[Suziebearhugs]

How would it jeapordize her/his relationship with his firstmom?

His firstmom has already talked about writing him to let him know about Joshie. So it doesn't sound like it's something that will destroy her life or their relationship.

My concern would be that Joshie's only connection to his birthfather and birthsiblings shouldn't be dictated or directed by his birthmom.

Once that door is opened there should be direct contact between his adoptive mom and the birthfather. So that she as his mother can decide what contact is right for him and keep it active through out the years.

Who knows wether his birthmom and birthdad will remain in contact or get along? Why couldn't he have the chance at his own relationship with his birthson and between the birth siblings without the birthmother being involved in it?

IMO it's not about his birthmoms needs/wants. It would be about her sons. Why should he be denied that possibility of building those relationships? Why should she be the only one allowed to have a relationship with him? I don't understand?

[finallyamom0310]

We are in a situation where bdad is unknown and that worries me. Neither BMom or I will be able to answer DD's questions as she has them. I think about this a lot. IMHO, be thankful you have at least a name.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by mondk

Does anyone here whose birthdad isn't in the picture ever wonder about him? M.C. has provided us with some info about him, but not enough for me. I would like to just see his picture and I know Joshie has 3 half siblings that would be interesting to see their pictures too. M.C. and him are estranged from each other, although she said she was thinking about sending him a letter just to let him know that Joshie was "out there" in case Joshie ever wanted to try and find him later. He was aware of her pregnancy but told our adoption atty that he didn't think the baby was his. He was in jail when that conversation took place and didn't contest the adoption. I see a lot of M.C. in Joshie, but am just curious to see what his bdad and siblings look like. Joshie is just SOOO cute.

Anyone here in my shoes with this topic?

Blessings, Michelle

This is the situation for both our kids. We have no information for DD and we know where DS's birth dad is, but have no info on how he is doing. He doesn't want contact. We're definitely curious but there's nothing we can or will do.

[slugbug0930]

I don't know that DD's bmom really knows for sure who her bdad is. She said on all of her paperwork that it could have been one of two guys. That would totally narrow it down to one as one guy was Hispanic and DD is definetly not Hispanic.

But she told her family & our mutual friend that it could have been one of four guys. So who knows. I am not sure DD's bmom is positive herself. I know she was using when she got pregnant so perhaps that makes her memory a little sketchy. Our mutual friend also said that DD's bmom sometimes has a problem telling the truth.

We may never know for sure. Though now since our visit with her she says she knows who DD's bdad is. It would be nice to know....for medical history and ect though.

[loveajax]

Just FYI...my hubby recently had contact (by email) with his birth mom for the first time (YEAH!). I thought he would be interested in asking about his birth father...he said he has no interest at all (at least at this point). I was sort of surprised but I don't think the "relationship" between a birth dad and a kid is the same as the one between a birth mom and a kid (women do all the work, right??!). So I wouldn't worry too, too much about it. Though, M, I would say that you shouldn't let MC "dictate" any potential relationship there.

We have an OA and I really love DD's birth dad, but usually just DD's birth mom and I chat or email. I called the other day and he answered, and I got nervous!!! But we had a nice chat. Anyway, he's a really good guy and I am glad for DD's sake that we know him.

[mondk]

Thanks for all the suggestions...if we did/do ever find Joshie's bdad, I didn't plan to include M.C. unless she wants to be included. She said that she and bdad were friends for years...she was awful angry at him during the conception of Joshie (I'm not going to go into it but those who know me, know what all happened) but now she is very laid back about it all.

Also, what is "facebook" and "my space" I have never been to a site entitled that. Does it cost anything? Could I search either site for his name or do I have to belong to the site to do that?

Blessings, Michelle

[lovemy2boys]

you can go to facebook and myspace (they are both .com - not sure if we are allowed to post that on here though...)

But anyway, there is a search box...You can type the person's name in the box, and everyone with that name will pop up...If their profile isn't protected, then you can see it...If it's set to private, then you have to become a member and ask to be their friend...

That's how I found M. I knew what city he was in, and his first and last name...There he was...

I didn't ask him to be "friends" until a few months ago (right before we met in person...)

[devildogwife]

Originally Posted by finallyamom0310

We are in a situation where bdad is unknown and that worries me. Neither BMom or I will be able to answer DD's questions as she has them. I think about this a lot. IMHO, be thankful you have at least a name.

I totally agree. I wish I could say to Cameron, this is your birth fathers name. But I can't. That's such a big piece of him that we're missing and it makes me sad. I hope one day we could know.