[Cjmeck]

Originally Posted by Texan99

Does anyone know the full title of the 1-2-3 Magic book. I just looked it up on Amazon and there are a lot of different ones. Is it Effective Discipline for Children 2-12? I am having the same issues as Storm and am hoping this book and everyone's advice will help me.

My son, B, is 2 1/2, and has thrown 2 public tantrums this week, which has involved me picking him up and carrying him kicking and screaming to the car. (you should see my bruises) Trying to get him in the car is an issue when this happens. He has tantrums at home too, but they are a little easier to deal with b/c I can walk away if he won't calm down.

Thank you,
Beth

Yes, that's the title of the 123 Magic. Its red I believe. That book is wonderful and I really need to re-read it.

[jules17]

Originally Posted by Cjmeck

Yes, that's the title of the 123 Magic. Its red I believe. That book is wonderful and I really need to re-read it.

We bought it, but I would Google it first. You can get the nuts and bolts without buying it.

[aclee]

Originally Posted by jules17

ITA...I answered from the scenario of E wanting something he shouldn't have, since that is what Storm started it out with.

If our sons are having a tantrum because their toy isn't working quite right, or they need to tell me something that is huge in their world, we talk and work it out.

But if it's just an "I want...wahhhhh!" then my above responses cover that.

I wasn't directing my response at you, so I hope you didn't take it personally I was only speaking to storm about tantrums in general...I just have two different ways, so I didn't make it a blanket statement...sorry if you felt that was directed at you somehow...

[jules17]

Another P.S. After the tantrum has subsided, we hug, talk, etc. and regroup after. They love it and will now say "HUGGIES" during their tantrum if they need help calming down/reassurance...which we always give.

[jules17]

Originally Posted by aclee

I wasn't directing my response at you, so I hope you didn't take it personally I was only speaking to storm about tantrums in general...I just have two different ways, so I didn't make it a blanket statement...sorry if you felt that was directed at you somehow...

No, I didn't take it personally at ALL! I thought I needed to further clarify since the way I answered were pretty much blanket statements.

And we all know in parenting that is not the case.

I never felt it was directed at me- it just reminded me that I needed to further explain. No worries, but thanks for thinking of me.

[paigeturner]

Oh Storm...I hated those days. My youngest, when she was done screaming would hold her breath 'til she passed out. Literally. After the first time, which scared me to death, it was sort of a relief...a few minutes of peace.

Aclee's dead on. No more cookies. I know you can't turn off your ears like Crick can, but you can pop in earplugs in the car or at home. IGNORE the tantrums as much as you can! At home, if he's a fling-himself-on-the-floorer just step over him and go into another room. In public, if you can't stand the stares, just exit the store or restaurant with out a word to E, strap him in his carseat, pop in your earplugs and take him home.

[Stormster]

FYI he's IMPOSSIBLE to redirect or distract after he locks onto an object. Please I'm the QUEEN of options and distractions. NOTHING WORKS. Cept the cookie of course

[jules17]

Originally Posted by Stormster

FYI he's IMPOSSIBLE to redirect or distract after he locks onto an object.

Sounds like you've got your work cut out for you then!!

[aclee]

Originally Posted by Stormster

FYI he's IMPOSSIBLE to redirect or distract after he locks onto an object. Please I'm the QUEEN of options and distractions. NOTHING WORKS. Cept the cookie of course

I can't wait to see him and Ty together. Ty doesn't tantrum often but he pulls out all the stops. I gave him the remote the other night and even that didn't stop the tantrum over wanting to share my soda (it had a STRAW...can you blame him?) he threw that remote right to the floor. When he finally stopped tantruming he started again cause he couldn't reach the remote that he then wanted

[jpeel99]

I don't know how old your child is but.....I do a lot of "love and logic" strategies and picking your battles...and sometimes ignoring. These things seem to have helped. I also told my son ahead of time exactly what I expected and the steps that we were about to be doing. I tried not to just spring things on him. I also give 4 minute warning or 2 minutes warnings when were going to stop what we were doing. I reward good behavior.

He is now 3 1/2 and I can reason with him much better. He understands rewards and consequences.

[minibus]

Oh, I feel for you, Storm! My daughter is also DRAMA. She used to start screaming "Eyes! Eyes!" when she was crying because her eyes would get wet. Because she was crying. Ugh. Now, often, she will put her hands over her eyes in the classic "boo hoo" pose while crying, just to get more attention and to get someone to say "Oh honey, are you ok?" Not.

I think that with a tantrummer, you have to build up a thick skin in public. You have to be ok with letting him scream at the top of his lungs because NO WAY are you going to reward such behavior via coaxing or cookie. Your E sounds like a smart guy. If he learns that he can get a cookie by throwing a fit, then he's going to throw a fit as often as he can. More fits = more cookies.

I always tell my DH (who is a total softie) - every time you reward (DD) for bad behavior, get ready for her to do that same bad behavior twice as often. It seriously increases exponentially. When we used to wipe DD's eyes every time she cried, she soaked up the attention and it became a plea ALL the time. When we finally started telling her "Your eyes are fine." and refused to pay attention to the screams of "Eyes! Eyes!" it took maybe 2 days and she never complained out her eyes being wet anymore.

My DD often starts being oppositional right as I get her out of the car. My solution? I give her a 3 count first, (1-2-3 to comply with the direction) and then say "Ok, you're not going to listen?" I then shut the car door with her in the car and me out of it. If we're at home, I may even walk away (10 feet to the mailbox to get the mail). Of course, that's not what she wants - she wants drama! So when I open the door again, I say "Are you ready to go now?" and 90% of the time she is. The other 10%, I say "Ok" and shut the door again. She's always ready to go by the time I open the door that 3rd time.

At her age and E's age, I wouldn't let a child alone in his/her room especially when they're tantrumming. That's me and my training working with behavior disordered children who often deliberately or accidentally hurt themselves when tantrumming. Other people feel differently, I know. I ignore, but I ignore in their presence (DD has to sit in timeout and I don't make eye contact with her until she calms down and stops crying). That way, they feel safe because they know that you're there and for me, it creates less of an attachment issue.

In your situation, I would have a) strapped E back into the carseat until he was calm and ready to go. Then b) if he threw a tantrum in the store, I would have let him do it. Shrug to passers by and give them say "Life is hard when you're one."

And sometimes you've just gotta do what you've gotta do and give in because you're in a rush or you just don't have the patience/willpower to deal with it at the moment.

*hugs* to you. Tantrums in public are hard!

[Cjmeck]

Originally Posted by Stormster

FYI he's IMPOSSIBLE to redirect or distract after he locks onto an object. Please I'm the QUEEN of options and distractions. NOTHING WORKS. Cept the cookie of course

Yikes, that's what I was afraid of... Time will help, honestly it will. Eventually, with you being consistent, he'll realize the tantrums are not producing what he wants. Eventually could be awhile though so hang on! Oh the joys of having a strongwilled, persistent kid! You may want to check out "Raising Your Spirited Child". I wish I would have found it when my son was E's age. Basically, about just finding ways to work around your son's inborn temperment and appreciating that his temperment will make him into a wonderful adult

[aallen25]

Shiloh is a tantrummer also, but lately she has become more of a screamer. In the last two weeks she has realized that she can scream it that seems to be her main form of communication now. It's not fun.

I'm also one of the mean mommies who ignores. When she tantrums I leave her to roll around on the floor until she's gotten it all out and that usually solves the problem. When we are out in public, I have to leave. There have been a couple of times while out to eat that I have had to take Shiloh out to the car while DH hurries to finish his meal and grab a to go box for mine.
I don't know what I'm going to do when she throws a real tantrum while shopping because I can't handle it. I would have to leave and then go back after DH got home from work. I'm not strong enough at this point to handle the stares and not feel like I had to apologize to every person we passed.

On a side note...a funny but not so funny story about DD. The other day Shiloh and I were driving with a friend of mine when Shiloh started her screaming thing. After me telling Shiloh to stop multiple times my friend turned around and sternly told her "no". Shiloh stopped but has soon as my friend turned back around to face the front of the car Shiloh gave one last very soft kind of scream as if to get the last word in....15 months old. Oh, what's in store for me.

[Stormster]

Guys you have ALREADY helped me so much. I've already learned to get physical control over him first. HE MUST be in the car seat or stroller. He needs to feel that I'm neutral (not apathetIC, JUST IN CONTROl) LOL IN CONTROL AS HE Is hitting the shift key as I type this. Some control!

It's like a fire. My emotions, my coaxing, my attention is like fuel for it. I have to be stronger.

I'm not naturally a tough person but he needs me to be a bit "stronger" he needs it, he wants it and i'm going to have to do it.

I hate that i have to be a mom now and not just a friend. Friends are more fun. But it won't help raise him to be what he can be. I learned that I CAN be pretty cool when he's losing it. People told me in the very beginning that it was great that I didn't stress out from his Colic. I mean i was exhausted and drained but I was cool as a cucumber. So I'm going to summon up that natural trait and also look up that 123 magic and read this thread every so often. GREAT THREAD. I mean REAL knowledge THANK YOU.

BTW for those who don't know us E is 17 months old.

[Stormster]

Originally Posted by aallen25

Shiloh is a tantrummer also, but lately she has become more of a screamer. In the last two weeks she has realized that she can scream it that seems to be her main form of communication now. It's not fun.

I'm also one of the mean mommies who ignores. When she tantrums I leave her to roll around on the floor until she's gotten it all out and that usually solves the problem. When we are out in public, I have to leave. There have been a couple of times while out to eat that I have had to take Shiloh out to the car while DH hurries to finish his meal and grab a to go box for mine.
I don't know what I'm going to do when she throws a real tantrum while shopping because I can't handle it. I would have to leave and then go back after DH got home from work. I'm not strong enough at this point to handle the stares and not feel like I had to apologize to every person we passed.

On a side note...a funny but not so funny story about DD. The other day Shiloh and I were driving with a friend of mine when Shiloh started her screaming thing. After me telling Shiloh to stop multiple times my friend turned around and sternly told her "no". Shiloh stopped but has soon as my friend turned back around to face the front of the car Shiloh gave one last very soft kind of scream as if to get the last word in....15 months old. Oh, what's in store for me.

Shiloh ALWAYS reminded me of E, you know that!