[Leigh131313]

Linny - I agree!! Being able to adopt does not make you a quality person. However, stating comments like the ones that have been mentioned shows your lack of quality.


that's what i meant

[RavenSong]

Originally Posted by Stormster

When i get those comments, just at thanksgiving someone asked me if E's "father" is left handed. I said no (DH) is a righty.

Storm, I'm so proud of you--go, girl, go!!!

Originally Posted by Stormster

But I come off so snarky. I hate being snarky! Then I feel like i have to apologize for being snarky. I don't like to make someone feel ashamed for an innocent comment but I let it lie. The snark, the shame....just hanging there in the air

Awwww, Storm, I love your snarkiness. I adore it in fact... Being snarky in a respectful way is so cool, IMO!!

[Yash]

[QUOTE "We don't know if we could LOVE a child that's not biologically ours"...and I say, "Well, you love eachother and aren't related....are you? "

I love this comeback. I use it myself. I also like the response "Well everyone should be aware of the things they are incapable of doing."

[Stormster]

Originally Posted by Yash

[QUOTE I also like the response "Well everyone should be aware of the things they are incapable of doing."

Oh that is a sassy one! I love it!

[melissa_bear003]

sorry to bring up another homeschooling thing, but its really the only frame of reference I've got (for now) when it comes to idiotic comments. One of my faves is the old, "I couldn't do that..." and my new reply is, "Yeah, you're right. You obviously couldn't" and walk away.

Basic undertone being, you're a tool, and obviously incapable. I think its applicable with some folks that make comments about not being able to love a child they didn't birth.

Oh! Another good one, to be used with guys..."And you're sure their all yours, huh?" with a look of confusion.

Sorry. Evil, twisted moment there.

[vegaschristina]

Originally Posted by melissa_bear003

sorry to bring up another homeschooling thing, but its really the only frame of reference I've got (for now) when it comes to idiotic comments. One of my faves is the old, "I couldn't do that..." and my new reply is, "Yeah, you're right. You obviously couldn't" and walk away.

Basic undertone being, you're a tool, and obviously incapable. I think its applicable with some folks that make comments about not being able to love a child they didn't birth.

Oh! Another good one, to be used with guys..."And you're sure their all yours, huh?" with a look of confusion.

Sorry. Evil, twisted moment there.

Here's my thought, and I'm an adoptive mom. I don't understand how a bmom can give up her child. I can't imagine having that much love to be able to make that kind of sacrifice, knowing it will bring a lifetime of pain.

As far as homeschooling, I don't see how you do it. I am SO unorganized, much to my dismay, that I would never be able to homeschool well. I'd love to see how you manage it just so maybe some of your organization could rub off.

[melissa_bear003]

Originally Posted by vegaschristina

As far as homeschooling, I don't see how you do it. I am SO unorganized, much to my dismay, that I would never be able to homeschool well. I'd love to see how you manage it just so maybe some of your organization could rub off.

Ha! Thank heavens organizational skills are NOT one of the things needed. I don't have them All depends on the style of homeschooling you do, really. I'm more of a Natural Learner, in that I allow my children to follow their passions, and they learn from that. The only things that I really have 'workbooks' for are math, and cursive writing. My children are readers, my 10 yo loves to write and journal, so its not something I need to guide her on. My 3.5 yo LOVES to read, and is reading a simple book to his Daddy and I at bedtime. He tries to read other books, but is still more picture guided than word guided, but is recognizing more and more words...and thats honestly just from reading to him, and following his intererst..."What are these?" "Letters, they form words..." and off we go in learning the alphabet.

Basically, my kids are educating themselves to a point. I don't do 'school at home' I homeschool. Its amazing what they do when you allow them to take the lead. Research reports, plays, puppet shows, math, science, history (my dd is into Phantom of the Opera this year, and Greek mythology, plus her Daddy is teaching her about the North West Rebellion, since his heritage is Metis, and she wants to know about it)

Organization...even if I were inclined, would probably make me nuts trying to maintain it, lol!

[Beautyqueen616]

Originally Posted by kittymom

And, like others mentioned, the "how could anyone give up their baby?" comments. I got one of those from my mother-in-law last weekend. I can't remember what I said - I know I tried to defend bmoms in general but I was caught off guard. I need to come up with a good response to that comment, because I have a feeling it's going to come up a lot.

The way I handle it is, she did not give up her child, she gave her a much better life then she knew she could give. I also tell them it's the most selfless act that anyone can do. Also when people ask why her bmom did not love her, I always say she does. If you don't love someone then you don't care what happens to them. She may not want to visit often but she does email to see how she's doing. She cares and loves as much as she can.

In our case she knew had she kept her that K would have had the same life if not worse then she did. She did not want that at all. She has no way of supporting herself much less a baby. She is developmentally delayed (and my child is such a genious! even though mommy can't spell) and does not even have the comprehension or attention span to take care of her. When we go for a visit she is done after about 15 minutes because she simply does not know what to do with her.

[Beautyqueen616]

[quote=vegaschristina]Here's my thought, and I'm an adoptive mom. I don't understand how a bmom can give up her child. I can't imagine having that much love to be able to make that kind of sacrifice, knowing it will bring a lifetime of pain.QUOTE]

Because they may be giving up thier child but they are doing it for a reason and in my belief most of the reasons are they just cannot care for the child for whatever reason. I don't think it's our place to really understand or even know WHY they are doing it. All birthmoms in my opinion need our support, I admire birth moms. Thanks to a girls selfless decission I am a mom, thanks to her knowing what she was not able to do made me a mom.

[karla-k]

My hairdresser has 6 children, five from her first marriage and her youngest little boy came after she had her tubal reversed 6 years ago...keep all this in mind as you read the conversations I have had with her....

I had one friend ask me about our international adoption..."isn't that a lot of trouble to go to for just a baby?".... mind you this is the woman who had a tubal reversal to have a baby with her husband.

The other day she said that when the topic of her tubal reversal came up several years ago, her husband's mother consolingly told him, "Well, there's always adoption." (Like it is way farther down the list in preferable means to be becoming a parent.)

But the guy's response, "I already have 5 kids that aren't mine (his wife's 5 kids from a previous marriage) why would I want another one that isn't mine!?"

I am not sure which of these 3 comments rubbed me wrong the most....I guess I shouldn't be amazed that they all came from the same family.

[lovemy2boys]

Originally Posted by karla-k

But the guy's response, "I already have 5 kids that aren't mine (his wife's 5 kids from a previous marriage) why would I want another one that isn't mine!?"

Back off ladies! He's taken!!! This guy sounds like a keeper!

[nikkianni]

Last night at our family Christmas, my uncle announced that we shouldn't try to adopt again, we'd never get that lucky twice and we need to have "our own" next time.
My reply: DD is my own and I have the birth certificate to prove it.
His reply: Oh you know what I mean. Yes, but she doesn't.
He's one of the only ones in the family that still does that. He just doesn't understand that as DD gets older, saying things like that will hurt her. I've tried to gently make the point but one more time and I'm whacking him over the head with it.
Both of our families never had any connection to adoption until DD so that last 20 months have been a major learning curve for them.
For DH and I, the situation seems to be worse because we could likely conceive if we wanted to. People just CANNOT comprehend why we don't try.....and then feel the need to expound about how wrong our choice is.

[leenie71]

They obviously don't know how STUPID they sound when the words come out of their mouths!! Sorry you had to hear that...some people really don't think. Even if they were thinking it, WHY would they actually say something like that??

[Beautyqueen616]

Nikkianni,

I have made it clear that DHs grandma is NOT to speak of KBs adoption. She thinks that means we are going to keep it secret from her, not at all. I told her flat out that if she could not talk about adoption in a positive light then she does not need to mention it. I also told his other relatives they are not to ask about her biomom because they refer to her as "mom".

I will never forget last Christmas, DHs grandma got down on KBs level and said "one time B (me) could love an adopted child as much as I loved a real one and I do. Just because your adopted and black I still love you"

OMG I almost flipped. For one my child is not black she is mixed race, she is black, indian and white and 100% beautiful. Second my name is not *B* to my DD it is MOMMY, or mimi as she sometimes calls me.

[jjlutefisk]

I would have flipped my lid if any of my relatives had said something like that to dd.

I have to say that sometimes people just don't know adoption lingo when they say things like "real mom" and sometimes they just have verbal diahrrea. The worst one is when I get so mad when people say, in front of my two daughters that they are too cute for someone to have given away. I am just in shock that I don't have a good response.

My goal was to practice all my brilliant responses while my girls were babies but I guess I'm glad to say that the stupid comments just don't come often enough. When they do happen, I just can't believe it.