[Stormster]

Our neighbor invited us over for a little late Christmas party. He is a single guy and he wanted to invite us along with his other neighbor, a couple with older kids he thought we would like. Before the holiday when he invited us he was so sweet, being so inclusive of E and saying the lights will still be up for E and how he wanted E to always enjoy being there to see his house decorated for Christmas etc.

Well Friday he called to "confirm" but he changed the night from Saturday to Sunday and told me it would just be appetizers etc....fine, we were free tonight.

But then he adds "will you be bringing E?" ummmm yeah! And then says "sooooo will you be bringing a playpen or something?" I told him no, we don't even use a playpen anymore, haven't in months but he's a big boy now and will be happy to walk around, play on the floor etc. I mean it's not even a sit down dinner so what's the big deal? And wasn't the whole point to invite the family? What about little E knowing his Uncle "neighbor" and enjoying his house during the holidays?

I have such an issue with feeling offended when we are not welcome with our imperfect, slightly clumsy toddler who yeah, may spill something but we are careful. It's not like he even KNOWS him very well. He's really only seen him in his car seat! He sounded kind of annoyed that we were bringing him! I was so touched by the initial invitation but now I don't even want to go.

I'm in a cruddy mood now. I guess I have to go but I almost tempted to get a sitter. I don't feel E is wanted there and now I'm going to feel kind of self conscious. Why do i get the feeling this is not the last time I'll be in this situation?

[Daisy1339]

I think I'm missing something.....

You went over to his place before Christmas and that's when he said he wanted "E" to enjoy the lights? So this would be a second invite?

How old are the neighbors "kids" and will they be there, too?

It really sounds like a miscommunication. Maybe he just wanted you to meet another couple to have adult time with and maybe he assumed you would get a sitter since he already had you over with "E" the other time?

He sounds like a decent guy, overall, who likes you and your DH ( and "E"). Maybe he just doesn't know how to invite you over without "E". It doesn't mean that he doesn't like him anymore. I'm like you, I get offended first and then usually regret it. Cool off, sista! I think you guys must be pretty cool to hang out with if this guy wants to expand your friend base with him.

[Stormster]

Sorry, I wasn't clear ...

This is the only time we are going over. He extended this invite like a month ago, then he didn't call us back when we called to confirm after the new year but finally called on Friday and then with a decidedly less child friendly attitude.

He is an ok guy. Maybe I did misunderstand that E would be there....I thought that was the whole point. I don't know if the other kids will be there, probably not they are like 15 and 17.

[feelingreyt]

Sorry, but your neighbor sounds a little flakey.
If someone invites me over to their house for a "family" get to gether, they better know my kids are coming along.
If they don't want children present then that should be said upfront. Then I can decide AHEAD of time if I want to get a sitter or just stay home.
I don't blame you at all for not wanting to go. Yes the invitation was nice, but his attitude seemingly changed somewhere in between!

[jules17]

Originally Posted by Stormster

But then he adds "will you be bringing E?" ummmm yeah! I mean it's not even a sit down dinner so what's the big deal? And wasn't the whole point to invite the family? What about little E knowing his Uncle "neighbor" and enjoying his house during the holidays?

IF you still want to go, honestly, I would just call "Uncle Neighbor" (LOL!) and ask him point blank - "DH and I were talking and we were wondering if this is a kid friendly get together?" Just put it out there...even though it had already been established?

We make sure (sure sure) before we bring our kids - for the host/hostess, but mainly for our family's comfort level. Who gives a hoot if he has the best apps in town if you are uncomfortable because E is being a toddler, KWIM? This is just us, but we decline almost anything that isn't family friendly.

And if he says he would prefer no kiddos, I would politely decline with the no sitter route.

I am with you on if it is casual apps, who cares?? His attitude would have put me off enough to decline.

[EZ2Luv]

All due respect, my brother is single and has a really nice home that was definately not kid freiendly. Of course being a single guy he never thought anything like this would be an issue until reality hit and he realized that little ones to have a thing for touching stuff. Now he is probably the only bachelor with a safe kid friendly home.
STorm, I really think this is a miscommunication. He is probably just now realizing that there are certain things in his house that are either unsafe for a toddler to be around or just some stuff that he doesn't want touched. True, it is sucky that it came across the way it did, but I think he might have realized that in order for everyone to have a good time and hot have to chase a little one around he asked.

I would aske him why. I don't think he was not welcoming little E, I just think he must have looked around and thought to himself "OMG" all this stuff is just too tempting for a little one.
He invited the whole family from the start so he must want you all there.
It is hard once we have kids to think of days when we didn't have to child proof the house or place breakable items on higher shelves, we just think everyone has a child friendly home.
I never realized this until I went to visit a single friend of mine after visiting her when my son was a toddler. I could hardly enjoy the visit because I was so worried he would grab onto one of her prized murano glass item or some antique family heirloom. After that I knew to prepare and bring a PnP and enough toys to keep him busy.

EZ

If this post by chance came late, I hope you were able to go visit and enjoy yourself.

[Stormster]

We're going to go and just keep it short and sweet. Thank goodness it's not a sit down dinner LOL. UGH

I'm in a bad mood today so everything is making me mad. I'm going to try to be gracious!!!!!

PS He's not only single but by far the most meticulous person (male or female) I have ever met! So maybe he's having a little anxiety over a kid in the house.

But what annoyed me was how amazingly welcoming to E he was with the initial invite! Flakey is the word but not unkind!

Jules, it's too late, it's in like 1.5 hours! Eek!

[jules17]

Originally Posted by Stormster

Jules, it's too late, it's in like 1.5 hours! Eek!

Well, have fun with "Uncle Neighbor" then!!

[EZ2Luv]

OK I see he one of those house fanatics. Even more I think he was sincere in welcoming litte E then reality hit when he looked around at his "precious possesions" and freaked.

Anyow have a good time.

EZ

[Asha0314]

I probably wouldn't go. If your neigbor said that to me, I would feel like my child was not totally welcome and based on circumstances, I would either get a baby sitter or decline the invitation because I don't have baby sitter.

From the other perspective, if I invited someone over to my house and I knew they had a young child, if I know the child is coming, I would just prepare my house best I could to accomodate the child, not expect my guests to bring a playpen. If the child got unruly while they were there, I would certainly say something, but IF I know the child is coming, I would make reasonable accomodations for my guests child. I don't think it's polite to invite over people that have children (unless it's clearly an adults-only gathering) and make them feel their child is not welcome--in that case, maybe you shouldn't be inviting them over!

Sorry, this got longer than I intended...

[aclee]

Do you think that maybe he though E would need to go to bed while you all are over there, so he thought you might be bringing the playpen for that?

If that's not it, then I wouldn't go. We bring Ty everywhere. Pack and play in tow so he can go to sleep when he's tired. If he's unhappy, we leave. Ty's our family now and we come as a package. We'll have an occasional adult night out, but I'm not going to "waste" that on spending it with OTHERS. Adult nights out are for DH and I alone...sorry

[RavenSong]

Storm, how did the get-together go at Uncle Neighbor's house? Did he ever relax at all as far as E goes? (I'm assuming E didn't hang from the chandeliers or anything!)

I think Uncle Neighbor probably just had some sort of anxiety attack and thought little E would get into his stuff. Maybe he's OCD or something...

When I was born (way back in the stone age!), parents didn't "child-proof" their houses. They just taught their kids to "not touch" certain things...like, no, you do not bang on the glass coffee table, and no, you do not throw Grandma's prized glass elephant through her glass French doors. Believe it or not, I don't think it was a big deal. My parents always bragged about how polite and well-behaved I was when visiting their friends and relatives. Of course, I do remember my grandmother having conniption fits whenever I got within six feet of the electric fans or the fireplace...not to mention the electrical outlets.

[Stormster]

Raven i wasn't going to write about this but since you asked, it was horrible. We had a terrible accident there. E pulled down one of those huge leaning standing mirrors (not anchored to the wall) and it landed on him and he went RIGHT through the glass. I thought we lost him. It was the worst moment of my life.

He was shaken up and had a bump and some tiny cuts but he was ok. I don't think i'll ever be the same.

We were watching him soooo carefully. Or so we thought! You can't turn around for a SECOND.

The mirror was VERY valuable as well and the neigbor was not too pleased. WE are praying our home owners will cover it or at least part of it.

Most importantly I am thinking the heavens E is ok. Because it could have been very very very bad.

So.....i guess I should have followed my gut ONCE AGAIN.

[karla-k]

I am so glad your son is okay! It is a bit of irony isn't it? And someday you might laugh about this...someday

[feelingreyt]

Originally Posted by Stormster

Raven i wasn't going to write about this but since you asked, it was horrible. We had a terrible accident there. E pulled down one of those huge leaning standing mirrors (not anchored to the wall) and it landed on him and he went RIGHT through the glass. I thought we lost him. It was the worst moment of my life.

He was shaken up and had a bump and some tiny cuts but he was ok. I don't think i'll ever be the same.

We were watching him soooo carefully. Or so we thought! You can't turn around for a SECOND.

The mirror was VERY valuable as well and the neigbor was not too pleased. WE are praying our home owners will cover it or at least part of it.

Most importantly I am thinking the heavens E is ok. Because it could have been very very very bad.

So.....i guess I should have followed my gut ONCE AGAIN.

OMGoodness! Thank GOd E is ok. How scary.

Ok, aside from E almost getting the worst boo-boo ever, I had to laugh at the irony of it all. I mean, OH MY GOSH! Neighbor was nervous about a kid coming over and BAM an expensive mirror is broken. WOW! I bet that is the last time he has a toddler over for ANYTHING!

Sorry Storm, I shouldn't have went there, but I just couldn't help it.

Again, I thank the Good Lord that little E is OK!