[feelingreyt]

I didn't want to highjack the thread that prompted be to post this, so I started my own. Anyway, here is my "thing"....
We have 3 children, our youngest is the only one adopted. He is, of course, every bit my child just like my bios are. It's only natural he is to be included in our will. I would not have it any other way.
That being said....
I worry about his biofamily coming in and guilting him into giving them part of his inheritance. I have VERY good reasons to worry about this.
My dh is related to ason's biofamily. They know that my inlaws are very comfortable and my children, being their only granchildren, will stand to inherit not only from us, but from my inlaws as well as my BIL.
These are people that will suck you dry. I don't say that because they are ds's biofamily. I say that because they are extended family and it's a KNOWN FACT.
My question is....Is there any way to ensure that they can NOT take advantage of my son?
Please don't think I'm being petty. I'm not. And I'm not the only one worried about this. I have talked about this with my inlaws and they feel the exact same way. DS is their grandson, their baby, they want him to have all the advantages my other 2 children will have. BUT they do not want the bfamily to be able to guilt ds into giving them his share.
Does any of this even make sense? It would be different if I didn't know these people. But we are talking about people that will not work, who sell their food stamps for drugs and beer. They lie, cheat and steal to get what they want. I feel bad putting it out there like that, but it's the truth.
So am I crazy for worrying about this? Is there a way to protect my children and our hard earned assets?

[lovemy2boys]

I would have the money put in a trust and have an executor/trustee be in charge of the money until your DS is a certain age...

You can name someone you trust, like maybe one of YOUR relatives, so that way it's an impartial party...

[belleinblue1978]

You need to set up a living trust. That is what my parents have done. If you want more information PM me.

[sambob]

You can set it up so there is a trustee to oversee when he gets the money. You can put conditions on it - he gets "X" amount when he's 18, 21, 25, 30, etc. However, when he does get the money, there's no telling how generous or gullible he'll be. I don't think you can put stipulations on that.

[feelingreyt]

Thank you so much for the advice. And thanks for not flaming me. I was honestly scared of the reactions I'd get by posting this, however, I posted anyway because I needed the ADVICE!

I really like your idea, Love. I will have to think about which family member on MY side that I will ask to take on the role of Trustee.

Belle, I pm'd you...

[jp4ga]

Thanks for posting this. I was wondering the same things. We have redone our will but have post dated it to take effect after the finalization. My husbands grandmother has redone her will too, but our daughters name is not yet legally changed to have our last name, so that concerns me a little bit.

I think all you can do is raise your child as a loving kind person, that can spot when others are trying to take advantage of them. But when all is said and done, once the inhertance is given it is up to the person who received the money to decide what to do with the money.

[kretzklan]

Most wills should be worded that the trust is set up for any and all children of XXX and XXX whether biological or legally adopted at this time or any time in the future. That should cover it. We actually have chosen to have a non-relative be the trustee for our kiddos...that way there is no "bias" at all. We set up very specific rules about when and what the money can be for!

[feelingreyt]

Originally Posted by kretzklan

Most wills should be worded that the trust is set up for any and all children of XXX and XXX whether biological or legally adopted at this time or any time in the future. That should cover it. We actually have chosen to have a non-relative be the trustee for our kiddos...that way there is no "bias" at all. We set up very specific rules about when and what the money can be for!

So you even have rules as to what the money can be used for? I didn't know that was possible! Thanks

[feelingreyt]

Originally Posted by jp4ga

Thanks for posting this. I was wondering the same things. We have redone our will but have post dated it to take effect after the finalization. My husbands grandmother has redone her will too, but our daughters name is not yet legally changed to have our last name, so that concerns me a little bit.

I think all you can do is raise your child as a loving kind person, that can spot when others are trying to take advantage of them. But when all is said and done, once the inhertance is given it is up to the person who received the money to decide what to do with the money.

You are very welcome!
And you're right, all we can do is raise our children the best we can and pray that everything works out in the best possible way for them.

[finallyamom0310]

Feeling, I have not read the other posts here but wanted to answer you. I have a similar situation with my SS. His mother would squander the money from him and not think twice. The nice part is that he now has to share everything with a sibling so she will be safe.

Anyway, maybe you could set something up like my grandmother has done for us. She has her will set that none of the grandkids can get their inheritance till we turn 40. She origianlly set it this was as I was the one grandchild that got divorced at a young age. She felt at 40 we would all be mature enough to know how to spend wisely. My SIL on my DH's side, her grandmother put everything in a trust till they were 25. Maybe even put an executor on there that has to approve expenses till a certain age and you can tell the executor what is allowed. Just make sure it is applied to all your kids so your son doesn't feel singled out.