[mandiedandie]

We're nearing our one year mark of waiting...and I've had some people tell me that our wait isn't that long, but I'm sorry, almost 365 days of waiting, day in, day out, hour by hour, for that call to come is tough. We just updated our book, put new pictures in there, added my little sister's (she's 17 and just had a baby, yeah, that's tough to bear too) baby in there...so we've done what we can do there. I am wondering if anyone branched out and posted on parentprofiles.com, as well as, worked with their agency? Please PM me if you have any experience with them, negative or positive. I'm kind of weary of going on there because of the potential for scams, and we can't afford that in the least...but we were thinking of having all potential birthmoms (if we had any) work through our agency. Or if anyone got to this one year mark and just felt desperate and frustrated and what you did? Thanks

[mdesi]

Hi Mandie, I'm glad to see you posting again! I have no advice. We have not done parent profiles. I keep chickening out. I'm desperate and frustrated, and I have only been officially waiting for 7 months - so I get it. I think people who tell us that our wait has not been that long have no idea what many of us have been through to get to this point. (I have to remind people that I have been waiting for six years to have our child join our family. I have only been approved to adopt for seven months, but my heart has ached for that child for six years.)

[jpeel99]

I am so sorry! It's so hard to wait. It will happen. Our waiting was over 18 months.

[lovemy2boys]

I've been there...It's not fun. We waited 15 months the first time - but like you said, that was after a 5 year "trying/IF" phase.

I know it's frustrating to hear people say things like "well, you haven't been waiting that long" and the million other things they say...but they mean well, and alot of times people feel like in order to be supportive, they have to say SOMETHING...and more often than not, it isn't exactly what you want to hear.

I just wish I would have found this place during my wait, because my DH and I had zero support. Zero.

After a year of not hearing anything, we decided to explore other avenues...We weren't really proactive, but we did a bit of research here and there...that seemed to help a bit, but nothing seemed to feel right.

When 15 months rolled around, I was only a few months shy of my 30th birthday...and things started to hit hard. So DH and I decided we were going to Italy for my bday. Finances be darned...We bought all kinds of books, I started to "learn" Italian, and we even mapped out our two week vacation.

A few days later, we got the call...Not saying that planning a vacation is the answer, but finding something to look forward to - something to take our minds of off baby baby baby baby - really helped.

And as mind numbing it is to here those well meaning phrases that pretty much just seem like empty sentiments, let me throw one more at you

Your baby is out there. He/she may come in your lives tomorrow. Maybe a week from now. Maybe 2 years from now. But when you bring that little one home with you, you will realize that there was a bigger purpose. That this little guy/gal was THE ONE. And all the agony and angst will melt away.

Good luck on your journey. And we'll be here for you along the way.

[SupaModel]

PM'ed you.

[Linny]

The wait IS hard, even after you've adopted more than one. But, I see on your signature that you're in AZ? Have you considered 'signing on' with other agencies/attorneys throughout the nation? This IS possible; and oftentimes, depending on what type of adoption you're wanting, you can sign on with other groups for nothing---or very little. (This is especially true if you're open to some special needs---drug exposure, some biological issues, etc)

I understand your frustration, really I do. And, by the way fees have raised even more over the last few months, this could only be MORE frustrating!!!!!

If I can be of any help in providing more tips, please feel free to pm me. I'm not involved with any adoption entity, just a mom who knows what it's like to wait...and wait a long time too.

Sincerely,

Linny

[Gwen72]

After we waited three months I applied at a second agency. We were being shown by two different agencies in two differnt states (our home state and the next state over). We were open to any race and gender and open to prenatal alcohol exposure and some drug exposure. We ended up waiting 38 weeks for our son. Good Luck and i hope you don't have to wait too much longer!

[HeidiK]

I hear you ----after waiting over two years with my agency I decided to venture out on the internet superhighway. I crafted an introduction letter that included pictures from my profile, and the type of child and type of adoption I was looking for. I included my financial limitations as well. I started on A.com and sent this letter to every agency, facilitator and attorney I could find an email address for...some called me back, others never did. One conversation turned into others, and I got more suggestions, and with more suggestions came other calls from other places...finally after about 3 weeks I got a call from a lady in Idaho who suggested a place in Texas. I found their email addres, sent them my letter on Thursday night - and 8 days later I was in Texas meeting my two day old son.....it was a miracle! There is a lot to be said for being in the right palce at the right time. I tell people my story because waiting is the hardest part and I got to a place where I needed to feel like I was an active participant in the process..it felt right to me - even if I did get a ton of rejections in the process....good luck to you

[sambob]

Waiting is definitely the hardest part - it's especially difficult to just sit back and wait for the phone to ring. You might take the new year as an opportunity to get the word out (probably again!) that you're interested in adopting, network with friends and associates, send emails and letters to everyone, and encourage them to pass the information along to people they know. A lot of matches happen that way. Contact your agency on a regular basis, just to check in and see if they have some suggestions for you. Good luck!

[mandiedandie]

I appreciate all of your feedback and ecouragement. I am doing a lot better at this point than a couple of months ago as some of you know...and I don't focus on it so much, but it gets really hard soemtimes now that my 17 year old sister has a baby and it seems like everyone in my family is pregnant AGAIN...earlier this year it was a wave of pregnancies and now, again, another wave, and mostly by family members that are unmarried, in a bad financial situation, or just didn't even want kids, so it's hard. I do try and have things to look forward to, and I am working again part time at the food bank, so that helps...I just get so frustrated with it, and now my husband is starting too, which is hard too because he is usually the calm, voice of reason with unrelenting patience, but he's starting to show his heartache and it kills me too. We've been waiting to be parents since we were married, so about 4 years now...but we just started a year ago...it is hard. I don't think i will do parentprofiles anymore though...I'm chicken and a fellow poster made some good points about the rollercoaster it could cause (I can be emotional). As for other agencies...I'm 2 years shy of 25, and a lot of agencies won't work with me, or cost way way too much...and our agency is perfect for us cost-wise and the fact that they will work with us...so we're stuck with one agency. Thanks everyone

[lovemy2boys]

Originally Posted by mandiedandie

I just get so frustrated with it, and now my husband is starting too, which is hard too because he is usually the calm, voice of reason with unrelenting patience, but he's starting to show his heartache and it kills me too.

HA! I went through this too!! My DH, like yours - he is the "calm" of our relationship, whereas I am the ball of emotions...and when HE would get frustrated/upset/sad, I was like "Wait a minute here!!! It's not ok anymore!"

It's like, as long as DH was calm, I knew things would be ok...but when he stressed, my world was off it's axis - lol.

I remember your story. I can imagine how tough things are, especially during the holidays...I'm thinking of you!

[mandiedandie]

I am sure most of you remember me and what happened a few months back, so I just want to let you all know that I am doing WAY better than I was at any point this year. I was able to come off the the anti-depressant and saw a GOOD therapist and now know how to deal with things more effectively and in a positive way, thankfully. And, my sister had her baby the day before Thanksgiving, and I am dealing with it day to day, but sometimes I get SOOOOOO pissed and frustrated seeing her with my nephew because she is so young, and she has no clue what she is doing and is so lazy that it doesn't seem like she wants to know what to do. And then we had the whole blowout where she was saying I think he's my kid and try to act like it because I hold him wrong (he's a newborn, so I hold him against my chest, and apparently that's innaprpriate to her and she would NEVER do that with my kids...uuhhh, okay?) and she wouldn't even let me hold him...but we worked that out and apparently it was just her own insecurity, I never did anything wrong, she jsut was flipping out for her own reasons...so that hurt like crazy, to have my sister tell me that I try to think he's my kid and he's going to get confused and I told her, in a storm of tears, "you think I'm stupid? You think I don't go home every night and wake up every morning knowing that my nursery is empty? I can't believe you think that I try to pretend or try to think he's mine, I know he's not, I know I am not a mom, I know it every second of the day" and she bursted out crying and it ended there...so yeah, I don't know why I just brought that up. Anyways, back to the OP topic...

We talked to our agency today and the director said that the average wait time for the is 9 months, and we're almost at 11, and that they recently had a hospital call, so the longest waiting family received that child and so we moved up that list, and that they keep their waiting families to about 10, with no more than 15 ever, and they place about 10-12 a year...so we should...hopefully...have our baby soon...lol, soon, like within 6 months, so that agve me a little more hope. Alright, I need to clean now. Thanks everyone

[waitingforanangel]

I'm so sorry to hear about your long wait. I know it is excruciating. Just know that at any time, you may receive the call that your baby is waiting for you! Try to keep busy with other activities and do your best to make your chances the best they can be (make changes to your profile, apply with multiple agencies, call your agency regularly to get updates, etc.).

I wish you the best and hope that your baby will be home with you soon!

[sbaglio]

Have you limited your options with regard to race, ethnicity, gender, drug exposure, etc? These may be making your wait longer. Forgive me if this is not the case.

[mandiedandie]

We're open to caucasian, caucasian/hispanic, and full hispanic...we live in AZ, so that isn't too hard to come by. We're open to drug exposure, alcohol, etc...and mild health problems, both genders...so we're not extremely limited, we don't think...but that is what we are open to.