[Ians mom]

This might get a little long so I apologize in advance.

My cousin and his girlfriend were 14 when the got preggers. He went to prison (long story) before she was a year old. Biomom kept the baby until just after her 3rd birthday when Ch. Svcs. stepped in and removed her.

Just before TPR, biomom D asked DH and I to adopt. We spoke to the foster parents and found out they were not interested in adopting and eventually she became our very own DD.

That was 5 yrs ago. Since then we have had an open relationship with D when she is stable (some mental health problems) D is also delayed and functions around a 13 yr old level.

Over the summer DD asked to see D so I called her and set up a visit. Even with rules and boundaries she engages DD in conversations that are not appropriate. Promises overnight visits, talks about D's new boyfriends, etc.. Just before Christmas D asked if she could have pics taken with DD. We allowed it because DD said she wanted to do it.

OK, so here is the part that upsets me. My friend calls me today from a doctors office to tell me that there is a pic of D and DD on their corkboard. This is the fourth or fifth person to tell me they have seen or been given pics of D with DD.

Now, I dont have any problem with D giving pics to her family. I am OK with SOME of her friends (some of her friends are sexual preditors, one of the reasons we have DD now but that is another story) But I think posting it in a public office is a bit too much.

So am I overreacting or should I mention it to D? I know I am partly to blame for allowing the pics to be done in the first place, but I really didnt think she would be posting them in public places.

[aclee]

I would mention it. I would also call the Dr's office or any other public place that they are up and ask to have them taken down. Chances are she sent them as Christmas cards and many public places put their Christmas cards up. I think if they are still up, you should just nicely ask to have it taken down, and then explain to bmom that pictures of her with your DD are for her, and her immediate family or very close special friends (if you think she would understand that, otherwise leave it at immediate family)

I would be upset too.

[loveajax]

People may debate about whether you "should" be upset or not (I would be upset by the way), but the reality is is that you are upset so you should definitely say something (nicely). With her limitations, maybe your DD's birth mom really didn't think this was a "big deal" (and heck maybe it really isn't in any event). Good luck!!

[sbaglio]

I agree that the fact that she is somewhat delayed may be a factor in her decision-making regarding the pictures. At the same time, I think I would be more concerned if she posted them online, to Facebook or MySpace. I really don't know what our DD's mom does with the many pictures we send her, but they are hers to do with what she wishes. And she loves DD, so I can see her wanting to show people who know about the adoption, our DD. Then again, she does not have the same issues as your child's bmom seems to have. Best of luck.