[Cjmeck]

I get this all the time too; but probably mostly since my son is CC and my daughter is AA/CC. I always, always just say YES, they sure are! And most people will just let it be, but others feel the need to put me on trial. I loved it when I volunteered in my son's class at school and my daughter was with me. A few kids (1st graders) asked my son if that was his sister. He said yes, she was his sister; end of story. Then, one said, but "she doesn't match you" and my brillant 6.5yo son said "God makes everyone different, DUH!". lol Love that boy.

You aren't lying or evading the truth when you answer yes. Because they are brothers. And I think as they get older, its more important that you are comfortable and confident in your answer. They are brothers. It doesn't matter how that came to be, but it is true.

[OakShannon]

Originally Posted by kara05kara

Plus, I'm usually saying, "Be nice to your brother!" "Don't shove your brother!" "Stop riding your brother like a horse!" So there you have it.

LOL! Don't you just love little boys?

I don't get, "Are they brothers?" because I only have one. But I do get, "Is that your baby?" a lot. The fact is, it's a logical question. I could be the nanny. Or a friend of the family. With questions like that, I've decided that if a one word answer will do, that's what I give. A simple "yes" with a smile works 95% if the time. I don't want to qualify it or explain it further because curious strangers, even friendly ones, really don't need any more information. And a longer answer is more likely to invite follow-up questions.

Several times, the people who have pushed for more information have turned out to be people with adopted children, people who are thinking about adopting or people who were adopted themselves - and with them I am happy to be more open.

[sadiegirl]

Honestly, I'd just say yes and move on.

They ARE brothers and you don't owe anyone an explanation!

[joskids]

Depending on how a question about our children is presented to me, I sometimes answer with "we are a family thru adoption." Sometimes people are intrigued by adoption or may be considering adopting themselves and I take the opportunity to educate. I've had lots of folks say to me "I've always wanted to adopt".

If I think someone is being rude or nosy (because my kids don't look like me), I answer "these are my children" and leave it at that.

[jpeel99]

Just say yes......cause they are!!

[jules17]

Originally Posted by OakShannon

But I do get, "Is that your baby?" a lot. The fact is, it's a logical question. I could be the nanny. Or a friend of the family. With questions like that, I've decided that if a one word answer will do, that's what I give. A simple "yes" with a smile works 95% if the time. I don't want to qualify it or explain it further because curious strangers, even friendly ones, really don't need any more information. And a longer answer is more likely to invite follow-up questions.

Oak, I guess sometimes even the question is bothersome to me. Maybe it is because I would never (pre- or post-) adoption ask a stranger if it was his or her child. Why in the world is it my business if you are the mother, the nanny, etc.? Other than people curious about adoption, of course...

I would say something like, "Wow! What a cutie!!" and leave it at that. I don't consider it my business if the child someone is holding is their child or not...that said, it will not stop the questions from others!

That said, and this is ironic, I am so proud that my children are adopted! I guess I am still searching for the "right place" to be proud without oversharing and feeling like I need to answer questions when I am just out with my sons.

(ETA: I hope I don't sound like a bitter old shrew! I'm not, I promise!)

[OakShannon]

I think the reason that I don't mind is that I know that if the shoe were on the other foot - I wouldn't be able to tell. And that question is often an opener into a "mom" conversation. I often get the feeling that they are just wanting to know if I'm the mom, because that changes the kind of conversation we might have about our kids. Usually, the conversation from there has nothing to do with adoption.

But, several times, that has been a lead in by someone who is an adoptive parent themselves (including one mom who we are getting together with for a play date next week) or they have some other connection to adoption.

It may not be the perfect conversation opener - but I'm not offended by being asked. He's my boy, alright! But there will be many times in our lives when that will not be immediately obvious.

[jules17]

Originally Posted by OakShannon

And that question is often an opener into a "mom" conversation. I often get the feeling that they are just wanting to know if I'm the mom, because that changes the kind of conversation we might have about our kids.

That makes sense...thanks for the explanation.

[alinev]

Originally Posted by jalapeno

I've been in that situation many times. And many times I've been annoyed with myself after the fact for my response. I get the "are they twins?" a lot. A few times people have asked if my kids are triplets. Even from people who know they're all my kids I sometimes get questions like "now, which one is your daughter's brother?" I know people are wondering about my kids biology. And I'm not usually in the mood to be snippy - I generally give people the benefit of the doubt. But really, the simple fact is that my kids are siblings. I really think it just takes some practice in getting the response down right so that it feels more comfortable to say whatever it is you want to say. For my part, I'm most satisfied when I just give the short answer to the actual question that's asked. If people want to know more, they can ask.

We also had 3 in 18 months oldest - adopted at birth, middle- bio, born 6 months later, youngest- full bio to eldest, adopted at birth 1 year later. We ALWAYS get asked if they are twins or triplets. I ALWAYS say the same thing, "no, they are just really close in age" Generally they leave scratching their heads!!

[Rubi]

My son started attending a new school today...He has very dark hair and dark brown eyes.....When I went to pick him up with little brother hanging onto me(my little one has light blond hair and very blue eyes), the teacher said, 'wow, your brother has such light hair!?' I just smiled and went on talking....I mean...what more is there to say?

The other day a friend's daughter asked me if my son see his mother often...First I wanted to explain that we have a semi open adoption ect, ect....then I just answered yes of cause he sees her everyday, here I am...he sees me everyday!

[Linny]

We got this a lot with our first two (18mos apart).....and with three now: "Are they related?', 'Are they brother and sisters?'

My usual answer: "They are NOW."
And sometimes I still get people who continue to say, "No....I mean, are they RELATED?"
--'They are NOW!" (And I'm continuing to smile...)

And for those who are incredibly dense---I MAY go ahead and say, "They were adopted and no, not biologically, but now, they are related.'

Sincerely,

Linny

PS: I"ve always hated the term, 'half-brother, step-sister, etc...too.