[pbusickia]

DH and I got a call a few weeks ago from our DD birthmom. She is expecting again and due next month. She wants us to adopt this child as well.....normally this would be fantastic news, but DD is just a year old, we just finalized this summer and so money is really tight. Financially this seems to be an impossibility, but....She has told us that she plans on "keeping this one, unless we can take it" I just don't know how we can afford this right now and yet I can't imagine letting her drag this infant along with her older kids to different shelters this winter. Also how do we explain to DD someday that she was the only one of several kids to be given up for adoption or that we couldn't bring her little brother home to live with us. This whole thing is just killing me and I have no idea where to turn.

[NicoleP80]

You are living my dream I had a dream our Birthmom called and said the SAME thing!!!

I guess if it were me and you wanted this child, I would do what I could to make it happen!!! Sorry I can't offer more advice!

Good luck and lots of prayers your way during this hard time.

[jalapeno]

Wow! Deja Vu kind of. My DD and DS are 13 months apart. We had no idea their birthmom was pregnant again until we got a call that our son was born. I can't speak to the money issue. But it really shook our world because I was pregnant at the time. I certainly wish you the best in finding a way to make it work. What a difficult position to be put in. I recall being really apprehensive when we agreed to take in our son. Initially we considered saying no. I was so distracted the day we picked him up. We didn't know if we'd be able to adopt him. We didn't know what the future held. But I will say that all of that melted away the moment I really looked at him for the first time. I didn't have that "instant connection" with my daughter. But I could have picked my son out of a hundred babies. I knew he was mine in that very first moment. My heart goes out to you . . .

[pbusickia]

Thank you for your support, this has been....well pretty crazy and stressful. The hardest thing is I guess is that I really think we were meant to have this baby I mean we really never thought we would be able to have more kids and to be able to adopt DD bio brother would just be AMAZING. Do you know if when we apply for the tax credit if our liability is less than the credit which it will be....do you get the difference in a refund?

[asante]

pbusickia,

I want to wish you all the best on your decision that you are going to make. I feel you want the child the money is the issue.. God works in mysterious ways.. I hope you will be to afford it.. I think the tax credit is per child so I do belive you should be able to get credit for both kids.

[maviskat]

This exact thing happened to us in June. We received a 3AM phone call from our DD's birthdad telling us that he and DD's birthmom just had another baby girl. Our first DD was only 17 months at the time. They asked us to adopt the baby and we said yes. We just couldn't imagine not taking her. We couldn't imagine them not being together. Yes, money was tight, but we pulled from here and there to pay and we are hoping to finalize in December to take advantage of the tax credit in 2009.
The last 5 months have been tough...it is hard having two so close together and money is tight right now, but it has all been worth it!!
In the end you have to do what feels right for your family. I wish you lots of luck in your decision.

[aclee]

Originally Posted by pbusickia

Thank you for your support, this has been....well pretty crazy and stressful. The hardest thing is I guess is that I really think we were meant to have this baby I mean we really never thought we would be able to have more kids and to be able to adopt DD bio brother would just be AMAZING. Do you know if when we apply for the tax credit if our liability is less than the credit which it will be....do you get the difference in a refund?

You can only take the credit up to what your tax liability was. If you paid 5K in taxes, you can claim 5K and get that much of a refund. You can claim the rest of 5 (maybe 3? Not sure, we know we'll take it all this year) years, so if you have 5K in liability this year, and 3K next, and 3K the year after, you can get it back in chunks like that.

Good luck!

[pbusickia]

Thanks for clearing up the tax credit info. I guess every little bit will help! PS Love your avatar what a cute lil man!

[BethanyB]

I adopted my son through foster care. He was 13 months old when I got the call from his social worker saying that his bmom had another baby. It was a girl! I was so shocked. I wanted a girl someday. I had no intentions of adopting a child at that point in time but to get the call for a girl and a bio sibling, I didn't know what to do. I am a single mom and had no money to take any leave from work. My family thought I was crazy for adopting my son on my own but the social worker said I had to give them my decision right then and there. So I just said yes. They brought her the NEXT day!!!

Thank God I didn't have time to ask friends or family for advice because they would have talked me out of it. Now my son is four years old and my daughter is three years old. They give me a run for my money but I am SO glad I made this decision. I am SO glad that they have a biological connection and that they will always have each other to talk to about their bio family or their adoption. It's really wonderful to know that and have peace in that.

So my advice to you is if you can pull it off, go for it! Money is tight but I always work on ways to cut money and other ways to bring in more money. I do get some assistance from the state because they are a sib group but I am a single mom - a teacher - and I'm doing it.

Good luck with your decision.

[Linny]

I think it's wonderful that the biological mother to your son is making a consideration for both children in that your son will have a bio sib, as well as an emom considering they'll be together too. I've known of cases where an emom didn't thinkh this, and so released the other child to another family in order to 'make someone else happy'. I'll never understand that one.......

Anyway......I think to put this in perspective, you'd have to think this too: "What if you'd become unexpectedly pregnant and already had your son as you do now?" Wouldn't you just find whatever means to 'make it happen' and go from there?
There's always WIC and other programs if you need this, in order to get through it all. Heaven knows, you'll not be the first person/couple to need help with anything during these times of economic turmoil for so many.
Go with it. Deal with it. As others have told you here, you'll be so glad you did...and everyone will benefit in the long run.
My best to you!

Most Sincerely,

Linny

[aclee]

Originally Posted by pbusickia

Thanks for clearing up the tax credit info. I guess every little bit will help! PS Love your avatar what a cute lil man!

You're welcome and thanks! Ty is getting so big, so fast. I'm jealous of everyone with new babies already

[Wisdom]

Originally Posted by pbusickia

The hardest thing is I guess is that I really think we were meant to have this baby I mean we really never thought we would be able to have more kids and to be able to adopt DD bio brother would just be AMAZING.

If you believe you were meant to have this baby then the way (finances) will be provided...go for it! How exciting!

[pbusickia]

Thanks so much for all the words of wisdom and support. I just wish we had more time to "find the money" cuz everything needs to be done now, our homestudy needs to be updated and the attorney fees... its so overwhelming!

[Shadowfaerie]

This happened to us as well. It is very exciting Will you be doing a private adoption with the expectant mom, since you all know each other already? It's much less expensive than going through an agency.

All the best to you~

[pbusickia]

Yes it would be private, we would just have the attorney fees, homestudy opdate and travel expense, thats why I'm having such a hard time passing this up. I know we will NEVER have such an opportunity again. The problem is that DH and I run our own business and with the economy the way it is we are really struggling....