[nurse_reedle]

Originally Posted by humanpitchpipe

I do not want to start a circumcision discussion, but since I adopted DS internationally he was not circumcised when he came home. It was something that we had done after he had been home for almost a year. And the surgery went fine. He was running around that afternoon.

Ok...I don't want circumcision done though....so I don't get this? Sorry. And my view isn't open for debate...it was reached with over a year of study on the matter.

[nurse_reedle]

This thread is very helpful. I was led to believe that we shouldn't discuss all kinds of things with the expectant mother (I am sorry I was using birth mother...I do know she is the mother until she relinquishes her rights). I have been so nervous about talking to an e-mom because I was so afraid I would say the wrong thing!

[lovemy2boys]

Originally Posted by nurse_reedle

This thread is very helpful. I was led to believe that we shouldn't discuss all kinds of things with the expectant mother (I am sorry I was using birth mother...I do know she is the mother until she relinquishes her rights). I have been so nervous about talking to an e-mom because I was so afraid I would say the wrong thing!

Actually, discussing something like this in advance is a GOOD thing! If this is a make or break issue for you, you could simply ask the expectant mom what her views are on it...If she has opposing views, and she is determined to circumcise, then you know it's probably not the right match for you.

And you're right - it IS nervewracking!! But you'll be great!

Good luck to you!

[nurse_reedle]

Originally Posted by lovemy2boys

Actually, discussing something like this in advance is a GOOD thing! If this is a make or break issue for you, you could simply ask the expectant mom what her views are on it...If she has opposing views, and she is determined to circumcise, then you know it's probably not the right match for you.

And you're right - it IS nervewracking!! But you'll be great!

Good luck to you!

Thanks! And...I think it is. I feel bad about that...but I seriously think it would bother me to be in the position of explaining about adoption and then to also expain why she did somehting we so intensely disagree with and did not have done to his brother. Maybe it is the wrong view...but I feel pretty strongly about...actually feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of one of our sons being circed for a reason that was not imperatively medically necessary.

[lovemy2boys]

Originally Posted by nurse_reedle

Thanks! And...I think it is. I feel bad about that...but I seriously think it would bother me to be in the position of explaining about adoption and then to also expain why she did somehting we so intensely disagree with and did not have done to his brother. Maybe it is the wrong view...but I feel pretty strongly about...actually feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of one of our sons being circed for a reason that was not imperatively medically necessary.

It's not really right or wrong...it is YOUR view. And if you feel strongly one way or the other, you are most certainly entitled to that.

I actually think it's great to process all of this in advance...better to discuss it in the beginning as opposed to "in the moment".

[melissa_bear003]

I hope you find an emom that agrees with you

[mommamarci]

Both my kids were already born before we ever met them. Both were circ'ed before we entered the picture. I would have never thought to ask if they had been. So, keep in mind if you get a baby born call and it means that much, ask if it has already been done.

[SupaModel]

We got the call after DS was born so she already gave him a name and (thankfully) he was already circumcised. When we met I told her i was changing his first name but I will use it as his middle name because I liked it and it was from her.

[belleinblue1978]

Originally Posted by nurse_reedle

Thanks! And...I think it is. I feel bad about that...but I seriously think it would bother me to be in the position of explaining about adoption and then to also expain why she did somehting we so intensely disagree with and did not have done to his brother. Maybe it is the wrong view...but I feel pretty strongly about...actually feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of one of our sons being circed for a reason that was not imperatively medically necessary.

There are first moms that don't want that either, I didn't.

BUT, if it is a baby born situation and he is already circ'd, seriously, if you really want to parent, you just explain that his firstmom and possibly dad, had that done because it was something THEY felt strongly about. It's ok that kid's firstparents have strong feelings too.

It isn't the end of the world to be different when you are brothers. My brothers are different, they've both grown into men who I'm pretty sure don't care that much that one is and one isn't. Trust me, now that we are adults, our differing political views and things like that are WAY more important.

A baby shouldn't be less loveable because of a piece of a skin. As an adopted person, I get a sick feeling in MY stomach when conversations seem to turn to I couldn't parent a circ'd baby because I disagree so much.

[melissa_bear003]

Originally Posted by belleinblue1978

A baby shouldn't be less loveable because of a piece of a skin. As adopted person, I get a sick feeling in MY stomach when conversations seem to turn to I couldn't parent a circ'd baby because I disagree so much.

I totally agree with that.

[ChromaKelly]

We would have chosen not to circ, but we really didn't feel that strongly about it, and there never was a good moment to bring it up in our brief two-week match period. We didn't know the gender of the baby either. We got to the hospital the day after he was born, and was already circ'ed. It was her decision, she makes all decisions about the baby until TPR. I suggest if you feel that strongly about not circ, then this is something you should discuss with an e-mom. But do keep in mind that you might get a baby born situation, and the baby may already be circ'ed.

As for names, yes, she can name the baby and that's what gets put on the birth certificate. Some people do collaborate on the name with the birth mother. We sort-of did, we ended up keeping the first name she picked out but changing the spelling.

[humanpitchpipe]

Sorry, I guess I didn't get from your post that this was something that you were already decided on. My post was just to let you know that it is not something that has to be done at birth, and that it can be done later without being traumatic (as in my son's case).

[nurse_reedle]

Originally Posted by humanpitchpipe

Sorry, I guess I didn't get from your post that this was something that you were already decided on. My post was just to let you know that it is not something that has to be done at birth, and that it can be done later without being traumatic (as in my son's case).

((((hugs)))) that is ok!! I just didn't want it to turn into a circ/non-circ debate. :-)

[nurse_reedle]

Originally Posted by belleinblue1978

A baby shouldn't be less loveable because of a piece of a skin. As an adopted person, I get a sick feeling in MY stomach when conversations seem to turn to I couldn't parent a circ'd baby because I disagree so much.

NEVER would a baby be less lovable because of that!!!! I have such strong feelings about circing, that I wouldn't want that to bleed out into my relationship with my son over him being circed by his birth mom, nor would I want to have any negative feelings towards her for it. NOTHING to do with the lovability of the baby!!! I am sorry it sounded that way! It is something I need to think about and process before we get there. And definitely something to discuss with any expectant mother that we talk with. Maybe we will just get a little girl and won't even have to deal with it! Get Ikey a little sister.

On the naming thing...I think I would like to have our son/daughter have at least part of their name from their birth mom...or share in the naming somehow. With our son, we kept nothing of his first name...due to my husband's strongly eld wishes. It is my number one regret about his adoption and I have told my husband that if at ANYTIME Isaac wants part of that name included in his name...then we will be paying to have it added back in. I just wondered what the norm was on that.....I know, I know...there is no "normal". LOL

[lovemy2boys]

For us, we chose AJ's name...first and middle...

D chose a completely different first and middle name...

We didn't like the first name, but loved the middle name, so we kept it.

When we were picked the second time, we decided to choose a first name and use one of their chosen names (either first or middle) as JD's middle name...

They chose a "J" name for the first name, we also chose a "J" name...and believe it or not, they actually liked ours better...so we used our "J" name and the middle name they chose...

Shew...did that make sense?