[jpeel99]

I am interested to hear from people that have an open relationship with one bio mom and a closed with another. How is this working out, as far as your children are concerned? I would especially like to hear from people who's children have been home for many years and are old enough to understand adoption.

Thanks

Jen

[mommamarci]

I am also interested in this. My kids are young, but we have one open and one closed as well.

[Singlemom619]

Well my youngest is 3 so he doesn't really get it - he doesn't even remember or recognize his Bmom and hasn't seen her in a year. His adoption - at least with his Bmom - will be closed. I am hoping his relatives will still want some level of open-ness but they have made it clear they have a problem with my race (I'm white, they're black) and I have a feeling they may cut off contact once TPR goes through.

My older son had a VERY open adoption until November and now it's only open by e-mail and letter - me sending them.

I was very worried about what would happen if one had contact and the other didn't - because I knew my oldest already saw the difference and my youngest would figure it out eventually....

Who knows - one could open up or they both could.

My plan - and it's always worked with my oldest - to be completely honest. To explain why one is open and the other isn't, or to explain why there is only X amount of contact. The only thing I can do is be honest with them.

[tomandcate]

I am in the same situation - oldest (4) is fully open, youngest (2) has always been semi-open (she has all our info and we've sent many letters/pictures) but we've never heard from her. I am still hoping that she will contact us one day.

One thing I am hoping is that my oldest's first mom will agree to talk to my youngest if he ever needs a firstmom's point of view. I haven't asked her yet and I don't think I'll even broach the subject until they are much older, if at all.

I have two step-siblings that were adopted during the closed era and I also hope they will be able to lend him support if he ever needs it - they both know what it feels like to have no contact (although neither of them have ever wanted to search).

So...my plan as of now is to, as a PP mentioned, be honest with him. I'm not sure why she doesn't want contact right now, but I suspect it is still too painful. What I do know is that she loves him very much.

I too would love to hear from anyone who is in the situation and has had to confront the questions and emotions involved with open/closed in the same family.

Cate

[gigigeorge]

We have 1 very very open and 2 what I guess would be semi-open as we shared information but they both desire no contact whatsoever. In fact our 2nd child, the bmom met with us and her only question for us was about how we would deal with that...

it should be interesting as they get older...

[gwenrenee007]

I know your older son is from Guat. you can possibly have an open adoption if you search for his birth mother and she wants contact. Then this won't be a problem and both could be open!

Good luck!

[jpeel99]

Good point Gwen. That is something that we are thinking about a lot lately.