[Amaurosis]

Our beautiful son was born five weeks ago. Prior to that, we had the chance to spend a lot of time with his birthmom, which we loved. She initially felt that she wanted virtually no contact after the baby was born, but after discussing it further, she embraced the idea of a more open relationship. Since the baby left the hospital, we haven't heard much from his bmom -- just a phone call or two. I email and call, but don't hear back.

So my question is, how should I handle this? I completely understand that it has been a VERY short time since the baby was born, and that she is likely going through really a lot. I don't want to put any demands on her, but at the same time, I want her to know that we care about her and that we want her to be part of her son's life. So should I continue to send regular emails? What about pictures? I don't want to make this harder for her or make her feel like she is obligated to chat with us, but I don't want her to feel abandoned, either. Plus, we miss her.

[lovemy2boys]

I actually think a phone call or two within a 5 week period is really good...I'm sure she is going through alot of emotions, and it may be too hard for her to call right now...

With our 2nd son's firstmom, we literally didn't talk on the phone until this year, and my son is turning 5! All contact was through her mom, because it was just too hard for her...but she looked forward to each and every letter and picture that we sent her. Even when we'd get together, it would only be for 1/2 hour, because that's all she was up for...Now, we spend hours together...

I would send emails with pictures as often as you can/choose, and at the close of your letters/emails write something along the lines of "Call or email any time" or "Hope to hear from you soon".

She'll call when she's ready, especially if you're receptive to her contact.

Congratulations, by the way!

[startedover]

We had our first conversation with our dd bmom 5 days before she was born. A phone call 2 days before and then talked the day she gave birth. I missed her almost from the moment she left the hospital. I waited 3 weeks and luckily a medical question came up and I had an excuse to call. She was delighted. I think a call or email would be great and if she doesn't respond, then wait awhile before the next contact.

[ourdreamcametru]

Your situation sounds much like ours with Castle's birthmom. I would send a card and maybe a small "thinking of you" token. Nothing big maybe a few pictures from home or some flowers. This is a very hard time for her and she will need her space to recover from all that has happened, birth, adoption etc. I am sure she will come around and your relationship will be wonderful. Castle is 4.5 and we have an excellent relationship with her birthmother and family, we go shopping together, out to eat, celebrate birthday and Christmas together. As a matter of fact, Castle is in the Christmas Pageant at church tonight and her birthfamily is coming to see her and then we will go out to eat and open Christmas gifts!!! Just give it time.

ETA: it took us until Castle's first birthday for everyone, us included to feel comfortable with a visit and then the relationship just took off. We knew birthmom for 4 months before Castle was born and formed a very close relationship. When Castle was born I had a very hard time because I felt like I was giving up bmom for the baby.