[akcskye]

Well, I decided to let my kids have a phone.

Today, my daughter's phone started beeping and I checked the text message, because she was still in Indian Education at the time.

Two, VERY (as in, only adults should understand the jokes) sexually explicit texts were sent to her by a classmate who just got my daughter's # for texting.

I baited the girl by texting back WTF and when she texted back "wat" I said "who is this, ur not on my list" and she said her name, and hello.

THEN, I let her know that I was Mrs. H and that we do not talk that way in our home. I said I would let that time slip, but I expect she never send my daughter anything like that again!

She texted back "KKKKKKKKKK" and then I texted back "thank you, I will let her know you texted, and that if she ever needs to talk about stuff like she sent, I will always lend an ear".

She texted back OK and we left it at that.

I HOPE I did the right thing, it feels right, so I'm going with it...

However, this is an issue for ALL kids, not just children in foster or adoptive care. READ YOUR KIDS text messages!!!

Just my .02 for the day.

[crystalp]

Good Job!!

[akcskye]

Thanks Crystal...it was one of those "defining moments" of motherhood for me...it really hit me then that I was a mom.

The mother bear wanted to chew the girl out, but the other side of the mom, the nurturing, came out to offer this girl a shot at learning things the correct way.

School rumor mill is that this girl is the class *s* and if there's ANY way I can connect with her and let her know that she is above that type of stuff, I'm willing to do it, even if her own mom (by this girls' admission) is not willing to.

[Stormster]

Yeah....to be honest your parenting style is often much stricter than mine (at least how I plan to be) but that is right up my alley!

[akcskye]

haha...For sure I'm probably perceived as very strict.

But, honestly, the "rules" I fuss on here about the kids breaking are about all the rules I have.

I guess it's just that when I come on here to vent, it's been a bad day, and everything builds up to the point I have to vent or go crazy! haha

I don't ask much, which is probably why that I get so upset when what little I ask for is constantly defied, if you know what I mean.

Now, my mom, OTOH, was as strict as they come...but I was a late in life baby, so she was already 37 when she had me...and times had changed since she had my oldest sister in 1955...and the choices made in the 60's are not the choices I had in the 80's.

But, lately, things have been getting much better with my family...LOL Thank GOD!

Originally Posted by Stormster

Yeah....to be honest your parenting style is often much stricter than mine (at least how I plan to be) but that is right up my alley!

[kretzklan]

Text checking is big in my house. I can track how many he sends and receives since we have a family plan. He cannot delete them until I've looked at all of them (admittedly, this is often quite boring)...
BUT - the new big thing is "sexting" - where you send dirty pictures of yourself to other kids - back and forth. Apparently bigger for girls than boys. The boys can be charged with child pornography is they are over 12 for having that on their phone!

[zxczxcasdasd]

My humble personal opinion is that kids, and even many teens, are generally not mature enough to handle the privacy and availability of texting.

We, and many other parents we knew, had the text/pic feature disabled on our kids' phones until they went to college. They still had the cell phone and could talk on it, just not text or send pics. We'll be doing the same with Little J when the time comes.

[maricela]

I have a 13 y/o son and I do read his texts occasionally. I try not to have a pattern so that I can surprise him. He is not suppose to delete them but he does...anyhow, last week I read his texts and there were two girls who sent him VERY SUGGESTIVE texts. Once girl was telling him she was going to send him video of herself! I took his phone away for a week and we spoke to him. I think we scared him. Needless to say, he turns over the phone to me as soon as I get home.

It is a VERY scary world out there for our kids. They have so much access to things they shouldn't have access to!!!

Edited to add: We will also be adding the blocking feature on his phone.

[crick]

Originally Posted by zxczxcasdasd

My humble personal opinion is that kids, and even many teens, are generally not mature enough to handle the privacy and availability of texting.

We, and many other parents we knew, had the text/pic feature disabled on our kids' phones until they went to college. They still had the cell phone and could talk on it, just not text or send pics. We'll be doing the same with Little J when the time comes.

I know this is a "duh" moment for me...but thank you for posting that. I had no idea this was an option and it's good info to have!!

My oldest two are 11 & 10 and beg me almost daily for a cell. I won't do it until they are in middle school and I'm sticking to that one for sure!

We monitor emails and it's such a pita, but at the rate some of these kids are growing up, it's such a necessity.

Kretz...12?? UGH!

[Sohmakun]

are you going to confront your daughter about the text?

[Mommy24]

I just had this very same conversation the other day with my aunt who has a daughter around the same age as my daughter, she is not allowing texting.I do allow it and monitor it daily. I have yet to find anything overly suggestive, although I have found some things that have caused great discussion in our house.

The one advantage, imo, to texting is the ability to know what goes on in the world of my teens. Can they delete things before I see them? Sure, but they also know that if I find out they have deleted anything then they lose the phone, for good. We have open communication here, I do not give out the shock factor to my kids, they have been told at a very early age that no conversation is off limits and that while I may not always like to hear what they are going to have to tell me I would rather know than not.

So, I think as long as it is monitored and as long as the kids know that we understand they have no ability to control what others may send and that if they receive those kinds of texts they need to be discussed amongst us as to why they are wrong or not acceptable to us, it is a good way to keep up with what they are talking about and doing.

That's my opinion and for now it seems to be working with my 2 teens.

Good luck, parenting sure can be hard but in the end you have to do what works for your family.

[Wisdom]

Sending those type of texts must be pretty popular with that age group these days. On a recent Oprah episode a woman said her 12 year old son rec'd a sexually explicit text (he actually showed it to his mom because he was disturbed by it) and she was contemplating whether or not to contact the girls mom. (In that case, though, the girl was offering him sexual favors.) In your case, I wouldn't be surprised if the girl has sent those type of texts before.

[akcskye]

Of course I told my daughter about it. She's not had the phone but 2 days, and this girl just got her phone number today.

She knows she's not in trouble...how could I punish her for something out of her control, KWIM?

I did let her know that I am glad this happened right off, and that it is NOT acceptible for her to even "just delete" if she gets it...that I am to be made aware of any junk like that she gets so I can discuss it with any of the children's parents if need be.

I didn't know of the blocking feature, either...so that's great to know.

Originally Posted by Sohmakun

are you going to confront your daughter about the text?

[mondk]

I hate to admit this, but up until last year I was using a really old cell phone that was unable to text. I upgraded a few months ago and my now-phone does all this stuff and I have no idea how to do any of it. It takes pictures? I have no idea how to take a picture. People text me all the time, I have no idea how to even read the messages I get! My son has the same phone as mine and mainly plays music on his. He can text though! I'm so technologically impaired. I will have to have dh reveiw his text messages now.

Blessings, Michelle

[zxczxcasdasd]

We gave it a shot...but we got sick of looking at the top of his head- at the dinner table and pretty much everywhere else. He did not show the ability to honor our requests that certain times were not texting time, etc. The final straw was 3 months of tumultuous relationship with a very needy gf who used texting to demand his full attention 24 hours- in school, in the middle of the night, in the middle of family occasions, anytime and all the time. Ugh. Anyway, we made the exec decision to disable texting, which we didn't know was possible until someone told us and there was much rejoicing. Even after the short relationship ended, life was simpler without it so we left it disabled until he started college. Surprisingly, it didn't kill him.