[manni28]

Leigh:

Hang in there, your child is coming soon.

Manni28

[Missymonkey]

and a woman going through the adoption process I think I'd like to offer my 2 cents.

I teach 4 year old kindergarten and have been for three years. It is a great job but there are some similarities between children of multiple sibling homes and no sibling homes. This can also be said for birth order. The youngest tends to be less independant, show less self-direction and not be one to be on the ball with self-responsibility. Is this bad? No, it's just different.

As for "only" children I've read plenty of articles and seen some of the similarities. Once again this is not bad. Onlyes have many strengths that non-onlies don't have. They are much more independant, self-confident, and often more imaginitive. But they can also be stubborn I have two right now that test me every day. It doesn't bother me, it's just who they are.

You should never feel like it is your fault for raising an only. You have been doing everything that you can to give your child a sibling. You are making every effort, no one should judge you! It'd be different if you were sitting on your hands and smirking.

It also sounds like you do everything you can to expose your child to social situations. A+ for you! You can only have so much control over things. The rest is just up to Him.

Isn't Barack Obama an only?

Missy
(I hope no one took offense, I only ment to share my experience as a teacher)

[joskids]

I have 8 children, 4 by birth and 4 by adoption. But here's my take on it . . . you are the MOM. When you are the MOM, you get blamed for everything!!!! I don't care how many children you have. If you have too many (in someone's eyes), you are blamed for "taking on too much."

We all do the best we can and, thank goodness, have each other to support and understand. No one who hasn't adopted can ever understand the emotion that goes along with all of this.

So I'll just send a cyber hug to all of you, because every single day, we're going to need it!!!

[loveajax]

Leigh, hang in there!!! I had an "epiphany" the other day while I was thinking of DD turning 4 that she will likely be my only child. And I wanted to bawl!!! Your second child will come to you and I hope it is soon! I know how frustrating waiting must be.

Missy, thank you for your post on "onlies"...omg, it describes my DD to an absolute "T." I am learning that while I wish things were different, there are some are some good things to being an only.

[sadiegirl]

Oh Leigh. I am sorry.

I want to thank you though b/c you wrote what's been on my mind for awhile now.

We haven't jumped back into the pond yet, but at this rate, when we do and considering wait times, DS will probably be 5-6 yo. Not exactly having a playmate, kwim?

I almost want to go for twins (yea right) if we go the adoption route again b/c at least they'd have each other to entertain.

DS will certainly be a help but not really someone to play with, yanno?

Anyway, I hear ya and I'm sorry.

[yehudit]

you are the MOM. When you are the MOM, you get blamed for everything!!!!

This is sooo true. Only we know the true conditions of our lives. There is always someone out there ready to lay blame on you, but they don't know your story as well as you do.

Good luck,

[Amber76]

Leigh,
All the things you said those preschool teachers said about your son could have-and were!-said about me-and I'm a middle child. Those same things have also served me well as I got older. Don't let anybody tell you your son's personality is wrong-it's just him. It may or may not have a thing to do with being an only or birthorder or anything else!
Hope your baby finds you soon!
Hugs!

[Leigh131313]

Thanks so much you guys - my letter was really just a vent.

I'm not upset that his teachers mentioned his only child status - they said it in a very kind way to reassure me that it's a very typical thing and that my son is not unusual (especially for an only) They are aware of our adoption story and have been very kind and supportive.

My vent was more just about my vision for my family not being realized - not YET anyway. And all of these little things that come up just remind me of it.

Somedays it's just so stinkin annoying. I've been ok with the wait for the most part - aside from some crap this fall that we had to deal with....but other than THAT, this has been pretty smooth.

But somedays - I just want it all to be OVER.


Thanks again...

[bajj]

(((((Leigh)))))