[Wisdom]

Originally Posted by JeffInGA

One last note - the grandfather - who is not someone we really know did mention that the birth mother would not know who we were or where we lived as he feared she would attempt to take him.
Help?

My initial thinking when I read your post was that since the boy's mother is not caring for him now and into drugs perhaps she would voluntarily give up her parental rights if a good family was found for the boy. But I re-read your initial post and read that the grandfather thinks she will try to take him. If that's the case it doesn't seem she'd be willing to give up her parental rights so easily. But again you never know. Why not ask the grandfather if you can meet her? (If you'd be willing.) Be open with her about wanting to adopt her son. If she sees a loving family wanting to adopt her son perhaps something could change. Just a thought. If she's resistant to the idea of you having him, you'd know that there is a chance that you'd have to return the child (if you take him in) because she may fight it. Also, if you're considering this, it may be good for the grandfather to bring the boy by to visit your family more often so he can get to know you all before moving in. (Perhaps you've already done this, but if not, it would be good for everyone involved.) Also, it would let you know if it's something you really want to do or not.

[chrisandaaron]

Originally Posted by JeffInGA

Okay been a couple weeks of silence since the last phone call with the DFAC's worker. She had really given us the impression that there was a "list" of relatives that might step up and take the child - she called back today and it turned out to only be a list of one and they said no (he is disabled and she works nights).

So now the DFAC's woman asks if we are still interested in taking the child and I say of course we are - she runs thru a list of things that we need to do before we are to appear in court on the 22nd where we might be taking the child home with us.

As the foggy details become clear it seems we would neither be adopting him nor be foster parents - but would be given "guardianship" of him for "1 or 2 years" at which time I assume they would re-evaluate the competency of the mother. She would still have custody and presumably may still be entitled to visitation.

Nothing ideal about the situation for anyone involved including us since the prospect of taking a child in for a couple years and loving him and having him become part of our family only then to be removed out of the blue by court order doesn't sit well with us but it is out of our control I guess?

Not sure what I am asking for in this thread? Advice? Reassurance that we are doing the right thing? Questions we should be asking?

Thanks!

Just wanted to wish you the best of luck! Guardianship can mean different things. My parents were given "permanant guardianship" of my bro/sis (bio cousins). Basically it met that their bio father had visitation rights, but that is it. They raised them from the time they were 1yr & 3yrs. They are both adults now.

[JeffInGA]

Good advice - I will ask the grandfather if he could bring the boy over to visit before the court date on the 22nd. Would definately be good for everyone involved if they would be willing.

A note on the mother - we were originally told she was in trouble because of drugs but after speaking to the child advocate from the court I think the real story here is she has lost her children not because of drugs but because of neglect. She is 26 and never had a job and really never had a place of her own. She seems to have moved from friend's house to friend's house and DFAC had been alerted by the schools where this child's older siblings had missed a lot of school and when they went had consistent problems with lice and other things indicating neglect. I think she got arrested on a marijuana charge and that got her into the court system but her problems don't appear to stem from drugs - more like just extreme immaturity??

This court appointed child advocate seems like the most reasonable player in the whole drama and she didnt think the mother would try to take the child - the mother doesnt even make attempts to see the child now - but at the same time doesnt want to give up her parental rights.

[cetalley]

Jeff, I have no experiemce in this journey, that you are taking. I do believe, you and your family have been chosen by a higher power, for reasons we may never know. I offer you my prayers and blessings, for some reason, i feel the need to tell you," thank you from the bottom of this precious little boys heart"......Please keep us updated...Happy Hoildays, this little boy is being blessed, and there really are angels umong us!