[kakuehl]

I find this discussion interesting, 36 years ago, I didn't even know I could name my son since I was placing him for adoption until after he was registered as "Baby Boy B____". He was automatically circumcised so his adoptive parents chose his name but had no choice about the circ. Ironically, D & his wife chose not to circumcise their son and have already had to deal with an infection.

[nurse_reedle]

Isaac has had urinary tract infections before...they weren't related to him not being circumcized at all...and rarely are related to that actually. His were easily taken care of without a need for surgery.

[melissa_bear003]

This has been bothering me for some reason, so I just wanted to make a comment...and I'm NOT attacking you at all, but thought I'd offer it for your contemplation.

I've been reading on these boards for a while now. I've heard of emom's changing their minds, emom's not being quite as honest as they could have been, paps considering a child whose been drug exposed, potential Hep C, paps being considered, short listed, then not picked...the list goes on.

Adopting is a roller coaster ride. In the grand scheme of things, circc or no circc isn't the biggest issue, by a long shot. IF you were to be picked, and the baby was circc'd, I'd really hate for you to miss your chance at becoming a parent over that. There are so many other potential issues that it seems that drawing a line in the sand over this one may have you waiting a long time.

Again, I really hope that there's an emom that has your view on things, and you have an easy match, and all goes smoothly...but I guess I'm asking you to really search your heart and see of a bit of skin is that important that you would pass up a chance for another child in your family over.

[NicoleP80]

Our son was born on 10/7 and we were there the whole time. We roomed with our son the whole time and took him home from the hospital before the birthmom/dad were released. TPR happened 10/10. We don't have a birth cetificate, he doesnt yet. He was called BabyBoy "last name of birthmom". So I suppose he doesnt legally have a name and won't until our adoption is final in a couple months.

We took him to his 1st dr appt on 10/10 and we scheduled his circ for 10/13. This wasnt even something the birthmom or birthdad or my husband or I even thought about speaking about. We just assumed once TPR was done and we were granted temp. full custody we'd make all the decisions reguarding our son.

?? I can't imagine circ'ing being something a birthparent really thinks about before placing their child.

[RavenSong]

I relinquished my son 36 years ago, and things have really changed since that time. Most hospitals these days don't automatically circumcise newborns. It's often done after the baby leaves the nursery and goes home.

Back in 1972, circumcision was almost universally performed on male newborns in the United States. But I do remember being asked by the nurse in Labor & Delivery whether I wanted my baby to be circumcised if he turned out to be a boy. (They didn't perform ultrasounds back then, so it was always a surprise whether you had a girl or a boy.)

Although the L&D nurses, as well as my OB/GYN, knew that I was placing my son for adoption, I was still given the right to make that decision about circumcision.

I was also informed that I had the full legal right to name him on his birth certificate. Although I had already named him (I somehow sensed he was a boy in the womb), I didn't put his given first and middle names onto the certificate. So his name went down as Baby Boy MyLastName on the OBC. His adoptive parents named him on the Amended Birth Certificate. And now if you look him up on the California Birth Index, you'll find three entries for him: one listed under my maiden name; one listed under his birthfather's name; and one under his aparents' name.

This was a totally closed adoption, btw. Birthparents never interacted with adoptive parents back in those days, either before or after the birth. Everything was done through the agency, and adoptive parents weren't selected until relinquishment papers were signed. The baby was kept in a temporary foster home between the time of hospital discharge and selection of aparents by the agency. This was usually a period of 3 or 4 weeks.

[nurse_reedle]

Originally Posted by melissa_bear003

Adopting is a roller coaster ride. In the grand scheme of things, circc or no circc isn't the biggest issue, by a long shot. IF you were to be picked, and the baby was circc'd, I'd really hate for you to miss your chance at becoming a parent over that. There are so many other potential issues that it seems that drawing a line in the sand over this one may have you waiting a long time.

Again, I really hope that there's an emom that has your view on things, and you have an easy match, and all goes smoothly...but I guess I'm asking you to really search your heart and see of a bit of skin is that important that you would pass up a chance for another child in your family over.

I am seriously wishing I hadn't even asked. I have REALLy, REALLY strong views on circing. My issue with it in the adoption world has more to do with my relationship with the birth mom than my "ability" to parent a child that is circed. I asked because I *didn't know* how that worked with newborn adoption. Because I have such strong feelings on it, I had to know in advance of the situation occuring so that I could have it resolved inside myself....my own feelings about that being out of my control. This is a MUCH different adoption experience for me, I have questions...and some might be unusual...I can't help that...and there are somethings that are important to some people that seem very inconsequential to others. I am sorry that my question is so disturbing to you. I am not trying to be petty or hurt anyone's feelings.

[NicoleP80]

Most hospitals DO NOT do circ's. They are usually something scheduled at the Peds office these days or done, if at a hospital on an out patient basis and usually done a few days AFTER birth.

So I think you are safe that your son (if a son) will NOT be circ'd once born. UNLESS it is something stated in writing by them birthmom I would not worry about it so much.

[ChromaKelly]

Originally Posted by nurse_reedle

I am seriously wishing I hadn't even asked. I have REALLy, REALLY strong views on circing. My issue with it in the adoption world has more to do with my relationship with the birth mom than my "ability" to parent a child that is circed. I asked because I *didn't know* how that worked with newborn adoption. Because I have such strong feelings on it, I had to know in advance of the situation occuring so that I could have it resolved inside myself....my own feelings about that being out of my control. This is a MUCH different adoption experience for me, I have questions...and some might be unusual...I can't help that...and there are somethings that are important to some people that seem very inconsequential to others. I am sorry that my question is so disturbing to you. I am not trying to be petty or hurt anyone's feelings.

Please, don't feel bad about asking! Now you know that this is something that could be out of your control. Or, you are going to need to match with an expectant mom that you are comfortable enough talking with who is on the same page as you about circ, or at least willing to not have him circ'ed to respect your wishes.

There is so much though that the expectant mom might do that is not something we would do during pregnancy, or even during L&D (I have some friends that are very anti-epidural, you can't really tell an emom not to have one) we really do have to give up a lot of control.

Most hospitals DO NOT do circ's. They are usually something scheduled at the Peds office these days or done, if at a hospital on an out patient basis and usually done a few days AFTER birth.

So I think you are safe that your son (if a son) will NOT be circ'd once born. UNLESS it is something stated in writing by them birthmom I would not worry about it so much.

I think this might depend on where you are. Caleb was in kind of a rinky-dink old-school hospital, and it was done almost exactly 24 hrs after his birth, in the hospital. It seemed very routine, like they always circ the babies, at least that was the vibe I got.

[belleinblue1978]

Originally Posted by NicoleP80

son.

?? I can't imagine circ'ing being something a birthparent really thinks about before placing their child.

Why wouldn't a expectant parent consider that? Do you think that people that place their chlidren don't have wants and desires for them?

I was insistant that my son not be circ'd. His adoptive dad agreed with me, so he isn't.

[aclee]

Originally Posted by NicoleP80

Most hospitals DO NOT do circ's. They are usually something scheduled at the Peds office these days or done, if at a hospital on an out patient basis and usually done a few days AFTER birth.

So I think you are safe that your son (if a son) will NOT be circ'd once born. UNLESS it is something stated in writing by them birthmom I would not worry about it so much.

This has not been my experience at all. Ty was circ'd at about 30 hours old (the agency called us in a panic and said the bmom had signed the papers, and they didn't think to tell her that "we" should make that choice. We were on the fence, and were ok with the choice being "taken" from us)...all my nephews were pretty routinely circ'd too. My sister had two girls, but had to sign a circ waiver in advance for her file if she didn't want it done So that's hospitals in NH, MO, VA, and DC. None of them were small hospitals on even in small towns actually. Two of them were leading hospitals in 100 radius I would guess...I wouldn't rely on "it likely won't happen" if it's something that's important to you.

If having a son that is not circ'd is important that is totally your right. I wouldn't discuss it early in the match as others have suggested...I would discuss it PRIOR to matching. I would discuss it face to face with bmom (or on the phone) rather than rely on an agency or 3rd party to as well. We've all heard the stories on how information doesn't get relayed correctly before.

If bmom and you agree before hand, it shouldn't be a problem when the baby is born because you won't be dictating what the bmom does...it will be what she wants too.


Best of Luck!

[jules17]

I just want to thank Nurse Reedle for asking questions that are important to her...and as another mom who has adopted twice internationally, domestic adoption is an entirely different .

We happen to know a lot about international adoption and unless you've been there or just happened to have done a lot of research on it, chances are that you don't.

I have often been hesitant to post my questions, for fear of saying the wrong thing or hurting/upsetting someone too.

[nurse_reedle]

Yes...I plan on bringing it up in our first conversation. It is important to me and my husband. It is also something that will be noticable every single time we change his diapers, so if our feelings are that big, then that is something to consider also. I do understand that for some people it seems inconsequential and a stupid thing to worry about. I really do. To us...it is very important. I can't see someone that *wanted* their son circed for religious reasons and worried that a emom would expect them to keep the child uncirced would be told that it wasn't ok for them to want their son circed. We can't undo that if it is done.

[gigigeorge]

Both our sons birthmothers deferred to us on the circumsion issue. We chose not to have our boys cut unecessarily and like Nurse_Reedle we have very strong feelings on it !

Both our boys were kinda instant situations where we didnt have a chance to get to know the emoms before birth (or in our oldests case only a few hours before birth) but when the hospital came in with the paperwork the birthmoms both asked us what we wanted and were fine with it. On a side note, our oldest sons birthmom had also placed a 2nd baby with us, but after a week decided to parent. We also had not had him circ'd... Since we are still in pretty constant contact I asked her if she ever had it done since we kinda made the choice and she said No, that while she hadnt really researched it she knew that we had and trusted the choice we made.

gina.

[kakuehl]

Originally Posted by nurse_reedle

Isaac has had urinary tract infections before...they weren't related to him not being circumcised at all...and rarely are related to that actually. His were easily taken care of without a need for surgery.

From what they said, Z's was not a urinary tract infection and was directly connected to the care of the foreskin. Please understand that I am not saying either circ or non circ is bad. (My father, the doctor, has very strong feelings in favor of circ, BTW.) I just thought it was ironic, that's all.

BTW, some of you seem to be close to forgetting that the emom is the mom until she relinquishes. Most of us do not consider ourselves surrogates and anguish over the decisions we make for our children so of course the prospective (a) parents don't have as much say as you/they would like. I recognize that is difficult for the prospective parents, for a number of reasons, but it is the reality.

[nurse_reedle]

Originally Posted by kakuehl

BTW, some of you seem to be close to forgetting that the emom is the mom until she relinquishes. Most of us do not consider ourselves surrogates and anguish over the decisions we make for our children so of course the prospective (a) parents don't have as much say as you/they would like. I recognize that is difficult for the prospective parents, for a number of reasons, but it is the reality.

I *absolutely* do not ever forget that. I am getting a sense that we as prospective adoptive parents shouldn't think about these things or should just be so grateful for a chance to parent that we should just over look the things that are important to us. I already care *so much* about any future children we have, that I can't back burner important issues to me. I am certain there will be an expectant mother that appreciates the fact that our decisions, and in turn her decisions, are very, very important to us. Important enough to not shy away from talking about.