[oceanica]

So I was at the hospital and there are a lot of people from different disciplines at the nurses station. 2 nurses were joking around for a while... distracting me really from doing my work. Anyway they got on the topic of Obama. The white nurse says, "he's not really black.. "and goes on and on about it and that his mom is as white as can be. Then she says, he's an oreo cookie. Then she says they said on the news that Michelle Obama is really not right for being a first lady because she's black. There were several other comments said which I thought were not appropriate. It was more the way she was saying them, in a kind of confrontational manner like she was teasing her in a mean way. The black nurse is from Jamaica, about 38 or so years old, the white nurse about 28. The black nurse just takes it all in stride, except she mumbled one time, yes he is black. And in the end they were standing up and the white nurse says something about "you people", really kind of in her face, and I looked around and noticed that there were about 7 or 8 other white people in the room, just sort of looking on. The other black nurse was in the med room so he didn't hear any of this. I was the only other sort of "brown" person in the room. I was just flabbergasted, not sure what to say! What wouldve been your response, if any? I've never seen this behavior in public before?!! The black nurse just sort of laughed it off and minutes later treated her like a good friend. I knew I shouldve said something even though nothing horrible was said, but I didn't. It was more the way it was done I guess. My dh thinks I sometimes overeact since we have Athena, but this time I don't think I am. I had to call back there later and I talked to the black nurse about it and she just said, "oh, she doesn't mean anything by it. She's always like that." So maybe I am off base. Give me some good ways to handle this in the future so if it happens again I'll do better!

[oceanica]

Just want to add that I feel like I've sort of let Athena down by not addressing this right at the time.

[jp4ga]

I am not one for running to superiors, but in this case this behavior needs to be reported to whoever is in charge. Behavior like this should not be tolerated by anyone. It does not surprise me that no one spoke up, many of those who heard were probably just as shocked as you were, but just did not want to get involved or stoke the fire.

I teach high school and have spent a lot of time during the past few weeks dealing with these types of comments from students. But not all of the comments have been from whites, there have been comments from black students about "pay backs being hell." I just wish people would grow up and quit with the racist comments.

[oceanica]

Just an update... the nurse came up to me yesterday and said "if I offended you the other day, I apologize." The other nurse talked to her the day before.

[Sohmakun]

I don't think it needed to be addressed. Because frankly their conversation is none of your business. You may also get flamed for saying something that didn't include you.

I understand you want to stand up for your daughter but you have to pick your battles wisely


EDITED TO ADD: If their comments really bothered you then speak to their manager or supervisor.

[ourdreamcametru]

I think sometimes when people are together a lot that they learn each others "humor" so to speak and can over look it because they know that's just the way that person is. When there is an outsider there I think they just don't even see them so to speak because they are so used to being together that they just talk without thinking. I think the nurse handled it correctly by apologizing to you.
Does any of this make sense? it sounds good when I think it but not so good written out lol

[cetalley]

Oceanica, I am like you, in the way of trying to keep nuetral. However, you are much wiser than I. I think there is a rule(somewhere) that politics, religion, and a persons wages are NEVER an exceptible topic in the work place. I have to agree whole-heartedly. I however am not always wise to picking my own battles. I would have had to say something. This is horribly hurtful in the way, that as a NATION we must do what it takes to get past racism, labeling, (i.e.-gay/lesbian)and intolernce on any level, if we are going to raise the next generation to do better than we ourselves have done. I have always had strong opinions and discussions about a person, but never ABOUT their skin color, their sexual preferences, or religion...NEVER! I raised my son, to know that it is expected of him to be kind hearted. I taught him it is in NO-WAY exceptible to be biased against any human because of their looks, (i.e.-being poor, skin color, choices of clothing, or anything that differs from what we ourselves project). I have always taught him that what we do morrally is what we project...that whatever he chooses in life to do, and whomever he chooses to spend his life with, as long as I can look into his eyes and see he is truly happy....then he has my best wishes and Blessings. I do not care if he marries black...green...yellow...male...as long as he IS happy. He is 29 and is one of the most grounded persons I have ever had the pleasure to know. I am exstatic to have a man such as P.E. Obama represent our nation...for I feel hope and see a light once again. I would have been stupid enough to say something, especially in an enviroment such as a hospital, where many people come to heal...and do not need medical professionals discussing such hateful intolerance. Leave the opinions at the door, and help make people feel better. That is what the Obama family makes me feel.....Oh, are they black? HELL, I do not care they are our compass for a future......a brighter one than we have had in 8+ yrs....Bush...is he white? Who the hell cares ...he is a f***-up. Sorry that last one was a bit of intolerence..yes? But he is a f**k-up because of his ineptitude(sp?), not because he is white! Oh, one last thing...if anyone hasn't noticed I am white! Gotta go harvest some beans...nothing like the steady roar of a big machine under the ole tush...all day long...Blessings..

[karla-k]

"I think sometimes when people are together a lot that they learn each others "humor" so to speak and can over look it because they know that's just the way that person is. When there is an outsider there I think they just don't even see them so to speak because they are so used to being together that they just talk without thinking. I think the nurse handled it correctly by apologizing to you."

I completely agree that they were probably joking with one another. It was probably not appropriate in that setting, but that is another issue. I am glad the nurse apologized to you.

[startedover]

My best friend is raising a bi racial boy and she is the one that will make "oreo" jokes and so forth. Most of her friends are black (she is white), but that is her personality. I believe it was probably good nature joking, but even if it was not, I probably would not step in, as I was not addressed and may have miss read what was goining on.

[sbaglio]

I'm sorry, but I can't believe some of the responses here. Ignore what was said? How many of you would ignore sexist slights said against women, just because you were within earshot but not part of the conversation? I have spoken up twice when men made crass jokes about Sarah Palin.

Just my presence at my workplace makes people think twice before they talk about race issues out loud. My spouse (who is not black) has been privy to many a racist statement, especially when we lived in South Africa, and he learned that not saying anything was the same as condoning it by one's silence. He always speaks up now, especially since his spouse is black, and his daughter biracial. When someone at his workplace sent around a picture of some girl in blackface last year, he immediately replied to all on the list, stating how insulting and inappropriate that was, and that he didn't want to be included in any further emails from the originator.

I thought workplace harrassment policies included clauses about feeling comfortable in your work environment. I work in an governmental agency, and believe me, this would not have been tolerated. Someone would have reported it, whether they were involved in the conversation or not. At least, I would have.

[OakShannon]

I'm sorry you were in that situation.

When issues like that come up, the question I ask myself is, "What would I do if my son was watching?" What if he was listening to hear what I would say? My silence would tacitly suggest that I thought it was okay. Or that I was too uncomfortable or embarrassed to speak up. My heart may be pounding. I may not say exactly the right thing. But I would say something.

As to the idea that this is just her idea of "humor." Well, there are many types of "humor" that are not allowed in the workplace for good reason. Racist, sexist, homophobic, sexual, etc. "humor" can create a hostile work environment and are not tolerated in most places. Maybe someone needs to point that out to her.

[oceanica]

I appreciate all the responses here. I have decided that this situation is ridiculous in this day and age and that it wasn't joking. One person seemed to be attacking and another put in a position to defend. It seemed mean spirited to me, not like two people good naturedly joking. When one person is in another person's face saying "you people" this and that, it's not a joke any more, it's an attack. I feel I shouldve spoken up at the time in some way. If that was MY daughter someone was talking to, you'd better believe they'd hear from me!
(OK I'll let it go now.)

[bromanchik]

The English philosopher and politician Edmund Burke once said, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

Speaking up is necessary.

[GuatMommy2Be]

It bothers me when we make excuses for other people. That nurse was in the wrong, but the one sorta-being attacked probably felt it was better to let it go then make a big deal out of it, esp at work. If you want to report it then you should. Next time you could say something along the lines of that being inappropriate and that your daughter is black so you take offense to what is being said.

[JustPeachy]

I don't know that I would have gotten into their discussion, as sometimes when you try to defend someone, especially in public, they get upset (this has happened to me on more than one occasion). I would, however, thought about making a complaint to a supervisor after the fact.

As far as modeling for your daughter, I don't think not saying something right then and there indicates that you condone the behavior. There are many ways to fight racism or inappropriate behaviour without on-the-spot verbal confrontation. For instance, if she were old enough to understand, you could have a conversation with your daughter about why you believe such comments are wrong, and can come to a decision together as to what should be done about it. Or you could quietly approach the two and say their conversation is offensive to you (not to mention unprofessional and inappropriate!). Or you could get up and walk out. I don't think there is a "one size fits all" approach to these things.