[tondy24]

We have been trying to adopt #2 for about 15 months with no luck (we are doing independent adoption). In the past 2 weeks, we suddenly have heard from 4 potential birthmoms! One we said no to, she lived in Canada, another one just left a message today, so I need to call her back. But my problem is with the other two potential birthmoms from a week ago. We figured there was no harm in talking to all of them because it never goes anywhere. Well sure enough they are both very interested in us, why does this happen?

#1 is 6-7 months pregnant & #2 is only 3.5 months along. We like them both very much. We gave #1 our attorney's phone number yesterday (she was willing to call) so we can try and get some more info (any exposures, etc) on her, she has not been very forth coming about anything. We are kind of waiting to hear if she calls the attorney & what she has to say before saying for sure if we would like to move forward with her. #2 has her first pre-natal appointment today and is supposed to call me tonight to talk more.

I certainly don't want to string anyone along and I am sick that we now have two possible birthmoms and I don't want to hurt anyone. I feel like the the best thing to do would be to tell #2 that we are speaking to someone else & we are not sure if it is going to work out or not, but let her know we are still interested if #1 doesn't work out. But I worry that she will get mad and drop us and then #1 won't even work out and we will be left with nothing. Ideally we would hear back about #1 before talking with #2, but that doesn't look like it will happen. So what in the world would you do?

[mommieof2cuties]

I am blown away that the one who is 3.5 months along has not been to the doctor yet. I wouldn't count anything in or out until someone has spoken to your att and can confirm pregnancy. But I do wish you the best

[shy_bear]

I also think until you have ALL the info you need don't count out both situations.

[jules17]

I agree on just gathering info on both situations.

All parties involved could change their minds, so I would just gather info for now.

And congratulations on possibly wonderful news!

[tondy24]

Originally Posted by mommieof2cuties

I am blown away that the one who is 3.5 months along has not been to the doctor yet. I wouldn't count anything in or out until someone has spoken to your att and can confirm pregnancy. But I do wish you the best

The one that is 7 months hasn't had any pre-natal care, so I am happy that 3.5 months is going at all.

[tanmansmom]

TJ had no prenatal care until the 5th month and he is perfect. As the saying goes: Babies take what they need.

[nurse_reedle]

I would just gather information right now also.

At 3.5 months, there isn't anything super special that has been done to make a baby healthier than it otherwise would be. Prenatals, but babies get what they need....prenatals are more for the mother than the baby.

[devildogwife]

Cameron had very limited prenatal care and was born with a terrible heart defect. Nothing his birth mom did or didn't do caused it, but had it been caught before birth, his delivery could have been planned a whole lot better. My personal experience, I would really want the babies heart checked out. Prenatal care is invaluable.

I agree, see what unfolds with both situations right now. It doesn't seem like you're far enough along to where you need to inform one or the other.

[binkybear]

Originally Posted by tondy24

I certainly don't want to string anyone along and I am sick that we now have two possible birthmoms and I don't want to hurt anyone. I feel like the the best thing to do would be to tell #2 that we are speaking to someone else & we are not sure if it is going to work out or not, but let her know we are still interested if #1 doesn't work out. But I worry that she will get mad and drop us and then #1 won't even work out and we will be left with nothing. Ideally we would hear back about #1 before talking with #2, but that doesn't look like it will happen. So what in the world would you do?

I agree with those who have said to gather all info before even projecting about what if's or making decisions. Personally, and this is just me, I could never in secret or in full disclosure have a pbmom be a back up plan or a stand by. I'm sure that's not at all how you feel either, but even suggesting that if #1 doesn't work out you're happy about #2 kinda sorta implies that idea. I'm obviously not a emom/bmom, but as a woman that suggestion would certainly make me mad. I'd be thinking my kids not your consulation prize behind door #2. So, just be careful and honest with that idea

Gather all the info, make your decision based on all that's important to you and in the end what's meant to be will happen. Good luck and congrats on having what is really good news overall!!

[tondy24]

Originally Posted by binkybear

I agree with those who have said to gather all info before even projecting about what if's or making decisions. Personally, and this is just me, I could never in secret or in full disclosure have a pbmom be a back up plan or a stand by. I'm sure that's not at all how you feel either, but even suggesting that if #1 doesn't work out you're happy about #2 kinda sorta implies that idea. I'm obviously not a emom/bmom, but as a woman that suggestion would certainly make me mad. I'd be thinking my kids not your consulation prize behind door #2. So, just be careful and honest with that idea

Gather all the info, make your decision based on all that's important to you and in the end what's meant to be will happen. Good luck and congrats on having what is really good news overall!!

I'm so glad you pointed out how I was coming across. That is not in any way how we feel and I am so glad you said something so I don't ever phrase it that way to a potential birthmom. Thank you!

To everyone else, thanks for your advice/support. I think you are right, we will continue to get more info on both of them before letting them know and making a decision.

[mommieof2cuties]

my post was not about the medical care but that they were pregnant and had seen a doctor to confirm this. I have work with clients who never thought they were pregnant and BAM had a baby. Yes I am huge on medical care, but my point was to make sure you had proof that both went and have seen a doctor and are pregnant.