[Stormster]

We get no support. In fact, it's mostly on me. But ours is pretty dysfunctional due to issues of the birth parents, between the birth parents, among the rest of the birth family....

My Dad acts as if it's the dysfunction that bothers him but I know that for everyone it's the OA. It threatens them. If they say anything I almost always say that we gave our word, we made a promise and that is why we were even chosen! When it comes down to integrity and honesty in my family they shut right up.

If my mother were alive she'd have tried to prevent it. It would have been a mess.

Also I have two first cousins who were adopted in the closed era and a nephew who is in a closed International adoption so that adds another dimension.

After a year and a half I think everyone is starting to see that it's a harmless relationship but they have yet to see how it will be positive.

I know it will be. I'm sure some day it will all make sense to everyone!

[jpeel99]

Thanks for all your comments. I have always done things quite different than my mother (It's mostly my mom with the issue). She is actually the type of person that gets jealous about other relatives on my husband's side of the family, so for her to "share" her grandchild with a bio family would be unthinkable for her.

I think I am going to just keep that side of things to myself.

We do have an open adoption, but it's not spelled out as to how it will develop over the years.

The problem is.....my mom asks me about things with the bMOM so much, that I hate to have to lie to her.

[portlowski]

Other than my dad and step mom, as I mentioned earlier, the rest of my family has been great about our OA. When my dad and stepmom told me they would not be attending ds's birthday party (lame excuse to cover up that they didn't want to see birthfamily) my dh talked to his mom about it. And he said, "Iknow it is kind of a weird situation (OA) but we think it is for the best" and his mom said, "No, it really isn't weird at all. There was a young woman who was unble to raise her child so she chose a couple who wanted to be parents, and now she wants that child to know she loves him and wants to see that he is doing okay. And everyone gets together for his benefit. That doesn't sound weird at all. Not when you consider all the ways familes are made these days." Ah, the voice of reason.