[mom25-4g1b]

I have to believe it matters so much where you live. We are in PA. We have adopted 2 newborns through the foster care system (2 days and 3 days old). It can happen. We have 3 families in our church that all also adopted newborns through the system. Three of these babies (including my daughter) were Safehavens. We have friends that went through the private agency route and they had a much more difficult road. I don't think that really means anything it just seems to be very unpredictable whatever way you choose. I would talk to the caseworkers in your county. Our fostercare cw told us right away that they had a need for families to take babies. When we recieved the call for my daughter we were the last family available and the cw almost didn't call us because we had just finalized with our son. I'm certainly not saying it's easy but it is possible. I guess that I should mention that my son was drug exposed and my daughter is biracial. This was just something we were willing to deal with (the drug exposure) . My son is doing beautifully and has hit every milestone on time or early. Could he develop problems? Of course. So could my three bio children that were certainly not drug exposed.
Blessings to you!!!! Thanks for listening!
Shelley in PA - Mom to 5

[DannieAS]

statistically speaking...the county I'm in has a very high number of children in the system and adopted out due to drugs....sometimes exposure, more likely due to neglect and failure to protect (drug deals, incarceration etc)...we also have learned that the foster system is very broken. Our county has been piloting a better system for permanence so it appears as though kids who are up for adoption will rarely be RU and they don't believe in long term foster care...since this has been really well documented before. Hence the positive experience of my friends/coworkers...and as in shelley's case in PA we also have had a high number of relinquishments as well in the county where I live...

But as we all know, it's not final til it's final. Adoptions are rarely simple.

[joshrwn]

We went with the state. We found that most agencies wanted several thousands and one even wanted over $30K.

With the state, the first call we got was for a 3 year old girl with some emotional issues. My wife said yes without talking to me. When they dropped her off, she was 3 weeks old and no issues. 2 1/2 years later, we finally adopted her.

[jamesandtiffanyadopt]

Our goal was to have a private adoption with our own marketing for birth mother(s) and working with our lawyer (who is awesome). Our first almost match didn't work (an Aunt popped up and took him). Our second almost match was with a foster baby and her foster parents were too much to handle (they wanted to be permanent grandparents) and the system was very much broken regarding communication (KS).

We are now working with one agency (private) and still continuing to market on our own (our website has had 400 hits in 7 months). We have earned 11 calls in 7 months on our own for about $600 in post card mailings and $0 for our free website. As opposed to $12,000 for a facilitator (SERIOUSLY?!) and $2,500 - $5,500 to sign with an agency (No Thank You!).

You really have to do what feels right for you and what fits in your budget. Best wishes!

[Linny]

I'd agree a LOT of this has to do with the area you reside in. We initially went through private agencies while living overseas. Our first two babies are Asian.

Years later, we didn't think we could afford to adopt privately and we were older. Hence the idea to adopt through foster/adopt. Wrong move for us. Believe me, we tried; but our state is known for a very broken foster system. Sadly, I have to agree.
The three we *did* adopt were older and through the years, all three failed in some form. Long story.

Looking back, if we'd done more research on private adoptions, we'd have been able to afford infant adoptions. We've since gone on to adopt three infants through private agencies. We're hoping for one more.

Our experience is that the foster to adopt system in many states is rotten to the core. However, that's in some states. My hat's off to anyone who can adopt older children with serious issues and live to tell the tale...and help a badly damaged child in the process. It was too difficult, tragic and just plain dangerous for us to continue.

I can say though, that I've heard and known of other people in other states who have much more progressive and reputable foster systems. It's too bad the majority of systems aren't known for their intelligent moves or seriousness in protecting children.

Sincerely,

Linny