[oceanica]

So Athena is over 4 months and she's never been away from me her whole life.
I know this is going to come up at some point, but still.
The hubby wants to go to a program and let somebody watch her for 4-5 hours tonight. There is a babysitting service that has bonded babysitters and they will come to your house or hotel or whatever and watch a child and are basically available almost any time. They have all gone through a background check and have had training and know infant and child CPR. It is a wonderful service really. But I don't need to go out to a program or anything else. Life is not about me anymore. I don't really care about going out anywhere because we have been married for 17 years and we basically did whatever we wanted all that time. If it was a legitimate emergency I would consider it more, but this is just for us to do a fun thing together. I can't let anyone else watch Athena! I don't want him to feel bad and I know he is a little worried about letting someone else watch her too. It's a good point that she'll most likely be asleep the whole time. But still. I am very hesitant to do this. And before you ask, there is nobody I know nearby who I would ask to watch her... that is out of the question.
What do you think, should we do it?

[Fran27]

My BIL does it. I think it doesn't hurt to have some time out with your dh sometimes!

Of course, I have yet to get a babysitter myself... but our dogs would go crazy and prevent the kids from sleeping anyway...

[Fe2002]

I wouldn't do it.

Although I would start working on finding someone through recommendations from friends, family and/or co-workers.

[Stormster]

I would do it if it was important to DH. But he grew up never having babysitters EVER so he doesn't push it. Still it would be good to have someone you like and trust on board now as we always have and it's a good feeling to now they are there IF you need them.

What if you were invited to a wedding or christmas party for work....just something to think about.

[lovemy2boys]

I can't talk because my kids will be 5 and 7 and I've never had a sitter for them other than my mom and dad...

We don't really go anywhere, but would like to have SOMEONE in case of an emergency...

So in January we are taking the plunge and using my friend's niece...

As for a sitting service? Even though they are bonded, I'd be more comfortable with someone I "know".

[minibus]

We've hired a babysitter through a sitting website that we met and interviewed and really really like. The kids love her too! It's important for us, and for our marriage that we have some "grown up" time, especially since we went from zero to two children all at once. It's your decision, though, every family is different.

[GoddessDanu]

Do it. You need to get out. Most new mothers I know think that all they need is their baby to be happy and they neglect their marriage in the process. You not only need to do this but you need to make this a regular thing. Have fun!

[sambob]

If you're not comfortable doing it, then I wouldn't do it tonight. That said, you might start getting your feelers out there for someone you feel comfortable with who can watch her once in a while. Start slow - maybe just do it for an hour or two at a time so you and your hubby can go grab a cup of coffee or something. You and your hubby need alone time together. You can build up to longer events because it sounds like hubby wants to treat you to a night out and you want to be able to enjoy it!

[Stormster]

Originally Posted by sambob

If you're not comfortable doing it, then I wouldn't do it tonight. That said, you might start getting your feelers out there for someone you feel comfortable with who can watch her once in a while. Start slow - maybe just do it for an hour or two at a time so you and your hubby can go grab a cup of coffee or something. You and your hubby need alone time together. You can build up to longer events because it sounds like hubby wants to treat you to a night out and you want to be able to enjoy it!

I agree. Both or sitters logged in many hours alongside me (one as kind of a nurse and the other as a mothers helper) before I left them alone.

[melissa_bear003]

Its so very easy, with a new baby in the house, to get caught up in being a parent, and for the 'being a spouse' part to fall by the wayside. In some ways, it basically HAS to, since there's a little person completely dependant on you...but at the same time, making time to remember the husband and wife that became the mom and dad is important. Its reassuring too, that the marriage hasn't been eclipsed by parenthood.

Personally, I'd go. Or start looking now for a sitter that you can feel comfortable with, and make plans.

[chrisandaaron]

Originally Posted by melissa_bear003

Its so very easy, with a new baby in the house, to get caught up in being a parent, and for the 'being a spouse' part to fall by the wayside. In some ways, it basically HAS to, since there's a little person completely dependant on you...but at the same time, making time to remember the husband and wife that became the mom and dad is important. Its reassuring too, that the marriage hasn't been eclipsed by parenthood.

Personally, I'd go. Or start looking now for a sitter that you can feel comfortable with, and make plans.

I totally agree!

If you get used to going out for short periods now, it will be less stressful (for her and you) if you do have to leave her with someone in an emergency. Use this as an oppurtunity to find a sitter you really love.

[devildogwife]

If it's important to your DH, then you need to. I have a very sick child, so I know how easy it is to have everything be about them. Sometimes, it just has to be! However, my marriage deserves time and energy too. My son's (wonderful) CT surgeon has really encouraged me to get some respite for us, so we finally have it in place. I would however, find someone you really trust. I'm lucky enough to have some wonderful, kind nurses who watch Cameron.

[tanmansmom]

I wouldn't do a spur of the moment thing, but DO get some people in line you are comfortable with. I found TJ's sittter by calling the local high school and talking to the counselor. Regan is the best! She came and spent an evening with him while were were there and they loved each other. He also goes to a M-W-F preschool and I asked his teacher if she was available and she is. So, either Regan comes to the house or he goes to Ms. Keshia's. You will feel so much better if you have people you trust just in case there is an emergency where you have to leave her.

[mommamarci]

We did not leave Spencer with a sitter until he was over 6 months old. We have left him several times in the past 2 months now. I even left both boys overnight with my mom! It was so hard at the beginning. My husband had to drag my out of the house and I would almost have a panic attack in the car. But, I made myself do it. It gets better. I promise! Can you maybe call the service and find a person or two? Ask them to come a couple times when you are home. That way you can get to know the person and get a better feel for them. (Plus you could clean house or do laundry, too!) Once you feel more comfortable, it will get easier.

Our favorite sitter we have found is actually a ninth grade neighbor. The boys love her, she is not afraid to get down on the floor and be silly, and she is available a lot. It is a win-win for us!

[oceanica]

Hey, cleaning and laundry sound great!!
Anyway, thanks for the input on this. We ended up having a fun night in after she went to sleep.
I am going to find someone I can trust eventually. I guess it's time to get to work on that!
DDW, I'm so glad you were able to arrange respite so the little guy is taken care of while you guys get some time together without having to worry.