[mondk]

He is really afraid that if he gives her the money to buy a coat, that she won't and blow the money. I sort of agree with him, but because of her size and all, we will probably have to give her the receipt if it doesn't fit and there you go...but she needs a warm winter coat for the harsh Missouri weather. Maybe dh should take her, let her pick it out and try it on, then pay for it right then? She will be here for almost 3 weeks at Christmas and dh is taking his 2 week vacation then. Dh says he really doesn't want to take her shopping all day because he is afraid that we'll end up buying more stuff for her...or that I will. I guess I'm the "soft" one when it comes to M.C.

What do y'all think is the best way to handle the sitch?

Blessings, Michelle

[sadiegirl]

Why can't you just buy her one and give her a gift receipt?

[mondk]

Does a "gift receipt" mean that she cannot collect the money back? I thought you could get money back with a regular receipt. We have had problems with her blowing her money in the past, despite us emphasizing to her that we are on a tight budget. She will whine and look longingly at things and will say things like "I will pay you back if you get me this" and it could be something she could totally live without. She needs a coat; I've heard her mention it a time or 2 and so has dh. We absolutely don't want to hand her the money or let her be able to get the money, but yet we want to give her something nice that she actually NEEDS. KWIM?

Blessings, Michelle

[Beautyqueen616]

With a gift recipt she will get a gift card to that store or can just exchange right then. She cannot get any money back.

[mondk]

Oh, I didn't know that...well, that may change things up a bit then....thanks so much!

Blessings, Michelle

[sadiegirl]

Originally Posted by Beautyqueen616

With a gift recipt she will get a gift card to that store or can just exchange right then. She cannot get any money back.

That's not entirely true...if YOU pay cash for the coat, then she can get the cash back if she tries to return it.

I would ask at the store about their policy before buying.

[oceanica]

Michelle, a coat doesn't have to be a perfect fit, right? Mine is a little big and I don't mind because it's really warm. Just get her a coat that is not too small and don't give her a receipt! If she really needs a coat it'll be fine.

[Suziebearhugs]

I'm confused? I thought you and your husband had decided not to have her stay with your for several weeks around christmas. I thought you were only going to do a day or two and then have her be responsible for figuring out what she was going to do the rest of the time? Obviously this is your choice? I'm just confused why the change?

I would have your husband pick her out a jacket and just buy it big. If it doesn't fit than you all can go with her during your visit to exchange it for one that fits. This way she won't talk you into a bunch of different items she just has to have, and she won't pick a jacket above the budget your already planning to spend.

[Stormster]

To me a gift is a gift. What she does with it is her business. Trying to control what she does with it is just the co-dependency you are trying to free yourself from!

I am sending L a gently used coat and a card.

Good luck!

[Wisdom]

If she's going to be there for Christmas, and you give the coat as a gift, why would you have to give her the receipt? Since she'll be there and if it doesn't fit, take her to the store and exchange it. (unless you planned on sending the coat before Christmas...?) Or of course as you said, you can always take her shopping to buy a new coat. (Wow, three weeks is a long visit.)

[sadiegirl]

I thought the OP mentioned that they really don't want to take her to the store, b/c they'll feel more inclined to buy her other gifts?

I say, buy one a little big with no receipt OR buy one with a gift receipt-not cash btw-that she'd only be able to get store credit for if she tries to return it.

Wouldn't you have to drive her to the store to return it anyway?

My vote is buy one that you know will fit with NO receipt, tags off even. It's a gift and she should treat it as such. JMO, not trying to be harsh.

[Suziebearhugs]

That's what I was thinking.

Three weeks is a very long time for any friend/relative to visit.

Especially given the nature of your relationship with her and your other child in the home.

How are you going to find time for yourselves as a family?

You might be setting yourselves up for some problems, especially boundary problems. Something you are already experiencing.

What are you planning to do for the 3 weeks she will be there? A single christmas present seems like nothing compared to the many times you will be out at the grocery store, gas station, out to dinner/lunch, out to the movies or some other form of outing or entertainment? How will you handle those situations? Who will pay? How will you set those boundaries? I'd really recommend sitting down with your husband and coming up with a plan.

[jules17]

I would be way more concerned about the extended stay than the coat. But you and your husband may have already worked out those details? Whoa ... sounds like a lot to me.

As far as the coat, when we give gifts, once they leave my hand, whatever is done with them is not my concern. I gave a gift and the recipient can do what they want. And if I am not in this frame of mind, I don't give a gift.

We are like this with money too...no loans. If we get the money back, great. But if I give it as a gift (in my mind) then I release myself from the stress about getting it back.

JMHO.

[Shadowfaerie]

Originally Posted by mondk

What do y'all think is the best way to handle the sitch?

Blessings, Michelle

Don't buy anything.

Perhaps this sounds mean, but we never buy our son's birthmother anything for the holidays or her birthday. We still care about her even without the gift giving.

[belleinblue1978]

I would think that Job Corp could help her find a coat. But if you give her one, then it is hers to do with what she wants.

I'm with the rest, I'd be more concerned about an extended stay.