[srusse24]

My two boys do share some resemblance, so we often get asked "Are they brothers". I know I shouldn't, but I hestitate with my answer. DH and I both know what they mean... Are they biological brothers? My answer is usually "not biologically", but then I beat myself up knowing that I should just say "yes" and move on.

How do you handle this question?

My gut says just to answer "yes" since we do not owe a stranger (or anyone really) any explanation. We are open with our boys about their adoption, but I don't want them to look at each other in any way other than brothers.

After two years though, I am still surprised at how many questions we get from strangers. I just cannot imagine walking up to someone I don't know and asking some of the things people ask/say.

[buttascotchbaby]

But... they are brothers, right?

My sons are 7 months apart and I get "are they twins?" and I just say "one of them is adopted". There is never any question that they are brothers, though. Because I adopted my oldest son as a 9 y.o. it is even more important to me that they feel they are brothers, so since he and my DD were placed with me as foster children they decided that they were brothers, and after 3 years and finalizing the adoption they truly are, without question, brothers. Just my experience and opinion

[kara05kara]

Our boys are two years apart, and we get this alot, too. Usually I say, "Yep!" and move on. We did get this question from extended relatives over the holidays, so I was a little more detailed by saying, "Well...they are now!" I want both of my sons to consider themselves as brothers and not worry so much about the biology of it all. Plus, I'm usually saying, "Be nice to your brother!" "Don't shove your brother!" "Stop riding your brother like a horse!" So there you have it.

Natalie

[Stormster]

They ARE brothers. Period! I think that's a kind of personal question actually! They should just take your family at face value for what it is: a family. Why ask that?

That is why I feel you don't owe anyone an explanation of their particular genetic history UNLESS it is something you fully want to discuss with a close friend or professional for some reason.

[jalapeno]

I've been in that situation many times. And many times I've been annoyed with myself after the fact for my response. I get the "are they twins?" a lot. A few times people have asked if my kids are triplets. Even from people who know they're all my kids I sometimes get questions like "now, which one is your daughter's brother?" I know people are wondering about my kids biology. And I'm not usually in the mood to be snippy - I generally give people the benefit of the doubt. But really, the simple fact is that my kids are siblings. I really think it just takes some practice in getting the response down right so that it feels more comfortable to say whatever it is you want to say. For my part, I'm most satisfied when I just give the short answer to the actual question that's asked. If people want to know more, they can ask.

[aclee]

I also think that sometimes we can too quickly go on the offensive. Maybe they DO just want to know if they are brothers. Maybe they mean, is one yours and one his friend from school?

I would just say yes and move on...

I have a hard time giving people the benefit of the doubt too, but I have to stop myself and realize that maybe everyone isn't as into my life as I am...

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by aclee

I have a hard time giving people the benefit of the doubt too, but I have to stop myself and realize that maybe everyone isn't as into my life as I am...

I love this!! I'm gonna definitely try and keep this in mind

[jules17]

If I had a nickel for every time we have been asked "Are they twins?" or "Are they brothers?" ...I would be RICH. Really, really, really rich.

I answer with some variation of "No, they are not twins, but they are most definitely brothers!!"

Sometimes I get, "but are they real brothers?" followed up with "you know what I mean"...to which I replied, "No, I don't" and keep walking.

[hopefulmommie2b]

We are both Caucasian. DS is the epitome of Caucasian...blonde and blue eyed. DD is only 3 months and is Caucasian/Hispanic, but definitely looks more Hispanic. They are 21 months apart, and I get "are they both YOURS?" or "are you remarried?" I cannot believe what comes out of some people's mouths. I politely say they ARE brother and sister and keep walking...

[SamIAm2]

I have one step-daughter, 4 bio children, and 1 adopted daughter....they are all mine and they are all brothers and sisters. Period. No explanations. Honestly, I think several of them would get their feelings hurt if I answered with any kind of explanation to the person questioning their siblinghood.

[buttascotchbaby]

This thread kind of reminds me (sorry to hijack for a second ) of when I was growing up. We have a pretty convoluted, complex family consisting of my parents meeting, marrying when they were very young, having me, my next brother and then divorcing. After going their seperate ways they remarried (a combined) 5 times, resulting in 6 more children. So, we have a ton of "half brothers" and I always hated that term. I never then or now loved my brothers only half way since they were only my "half brothers" I ALWAYS refer to them as my brothers.

I guess that experience prepared me for the world of adoption

[aclee]

Originally Posted by buttascotchbaby

This thread kind of reminds me (sorry to hijack for a second ) of when I was growing up. We have a pretty convoluted, complex family consisting of my parents meeting, marrying when they were very young, having me, my next brother and then divorcing. After going their seperate ways they remarried (a combined) 5 times, resulting in 6 more children. So, we have a ton of "half brothers" and I always hated that term. I never then or now loved my brothers only half way since they were only my "half brothers" I ALWAYS refer to them as my brothers.

I guess that experience prepared me for the world of adoption

Oh the world of remarriage. I have 2 1 full bio sister, 2 step sisters, a half brother and half sister. I also have "siblings" from my mothers second marriage, which she is no longer in...He had kids from his first Marriage who are sort of related in that they are step siblings to my half siblings. We keep in touch. They have kids too...I call them by name, cause I have no idea what their actual relation is to me...they used to be my nieces and nephews (by marriage maybe?) but when my Mom divorced their grandfather (her second husband), I don't know what to call them now.

I have two grandparents that I've never even met. I guess it's easy to see how no one in my family had any issue with adoption. Ty is as blood related to them as anyone

[ChromaKelly]

Originally Posted by aclee

I also think that sometimes we can too quickly go on the offensive. Maybe they DO just want to know if they are brothers. Maybe they mean, is one yours and one his friend from school?

I would just say yes and move on...

I have a hard time giving people the benefit of the doubt too, but I have to stop myself and realize that maybe everyone isn't as into my life as I am...

That's true, and it's hard for me to keep in mind too. Some people are just nosy!
I get more questions about my bio girls than I do about Caleb. Ainsley has very curly hair, Bea has straight hair. They look almost nothing alike and Ainsley looks a year younger to most people. I've gotten are they cousins, they can't both possibly be yours, wow two kids so close, how did you get one with curly hair, you name it.

[Canadamom92]

Somewhat the same, but not exactly.

Our kids don't have the same bio-dad. When our middle dd started school, she came home and said her teacher told her, "She's not your sister, she's your half sister" in regards to our oldest daughter. We asked our middle dd what she said back, and (being herself), she apparently rolled her eyes at the teacher and said, "Duh! How can I have HALF a SISTER?!?!"

I love my girls!

If someone asked me, I'd just say "Yes, they're brothers." Because they are. Having different genes doesn't change that and strangers really don't need all of the back story.

[Amber76]

It is tough sometimes to know just what to say and how much. I have my son, who is 9 months, and am raising my two nephews, who are 14 and 16 years old. I get a LOT of nosey questions and comments-"Wow, you must have started young to have such an age range!", "You almost have two seperate families", etc. I usually try to ignore these comments, but the boys have come up with an answer to the "Is that your baby brother?" They call my son their brother-cousin. Too cute!
I think it's perfect for you to just say yes and keep on walking! And I also think it's fine to say they are brothers through adoption or anything else you and your sons feel comfortable with.