[oceanica]

I was reading that other thread and didn't want to hijack it, so I started another one.
My nephew, bio child of my brother and his wife, is 7.
He has always been extremely interested in sparkly things and the color pink. Loves Swarovski stuff. He just got into his brother's old bedroom and he wants to redo it in pink. He doesn't like the dinosuar theme that's in there now one bit. When he was 3 years old he grabbed my wedding/engagement ring at the prongs and said "nice diamond." He dances in a sort of girlish way. He likes looking at jewelry and has very nice and expensive taste I might add. He takes an interest in Athena that the other boys don't seem to, constantly wanting to hold or feed her. He is otherwise very active and hyper like most 7 year old boys. He's an adorable, warm and loving little boy. I know his parents are somewhat disturbed by this though.

[jules17]

Originally Posted by oceanica

I was reading that other thread and didn't want to hijack it, so I started another one.
My nephew, bio child of my brother and his wife, is 7.
He has always been extremely interested in sparkly things and the color pink. Loves Swarovski stuff. He just got into his brother's old bedroom and he wants to redo it in pink. He doesn't like the dinosuar theme that's in there now one bit. When he was 3 years old he grabbed my wedding/engagement ring at the prongs and said "nice diamond." He dances in a sort of girlish way. He likes looking at jewelry and has very nice and expensive taste I might add. He takes an interest in Athena that the other boys don't seem to, constantly wanting to hold or feed her. He is otherwise very active and hyper like most 7 year old boys. He's an adorable, warm and loving little boy. I know his parents are somewhat disturbed by this though.

I have no idea about his orientation, but he sounds so adorable!!

[rd200]

i would say that he is just more feminine than other boys! i dont think that you can determine at such a young age if a child is actually GAY or not. i mean there is such a wide debate on if being gay is a choice or if you were just born that way. either way, i dont think that anyone should say anything to him or ask him cuz he has no idea what being GAY actually is. and children can be so self concence that if people make fun of him because he likes pink, he will probably feel terrible and different from everyone else. if he likes more girly stuff, then he just has differnt interests. i was a tomboy and i'm not gay. That is just my opinion Rach

[binkybear]

Maybe he's a pirate...sparkly treasures, bold colors, dancing. Sorry, don't mean to minimalize any "concern" but I think we see too much in pure innocence of being a kid.

I climbed trees, rolled around in mud, raised tadpoles, hated HATED dresses and girly gear (still do), could have cared less about boys outside of how to join/whoop them in their games and "fun", wanted a dirtbike, skateboard, and anything else the boys had, prefered tools to dolls and noone that I know of ever looked at me like I was odd...ok well that one mom did when I started attending cub scout meetings with my best friend, but that was her hangup. So, here I am married, adopting a child and not gay. (not that there'd be anything wrong with a kid being like me and in fact being gay! I just wanted to put out there that trying to read into little kids behaviours like this is just odd to me. Until your happy healthy child you adore comes to you and says "mom dad I'm gay or different" or however they phrase it, just let them be your child. I'd hope even after they said the above they'd still be your happy healthy child you adore.)

[RavenSong]

Knowing if a child is gay is more of a mattter of hindsight, IMHO. It's so difficult to tell at age 7...

My son is gay, but he was never effeminate as a child. It took his parents by surprise, I think. DS was creative and not very good at athletics, but hey, so are a lot of kids. He does say, however, that he felt different as far back as he can remember. And he knew by the time puberty hit that he was attracted to boys, not girls.

My 19-year-old nephew, on the other hand, is as straight as they come. And my brother was absolutely convinced that my nephew was going to grow up to be gay, back as early as the age of three. My nephew was extremely creative, artistic, and didn't like rough sports. He wanted to play soccer, but my brother thought that was a "girlie" sport. (Sheesh, I wonder if he's ever watched a soccer game...they're anything but feminine.) Anyway, my brother's prediction didn't come true.

It's really hard to say. I mean between the polar ends of the spectrum of gay and straight, we have bisexual preference. Who knows about these things? I say love and honor all our kids, regardless of sexual orientation. They're all children of God, Goddess, Universe, whatever Powers may be.

[JGarrick]

Originally Posted by oceanica

I know his parents are somewhat disturbed by this though.

I haven't a clue whether or not he'll be gay, and frankly rather doubt anyone else does either, but I think it's just really sad that they're "disturbed" by the notion.

[lovemy2boys]

Then they would have FREAKED OUT if they would have seen my youngest yesterday!

He had his bday party at school yesterday...And there is a treasure bin for bdays, and the kids get to pick out a prize for each year they are - so since he turns 5, he got 5 prizes...

My DH brought him home from school, and here comes JD with a lizard, a disney's sleeping beauty ring, a pink shimmery necklace and a mini roll of tape (no clue on that one).

I said "Nice prizes, J! What did you pick for a 5th gift?" And as my DH takes off his coat, I notice a matching pink shimmer necklace around HIS neck...

Had to share with his dad!!

[Sohmakun]

You will never know if he's gay Athena until he tells you. In the meantime you can tell him that you support his decision to do the right thing.

[JGarrick]

Originally Posted by lovemy2boys

Had to share with his dad!!

Kudos to dad for wearing it. I lot of guys I know would have balked at putting on anything pink, much less a necklace.

[Cjmeck]

He sounds absolutely adorable! And some boys are just more sensitive than others; thank God for that... You know, if he is gay; at least he won't get someone pregnant in highschool. I have no idea what the signs, ect. are, if there are even any. I would hope that his parents would be curious about it, if for no other reason than to be supportive of their son--but sadly, I'm not sure that's the case...

[Stormster]

We went to a playdate on Sunday with two older toddlers, one a very placid girl and one more like E in about 10 ten months (or how I imagine him) very boyish, very physical but not a bruiser....still not at all like the little girl. Anyway, when girltoddler's mom took out the pink plastic teaset I figured the boys would keep doing what they were doing, basically bouncing off the walls....What happened? THE BOYS SAT DOWN AND HAD A TEA PARTY while the girl did something else! I can't tell you what a thrill it was!

I feel sooooooo strongly that we need to let our children be WHOMEVER they are. They are little versions of exactly how they will be and to tell them there is something wrong with that can do terrible damage to their self esteem. I'm sorry to be on a soap box bt this just makes me crazy.

[Wisdom]

Originally Posted by Cjmeck

You know, if he is gay; at least he won't get someone pregnant in highschool.

Not necessarily true.

[OakShannon]

Originally Posted by oceanica

I was reading that other thread and didn't want to hijack it, so I started another one.
My nephew, bio child of my brother and his wife, is 7.
He has always been extremely interested in sparkly things and the color pink. Loves Swarovski stuff. He just got into his brother's old bedroom and he wants to redo it in pink. He doesn't like the dinosuar theme that's in there now one bit. When he was 3 years old he grabbed my wedding/engagement ring at the prongs and said "nice diamond." He dances in a sort of girlish way. He likes looking at jewelry and has very nice and expensive taste I might add. He takes an interest in Athena that the other boys don't seem to, constantly wanting to hold or feed her. He is otherwise very active and hyper like most 7 year old boys. He's an adorable, warm and loving little boy. I know his parents are somewhat disturbed by this though.

I agree with Somakun - you won't know until he tells you. And 7 years old is much to early to tell or to attach a lot of significance to the kinds of behavior your nephew is displaying. It's interesting to me that when girls are "tomboyish" that is pretty accepted and people are not so quick to worry. But if a boy likes to do things we consider "girly" then people often jump to the idea that he might be gay and many parents find it upsetting. In my opinion, that says more about our values regarding gender and gendered behavior than it does about a young child's future sexual orientation. (I'm not directing this at you, Oceanica. It's something I've observed for a long time as a teacher of young children.) Most boys like your nephew - and most girls like Binky - do not grow up to be gay. But some of us do.

rd - there is actually no debate at all among mainstream scientists and psychologists about whether sexual orientation is a choice. The only time you hear that being gay is a choice is when there is a political/religious agenda at play. I've never met a gay person who felt it was a choice. Most of us were like Raven's son - we felt different years before we were even able to name or define what that difference was.

[KarynB]

Sounds to me like he is just not conforming to the rigid gender stereotypes our society has prescripted for him, which has little to do with his sexuality and everything to do with what our culture says is masculine or feminine, which is completely arbitrary and designed to keep women passive, weak, and generally under control.

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by Cjmeck

You know, if he is gay; at least he won't get someone pregnant in highschool.

Unfortunately this is often not the case. Because many gay adolescents feel self-loathing because they do not feel they would be accepted or because they have been taught that being gay is a sin, etc. etc., many try to "prove" they can be straight with the opposite sex. It happens way more than you think.

My husband is a "sensitive new-age guy" with no vanity and has effeminate mannerisms, but he's as straight as they come. I really do not think you can tell everyone's sexual orientation by what they look like or what they are interested in. While sometimes the stereotypes apply, often they do not.