[melissa_bear003]

Stormster posted an interesting quiz about child safety. One of the correct answers is to teach your child to approach a woman if lost...and gives some interesting reasoning for it. Women are more likely to commit to the child, etc.

This bothers me tremendously.

I've seen, time and again, the bias against fathers in our society. Our eldest dd, 'Diva' has invited friends over, and been asked if Mommy or Daddy is home...and if its just Daddy, no go.

The idea that a woman is more likely to tend to a lost child than a man is insulting to me. My husband (and I'm sure he's one of many) would do everything and anything to tend to a child, ensure their safety. This is the same guy that carried a barefoot child neighbour home from the park because of the broken glass.

We've come a long way in terms of gender equality and equal rights in the work place, under law, etc. When are fathers finally going to be recognized as being equal parents?

Personally, I'm really tired of the media portraying fathers as being a clueless parent, a walking wallet that goes to work, comes home, and doesn't have a clue about his children. Good hearted, but dumb. Think Homer, for example.

I'm tired of my husband being looked at with suspicion, simply because he has a penis. He's had ppl assume he's a single Dad at the park...because he was there. Everyone knows that MOM takes kids to the park, not the Dad, unless its visitation, right?

I'm just really tired of the mentality that a dad can't be as good a parent as a mom. I've heard friends fret about how their dh will 'manage' the kids if they go to work pt, or out for an evening. He's the DAD. Why should there be a concern? I mean, does he worry about how you'll manage when he goes to work/out? I ask that, and usually hear that my dh is an oddity, not the norm.

And I wonder why.

[missymissus]

The "correct" answer to that question kind of bothered me too. It really amazes me that in 2008 most people still seem to have the mindset that just because a woman is a woman means she will be a safe, loving person who will commit herself tirelessly to helping a lost child while asking a man for help is automatically assumed to be more dangerous.

[Stormster]

6 months ago I would have agreed with you until every single man in my family at a dinner said they themselves would take the child up to the nearest woman! I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. My relatives were afraid that someone would think they took the child!

Granted this was England where the teachers are never allowed to touch students for any reason whatsoever etc...

What can you do if there are so many men who feel this way it WOULD be safer.

I don't know if my American relatives would feel the same.

[Fran27]

Well, I'm sure there are way more men who assault children sexually than women. That's why it's safer for kids to go to a woman if they need help, than a man... But in most articles, they say the safest is to go to a mother, not just any woman..

And there are still a lot of men who really don't know as much than their wives when it comes to child care (I made a poll about it on another forum, and 90% of the husbands didn't even know what size clothes or diapers their babies wear).

So yes, it's often a generalization, but sadly there is still a lot of truth in there.

[binkybear]

One of those night time shows did something on this a little while ago...one of those prime time type "what would you do" shows. They had a litttle kid on a pretty busy street crying, whimpering or just looking plain old lost. #1 it was sad how many men and women alike simply walked by, but if I'm remebering correctly women where more likely to actually stop and make sure the child was ok or found it's parent. Men did stop, but not as frequently. The one's who did were great, but it was more rare. I think most men are just plain old afraid to do this in today's world, not a good excuse but tells you something about our world. There was one woman, a grandmother, who was awesome...not even believing the host of the show at first and making sure the child was indeed safe and not going off with a stranger.

I know it's not a "perfect" answer but I'd be more inclined to tell a child to look for a woman as well. That's not to say that only women would help a child or only men would harm a child, but in my area the Megan's Law site has well over 250 offenders that I counted and of those 5 are women. In all honesty I'd probably tell a chld to look for a "woman or man with kids" and if there were none then a woman. But that's just me

[HappyTwinsMom]

The reasoning behind it is that, statistically, women are more likely to respond and be invested in the outcome - and are less likely to be offenders themselves.

I really don't believe it has to do with gender bias or gender equality. It has everything to do with the statistics and facts.

My husband is one of those fantastic, hands-on dads. He was a SAHD for quite a while and, quite frankly, often a better parent than I am. However, he is not the norm - and he knows it.

[Leigh131313]

It's not to do with being a good/bad parent - as far as I've been told it's about being less likely to harm the child. Statistically men abuse children more than women .


The thing that I find interesting...If your kid is lost/scared whatever, what are the chances that if he DID go to a male that he'd be some kind of offender?? It's different when you talk about being approached - in that case your child would have been sought out by the offender. And in which case - I wouldn't want my child going with a male OR female.

I would want my child to go to someone else with kids. I don't care if it's a mommy or a daddy.

[jalapeno]

Child predators are overwhelmingly male and they like to hang out where kids are. They like to hang out where kids will more likely get lost. They intentionally try to look and act friendly and approachable. I think it very UNLIKELY that a child would pick out a predator if they had to ask someone for help. But what's the point in risking it? It's pretty easy for a kid to make the distinction between man and woman. Not so easy for them to tell a police officer from a security guard. Not so easy for them to tell the difference between a father playing with his kid at the playground and a stranger who's talking to a kid he doesn't know. I think the overwhelming majority of men would get my child back to me safe and sound. But I'll definitely be teaching my kids to look for a woman (mom if possible) if they're lost.

[Lorraine123]

I'm sure there are way more men who assault children sexually than women.

Child predators are overwhelmingly male and they like to hang out where kids are.

Where are the stats on this? And I would say that male predators are caught more often than female predators, but that certainly doesn't mean that sexual abusers are overwhelmingly male.

[melissa_bear003]

Originally Posted by Fran27

And there are still a lot of men who really don't know as much than their wives when it comes to child care (I made a poll about it on another forum, and 90% of the husbands didn't even know what size clothes or diapers their babies wear).

So yes, it's often a generalization, but sadly there is still a lot of truth in there.

My question to that is, WHY? I've seen it happen, time and again..."Oh, here Dear, this is the way you do it..." and Mom takes over. Mom treats Dad as if he doesn't know, shouldn't know...he's just the Dad.

I don't know if my dh is the Dad he is because of who he is,or because I insisted on it...or a combo. When we had our first bio child together, he tried the, "You're better at it than I am..." only to be handed a diaper and told that practice makes perfect. I always assumed, and made sure that he knew, that he was as capable a parent as I am, period. There was none of the 'I'm the Mom, I know better' anywhere...and woe betide the person that ever asks either of us if dh is 'babysitting'. He's parenting. He no more babysits our children than I do.

I wonder how much the societal attitude of Moms being 'better parents' than Dads has to do with the stats in responsiveness. Dads are told that they're 2nd best, that a Mom is more equipped.

And if someone identified skin colour, eye colour, hair colour and said that people with those traits were more likely to be predators, we'd all have a fit. So why is it ok to basically apply the 'predator' label to any and all unknown men, assume men are dangerous, and women are safe?

[MamaS]

It is a long-standing bias. Twenty years ago I would let my daughters go to "sleep-overs" where there were mothers only. Besides the obvious bias, I usually "knew" the mothers -- we had met at PTO, dance class waiting rooms, etc. The fathers were never seen and totally unknown.
In fact, my daughters were VERY popular because they had a mother only! We had a girl's night slumber party every New Year's Eve so that the married couples could go out and celebrate without having to pay a sitter. Several times I was told by mothers how they "always knew their girls would be safe with us" -- because there was no father, no brothers, not even a male dog on the premises!

[KatiesEd-dad]

Originally Posted by melissa_bear003

Stormster posted an interesting quiz about child safety. One of the correct answers is to teach your child to approach a woman if lost...and gives some interesting reasoning for it. Women are more likely to commit to the child, etc.

This bothers me tremendously.

I've seen, time and again, the bias against fathers in our society. Our eldest dd, 'Diva' has invited friends over, and been asked if Mommy or Daddy is home...and if its just Daddy, no go.

The idea that a woman is more likely to tend to a lost child than a man is insulting to me. My husband (and I'm sure he's one of many) would do everything and anything to tend to a child, ensure their safety. This is the same guy that carried a barefoot child neighbour home from the park because of the broken glass.

We've come a long way in terms of gender equality and equal rights in the work place, under law, etc. When are fathers finally going to be recognized as being equal parents?

Personally, I'm really tired of the media portraying fathers as being a clueless parent, a walking wallet that goes to work, comes home, and doesn't have a clue about his children. Good hearted, but dumb. Think Homer, for example.

I'm tired of my husband being looked at with suspicion, simply because he has a penis. He's had ppl assume he's a single Dad at the park...because he was there. Everyone knows that MOM takes kids to the park, not the Dad, unless its visitation, right?

I'm just really tired of the mentality that a dad can't be as good a parent as a mom. I've heard friends fret about how their dh will 'manage' the kids if they go to work pt, or out for an evening. He's the DAD. Why should there be a concern? I mean, does he worry about how you'll manage when he goes to work/out? I ask that, and usually hear that my dh is an oddity, not the norm.

And I wonder why.

Amen, sister! Thanks for the props from us Dads.

[Leigh131313]

**mental note.....keep m away from ed**

[jules17]

This is interesting to me too...and sad.

I was raised (36 years ago) by a mom and dad who raised us equally. My dad was up with us at 2 in the morning, changed diapers, cooked, cleaned...you name it. He helped my mom earn more degrees and more money too.

Thank God I was raised with those models.

Also interestingly enough, my husband was raised by his dad, a SAHD while he finished his Ph.D. (39 years ago).

So we have no gender rules or roles in this house. My husband can tell you exactly what size diapers our sons wear, when they had their last bowel movement, how much they ate for breakfast, and anything else you might want to know.

If I didn't know my husband and my child was lost, I can't think of anyone more safe and caring than him.

P.S. Don't even get me started on when I do leave ..."Oh, is DH babysitting?" Um, no, he's their dad.

[Stormster]

I think the point is more about expedience than gender discrimination. We have to decide for ourselves.

I honestly don't know how I feel about it ....I really respect Gavin De Becker and I'm going to see what he says. Because if E gets lost I don't really care who helps him as long as he gets help.