out to dinner before we left, we gave her a really big photo album and put in some of the picture we had taken while we were there. Her and Tyler in the hospital, and Tyler that we had done at Picture People. She loved that.

[lizzie0415]

I love the crystal frog idea. We have a kind of turtle theme going.

[startedover]

We gave a Bible and a daily devotional (feeling it was less overwhelming than the Bible). That's what felt right. We also got their son a gift, and I think they appreciated that more than anything.

[Free_to_be_me]

I got a piece of artwork that the adoptive mom made. It's beautiful and I still have it on my wall (13 years later.) They also gave me a card with some pretty deep, heartfelt thoughts written on it. The card is just as important as the gift.

[Tigger2]

We gave birthmom a locket and a decorative jar of her favorite candies. We gave birthdad a giftcard.

[calee]

In the hospital, I would ONLY go with something you would give any friend who had just had a baby. Flowers, in particular.

Be careful. Check with your agency. In some states, gifts, particularly those that may seem to have "value" (jewelry, gift cards, etc.) may be seen as bribes before TPR and/or finalization.

[KarenInCa]

A little different, but still the same...Our daughter was taken care of by a nanny in an orphanage. So, in a sense, she was our daughter's second mother. We brought her a silver bracelet linked by hearts after receiving our daughter. I told her it was for giving our daughter her heart for so long. If I were on the receiving end, I would have appreciated something like that. It acknowledges that the birth mother will always be linked to the child somehow, and in a way, so will DH and I.

[Theatrenerd]

All of the gifts mentioned so far flowers picture frames albums etc are great have you thought of maybe some "grooming" type things like nail polish or face mask or nice lotion/ shower gel and lufa anything to do with pampering gift certificates for grooming services.

[JustCourtney]

Our situation was a little different then some, as we had a relationship established, and I was the one she called to take her to the hospital when her water broke! When we came back the next morning we brought flowers and I had a huge gift bag full of every kind of chocolate you can imagine, as I knew she loved chocolate and had been trying to eat it in moderation while pregnant. I had bought a photo album, but in the end it was such an emotionally charged and busy time in the hospital, that it never felt right to give it to her. That, and I didn't want her to feel in anyway indebted to us as she took some time before TPR. Does that make sense?

I ended up filling the first few pages of the album with pics from a professional shoot when he was 6 weeks old, and giving it to her later. She loved it, and I think she could actually appreciate then.

[Fran27]

We gave them a photo album (well, gave it to their sw to give it to them).

[kellyjames]

We were not supposed to give anything "of value" until TPR, but I wrote a card to both of our son's birthparents, and also cards to their parents, who we had met. After the adoption was finalized six months later (around Christmas) we sent framed pictures of our kiddo, and have done that every year since then. I also made a scrapbook for my son's birthparents (he has one, too) that I update every year or so; it's time-consuming but worth it. Now that he's 3 and a half, he helps me do it and loves picking out pictures, etc for it.

[Steph-Jason]

Our agency told us not to give a gift of value as it might seem as though we were trying to sway her mind. So we gave her a really pretty floral arrangement & I wrote a letter to go with it. I just wrote from the heart in the letter & told her everything that I felt for her- very emotional for both of us