[jb41503]

Originally Posted by lovemy2boys

For me, it's not the milk, it's the dispenser...

And I know that it's an irrational, incomprehensible way to feel. I WISH I felt differently...such is life, I guess.

And like I've said before, it's my own personal hangup - it's not how I necessarily feel about others breastfeeding, but how I'd feel about myself breastfeeding...

Weird, I know...

Cows milk comes from udders...

[KarenInCa]

For me, it would depend on the age of the baby if I felt ok about breast feeding my adopted child or not. Our daughter was 16 months old when we adopted her. We had her on a bottle till she was 22 months old, for both bonding and nutrition purposes. These are the same reasons a mother would breast feed. However, it would have felt odd to start her on breast feeding at that age, even though the value for bonding and nutrition would have been great. We took a bath together (when she was 17 months old) and even at that age, without ever seeing a naked woman before, she noticed many differences between our bodies, so she already had a sense of body and self that would have not be present as an infant.
I completely understand why adoptive mothers would want to try breast feeding. I breast fed my bio son for over a year, and there was something very "motherly" about it. Regardless of anything else, I think it's a benefit to the baby if they can get that kind of "mothering", and it's a great way to bond. Not saying there are not other ways to bond, but if successful, BF is a great tool for bonding.
I did a lot of things that emulated breast feeding with my adopted daughter, such as holding her very close to me at the same angle, and holding the bottle in a position as if it seemed to come directly from my breast, so that she would get my "smell" when she drank from the bottle, as I think that's a big part of bonding.
I babysat my nephew (a breast feeder) when he was 7 months old, and he would not stop crying for his mother. He refused a bottle, so, out came my breast, and he fell asleep nursing on my dry breast. My son (8 years old at the time) thought that was crazy to even consider it when I had no milk. I told my SIL and she seemed a bit "icked" by the concept too.
I think a lot of people would have the same reaction of my son, but to me, it was one more object I had to use to soothe my nephew at the time. And it worked!
If I adopt a child at under 3-4 months old, because they do not yet know the differences, I would probably try to start ABF. But, if the baby were 6 months old or older at time of adoption I, personally, would not start ABF. At that point, the child starts knowing the differences in where the food comes from, and for me, it would feel unnatural to start.

[Whirled_Peas]

I see this thread has had some new life blown into it after a very long time. I read about half the responses

I will answer the OP's original question with my experience in case it is helpful to anyone.

I was also advised to not share my plan to adoptive nurse in our profile. Which is exactly why I did share it. I figured if it could be that upsetting to someone, and we wanted an open adoption, what would happen if they ever saw me nurse after we had the baby? Also, I believed there were emoms out there that would want that for their baby. I wanted to be the answer to someone's prayers.

We were also upfront about co-sleeping, not circumcising, vegetarianism, etc. We did decide against mentioning homeschooling in our profile and planned to bring it up in person. Although we would be honest about it, we thought it might be too much for some people until they got to know us (and possibly even then.)

When we sent one page letters to obstetricians attachment parenting, breastfeeding, and not circumcising were the topics we felt would be most important for someone to know if they were helping facilitate a match.

Our baby's birthmom knew from the start I was nursing the baby. She'd originally planned on a closed adoption, then decided to meet us on day three on her way to sign TPR. I was so nervous the baby would need to nurse then. Although she knew that's what I was doing, I wondered if it would be painful for her to watch. If the need arose, I planned to say, "The baby needs to nurse. Would you rather I step into the other room?"

Around 6 months she asked if she could bring her other kids by to meet the baby. I emailed back and asked if she'd prefer I nurse the baby in another room. She said it wasn't necessary.

The visit was long enough that I did need to nurse. I'm pretty sure it was really hard for her to watch. She didn't say anything, she just had a look. I won't do it again. There's no need to put her through that. Some birthmoms would do fine watching it. I'm not sure how many, though. Even if they're as pro-breastfeeding as I am.

[hope872007]

I did ask my baby's birth mom if it was okay that i breastfed Hunter she told me it was my baby i can do what i want she did not care if i breastfed in the hospital so i plan to breastfeed him as soon as he is born

[goodiesformom]

Wow, it never occured to me this would be such a hot topic. I breastfed my 2 sons and have thought about trying to breastfed an adopted child but never really thought the emom would care. I guess I am really open one way or another if the emom was opposed. I'd rather do it but I wouldn't want to to be the deal breaker to someone.

What about pumping and feeding the baby? Does that have the same emotions attached as actually breastfeeding? I actually had to do that with my first because he was in the NICU.

[sugarmuffin]

It didn't work for me.....