[adoptingourfirst]

This is long, so I apologize in advance...

We were selected by a birthmom at the time of birth six months ago. Unfortunately, she had not told the birthfather about the pregnancy and he refused to sign TPR. She did, but she did not want him to have the baby. Our agency decided that they would fight him. They wanted us to take the baby, but we decided not too at that time because we did not want to have to give him back should the courts rule that he was fit to parent.

The agency placed the child into "private" foster care. We are now six months into this and after delay after delay, we are being told that next month will be the final decision.

We have been asking the agency to give us the cost of the adoption - knowing that it was going to cost a little bit more than what we had originally thought but holy cow - they threw us for a loop this afternoon. An adoption through this agency costs $27,500 (which I know is high, but also not unusual). They are telling us that because of the foster care we can add an additional $9,000 to that and at least another $6,000 for the lawyer costs and that number could even be higher...they just don't know yet!!!!!!!

We are in no way rich. We expected maybe 2-4 more, but not a minimum of 15 more.

Do any of you know how the private fostering system works? I would assume that they have to receive some funds from the government, but they are making it sound like they don't. How is that possible? Are we totally being yanked around? HELP!!!!!!!

[aclee]

Originally Posted by adoptingourfirst

This is long, so I apologize in advance...

We were selected by a birthmom at the time of birth six months ago. Unfortunately, she had not told the birthfather about the pregnancy and he refused to sign TPR. She did, but she did not want him to have the baby. Our agency decided that they would fight him. They wanted us to take the baby, but we decided not too at that time because we did not want to have to give him back should the courts rule that he was fit to parent.

The agency placed the child into "private" foster care. We are now six months into this and after delay after delay, we are being told that next month will be the final decision.

We have been asking the agency to give us the cost of the adoption - knowing that it was going to cost a little bit more than what we had originally thought but holy cow - they threw us for a loop this afternoon. An adoption through this agency costs $27,500 (which I know is high, but also not unusual). They are telling us that because of the foster care we can add an additional $9,000 to that and at least another $6,000 for the lawyer costs and that number could even be higher...they just don't know yet!!!!!!!

We are in no way rich. We expected maybe 2-4 more, but not a minimum of 15 more.

Do any of you know how the private fostering system works? I would assume that they have to receive some funds from the government, but they are making it sound like they don't. How is that possible? Are we totally being yanked around? HELP!!!!!!!

They would not have received state assistance for a situation like this unless the state was involved in finding the father fit or unfit.

We paid $40 a day for private cradle care for Tyler. I would think that private foster care would be between $30-$50 per day, so that number sounds right on.

From what you've said about the legal battle, I don't think the attny costs are off either.

I would question as to why you are completely responsible for all of it though...they shouldn't have matched you without investigating the bfather situation in my opinion. Can they not share those costs by lowering their profit margin on this adoption?

Best of Luck!

[Daisy1339]

I don't know, I'd be suspicious, too!

Can you ask for a break down of the costs? If that's possible, at least you'd be able to see where all of it is going to.

I'd ask what the atty's standard fee for their agency is. Then I'd ask for his or her name and number to follow up on it (but I'm fairly aggressive when I feel that I'm being taken advantage of). And they must have a break down of what the foster care provider is paid, especially if they are contracted through the agency. Don't take no for an answer, you have an absolute right to see these things. I would ask to see a typical contract for a foster care provider. In fact, I'm willing to bet that they already get a stipend from your State (in addition to whatever they get from your agency). Definitely ask that question.

I would ask A LOT of questions and require them, demand from them, their policies and procedures. Afterall, they are expecting you to pay through the nose, it isn't reasonable to expect you to do it blindly.

Can you back out of this situation or did you sign something? I'm sure you're in love with him already, I was just wondering.

Good luck to you! I'm so sorry you are going through this!

[sambob]

Have you been involved all along, or did you just recently find out this child is back on your radar screen? If you agreed to pursue it until the end, then I think you may be on the hook for the additional expenses (but yes, definitely get an accurate accounting of those). What happens if you say no? What happens if the final decision doesn't go your way - who pays the costs then?

[RhondaJ]

Missy, I know that you really want this but I think they are charging you way too much! Make sure you think about this...there will be other situations! I'm sorry that this is ending this way; I know how you feel about this situation! If you want to talk; you can give me a call. If you don't have my number still...pm me and I will give it to you again! I will be praying for you girl!

[minibus]

I doubt that they would have received funds from the government, as the child was not abused / in danger of being abused. It was "cradle care", rather than "foster care". Honestly, neither of the costs seem that far off to me, with 6 months worth of care + 6 months worth of lawyer time. With the agency we ended up hooking up with, if the child had had to go into cradle care before TPR was signed, we were legally responsible for the costs of that cradle care.

[adoptingourfirst]

I spoke with the director of the agency this morning and told her that there was no way we could come up with the kind of money that they are asking for and she said she didn't think anyone could. She said that they had never anticipated this going on for so long and that is what has upped the cost. She is going to talk to the agency lawyer (her brother - this is a family owned and operated business) and see what they can do. They are going to get back to me either Friday or next Monday. We'll see what they say...I doubt that they are going to reduce the cost enough for it to be workable for us though. Thanks for all of your help and encouragement. It means a lot!

[Daisy1339]

What happens to the baby, then? If no one can afford that kind of cost, I wonder what will ultimately happen?

I'm so sorry for your disappointment and pain! It shouldn't be this hard. It's all so very discouraging!

[Leigh131313]

that is awful. And now this baby is 6 flippin months old???? I feel awful for that poor lil thing.