[Shadowfaerie]

There is a (slim) possibility we will be adopting a second child who happens to be exactly the same age as our son. Born the same year and month. How would you handle this? Would our current son be treated more as the "older" sibling because he was here first? Our son is only 22 months currently. Has anyone else adopted two unrelated children the same age? What were your experiences?

Thanks so much,

[jalapeno]

Wow! Best of luck to you if that works out!

My boys are less than 4 months apart (currently 18 and 14 months old). I think it's certainly possible in your case that one boy would be treated as the "older". Not necessarily the child you already have. I would guess it'll depend on their personalities, development, and size. My younger DS is already quite a bit bigger than older DS. Younger DS actually started crawling before older DS. They started walking within a couple of weeks of each other. I strongly suspect that most people will assume my younger DS is older before long. Will my older DS appreciate that? Probably not. But on the other hand, my boys are just very different people from each other. I think for the most part they get treated as the individuals that they are.

I really love having all my kids so close together. It's hard to say how they will all feel about it when they are older. For the time being, they all get along quite well and really enjoy playing with each other. So of course I hope that they'll continue to be close. I do believe there are additional challenges with having the boys so close in age. I assume we'll have issues with competition between them. I can see where it would be easy to fall into the trap of lumping them together (having them participate in all the same activities, getting them the same toys so that they don't fight over them, having them wear the same thing for family photos). So I try really hard to find a balance between doing things to bring them together (because they're brothers and we're all one family) and pushing them apart so that they have the space to develop their unique personalities and interests. It's an ongoing learning experience for me.

[jules17]

Our sons are 5 months apart. Our youngest son seems younger though...smaller, has a lot more baby in him, etc.

Every day is amazing with both of them - I would not change it for the WORLD.

Let me keep thinking...we're late for an appt. at the mo.

Best of luck - if we were offered another "like twin" placement, we would do it in a New York minute.

[Honesty76]

My two oldest sons are only 24 days apart (they are 7 yrs old now) and yes, the older of the two is also much larger so everyone just assumes he is older (like a year or two older). We LOVE it and also love when people ask their ages, we smile and say they are both 7 yrs. Then they ask if they are twins and we say no, they are 24 days apart. We just smile and walk away while they look at us and try to figure it out.

[Shadowfaerie]

It's such a relief to see how much everyone loves having two children of the same age, because I think it will be great. I am really crossing my fingers on this one. I've been waiting to hear back since the Friday before Thanksgiving. Great holiday but I'll be glad when Monday rolls around.

[joskids]

We had a foster daughter whose birthday was one day before our adopted son. Actually, they got along very well together, just like "siblings". We celebrated their birthdays separately but both got new bicycles. She is now with an adoptive family and we still pick her up for a day around her birthday to let her know we've never forgotten her.

As for our other children, our oldest (adopted) son is 14 mos. older than our daughter (also adopted). I say this because, as adopted children with different genetics, our son is much smaller than our daughter who is estimated to reach 6 foot tall. It bothers our son that she is so much taller because he's in 5th grade and wants to feel more grown up. So, bottom line, whether they are days apart or months or even years apart, sometimes you just have to deal with someone being more mature, taller, better at sports, stronger in math, etc. You adjust and they adjust.

Best wishes on your possible new placement!!!! It's always filled with excitement and much anticipation and always, some worry.