[Saya]

First if all, WOW!! What a great dilemma to have!!

While moving forward with both sounds great in some ways, I would think carefully about it. An 18 month old who suffers from neglect is a VERY different situation then a newborn. The little guy will need a LOT of help and support - not just to get developmentally up to speed but to properly attach to you - and you'd have to be willing to make that a priority while dealing with a newborn. Doable, but definitely challenging.

If you go with the infant, ask yourself, how do I feel about the fact that the e-mom could change her mind after birth?

If you go with the 18-month and not a newborn, ask yourself, how do I feel about adopting a toddler and not a newborn?

Tough questions, but I'm crossing my fingers that somewhere in there is the child that was meant to call you "Mommy."

[trixila]

My initial reaction was excitement for you and to tell you to go for both placements. Then I read aclee's post, and it brought the situation back to earth. It is really good advice and I hope you take to heart.
Good luck, you have certainly paid your dues many times over and are so darn ready!

[meghann]

I have no advice, but wanted to post to say I have everything crossed for you that one of these situations is "the one" for you. I think of you often & always hope that you get good news soon. I'll be so excited if this is it for you!

[srhbj]

Sandra I just got home and read your post. I am soooo excited for you. I will say what the others have said. Follow your heart. I know I have been in the same place and would easily have accepted both.

I will be praying this works out for you. Keep us posted.

[mdesi]

I am praying for you! If it were me, I'd go for both. (Although I do concede that others have a made some good points against it.) I would be honest with both decision makers in the adoptions.

I am praying that you get the children who need you as their Mommy, and that you have an abundant family.

[Gwen72]

Oh I am so happy for you!!! That is a tough decision to make. I'm sure you will make the best decision for you. I will keep everything I have crossed and send baby dust your way!

[jules17]

Sorry if this has been covered...I have to read lightning fast with my 2 little boys.

Do we know when the expectant mom is due?? You could have a good amount of time to get a handle on the older child before baby came home.

[Linny]

In our state, you might not be able to adopt both at the same time either. Be sure to check your state/agency laws. Piggy-backing on what aclee mentioned:

Adopting an 18month old can be tough. I know you have the medicals; but be sure to know indepth what the emotional aspects of this toddler are. It won't be the medical issues so much; as it will be the emotional ones. And, the emotional ones could be very trying.....

As for having both.....both of these babies will require a lot of time and patience and time and patience and---did I mention 'time' and patience?? LOL

Not saying you couldn't do it; heaven knows a lot of successful adoptions have taken place where this type of thing is the case. But, make sure you have a lot of support; make sure you're up for the challenge and you'll probably be fine. No, I know you'll be fine if this is what's supposed to happen, and you and your dh feel you can do this.
Of course, be sure to alert the possible emom of having the 18month old. (This might be something that would appeal to her anyway....having a ready-made sib, KWIM?)
And, best of luck. I know you'll keep us updated...

Sincerely,

Linny

[binkybear]

Wow, this is so exciting!! You'll make the 100% best decision with your hearts and heads......can't wait to hear what that is
I've said a pray for you!!

[4everwaiting]

Wow, I just worte this big thing, and now its not there...

So here goes again, lol.

Thank you for all your thoughts and concerns- we completely agree, both babies will be special needs. The oldest due to his past, and the youngest due to being a newborn...

Believe me, this decision was not taken lightly or with blinders on.

This is what we decided- We will pursue the 1.5 year old only if CPS will allow private adoption. If CPS will not accept mothers signed TPR we will not pursue lengthy court battle which could result in huge attorney fees...

We will also be waiting on PBM decision for 2 week old on Friday.

As of right now, we don't know on either case, we know that we have put our best foot forward, (for us) it is all in Gods hands now... It will be what it will be- nothing more we can do. (Other than, hope, pray, cry and worry lol)

For those that were concerend about possibly being overhwelmed... I'm sure at times we both will be ready to run out the door screaming as we are pulling our hair out. That's when we'll call in the recruits, my sister next door as well as all the uncles and aunts that are only a mile or two away will give us a break or a hand when needed... We have a huge family support system in place and close at hand!

Thanks guys for all your advice and continued support while we wait!

(((HUGS)))

Sandra

[BethanyB]

Here's hoping everything works out the way it's supposed to for your family.

[SuzBerg]

Sandra - We adopted our daughter when she was 2.5. I loved adopting a toddler and we have had a great experience (she's 7 now). If you do adopt the 1.5 year old, I highly recommend reading "Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft" by Mary Hopkins Best. And maybe checking in on the Special Needs board, several of us on there have adopted younger "older children" .

If you have any questions specific to adopting a toddler please pm me. I hope you have some news soon! Best Wishes - Suz

[startedover]

I don't even know you and my excitement is out the roof. I would have loved the opportunity to do what you have been presented with, but I am also a believe in "ask and you will receive" and I know that is the only way I could come to an answer for myself.

[SupaModel]

I am soooo happy for you. You guys TOTALLY deserve this. Your in my prayers!

[maviskat]

Wishing the best for you! Good Luck!!