[FathernNathan]

First I'd like to introduce myself. I am Father Nathan Monk and I am a priest working with single mothers and woman struggle with the choice whether or not to abort.

We are about to expand our ministry by helping facilitate adoptions through connecting families who want to adopt with woman who choose to keep the child but want to put it up for adoption.

As an active member of the pro-life movement I was recently convicted this year about my lack of pro-active work within that system.

We are currently wanting to put together this program to offer two services to woman who are are struggling with that choice to make choosing life easier on them. We will either help connect the woman with families and help try and offset the costs of adoptions or help financially support these woman if they choose to keep the child.

I have joined this forum in attempts to get feedback from families and individuals who are interested in adopting so that we can make this process an easier one.

I look forward to hearing from many of you.

Blessings,

Fr. Nathan

[Sohmakun]

I'm a little confused... what do you want us to give you feedback on?

[FathernNathan]

Originally Posted by Sohmakun

I'm a little confused... what do you want us to give you feedback on?

Sorry that I was not more clear. I'm hoping to get feedback from people who are wanting to adopt or who have adopted to learn how we could make our program more affective and useful to families.

[shy_bear]

I didn't realize people working with prospective mothers even used the term "putting your baby up for adoption" The first step would be to educate yourself on correct terminology; expectant parents make an adoption plan for their child

[EZ2Luv]

Color me confused???? Convicted?? What exactly are you? What is the name of your program? Is there a website? I am not sure you are permitted to post a link here, but I am however quite interested. Feel free to PM me with any information.

EZ

[wellnow]

Although I too would like to see a website or something with more information, I have heard my pastor use the term "convicted" before...it basically means the wrong deeds, motives, etc which were comfortable to say and do before the time of conversion, now is uncomfortable, a conviction that that 'sin' is wrong. You faith in Christ should grow stronger when you are convicted...

[crick]

Guys...here's an opportunity to educate and support. We always talk about reform in adoption processes and here is a great opportunity to let someone know how they can have a successful, ethical, and supportive program.

Instead of biting, perhaps use this opportunity to gently guide...

[FathernNathan]

Hey everyone. Its obvious I did not post enough information when I opened this thread.

The reason I am on this forum is because I do not know the lingo about adoption. I simply am a priest who has a desire to connect the dots between my pro-life work and helping families who want to adopt.

I am sorry if I offended anyone in anyway.

Here is a website that was put together by some friends of mine. This website is mainly geared towards the college crowd and its main focus is towards abortion prevention but it does go into a bit of detail about our overall goal CLICK HERE. I hope you find it helpful.

I am simply looking for advice and feedback on how we can avoid becoming just another problematic part of the adoption process and actually be of help to families wanting to adopt.

May God bless you.

Father Nathan

[Gwen72]

Hello FR Nathan and welcome to the boards. I assume you have social workers and psychologists in your congregation. The social workers could volunteer to guide a young lady to resources like WIC, medicaid, a womens shelter, transitional housing, rehab, adult education classes and other programs that might help her be in a position to provide for her baby. She should be able to explore all her options for keeping her baby. You could also open a daycare to help her go back to school or go to work so she can help herself and her child. If these do not work out or it is her decision to place the baby for adoption then the psychologists or other mental health professionals could give her pre and post adoption counseling to help her deal with that decision. These are just some of the ideas I have off the top of my head. I hope they point you in the right direction and I'm sure you will get lots of other great ideas from the other members here. Good Luck with your efforts!

[cetalley]

I cannot comment now , on my perspective, but we are all willing to hear, your suggestions. I am a PRO-PARENT, so really have no suggestions for adoption. I have had the experience of all 3...parenting...abortion...and adoption, so I do not know how valuable my opinion is! My husband is do home and need to fix supper, I will see , in time, what others offer, if then I feel I can be of some sort of help I will. Good Luck!

[4everwaiting]

Hi Fr Nathan,

Welcome to the boards! I'm not sure what type assistance or information you are looking for but I'll be happy to answer questions from my perspective as a potential adoptive parent (PAP)...

Here you will find knowledgable people from all sides of the adoption triad.

For myself, I read a lot of post before I jumped in, as I didn't want to offend anyone with my lack of knowledge of adoption and proper terminology. Sometimes I still occasionally use the wrong wording or terminology, but am quickly corrected (usually nicely) lol...
Believe me if you offend someone, they will let you know about it, but most mean no harm!

Welcome, look forward to hearing your thoughts!

Sandra

[joskids]

My first thought is that it's about time that those who claim to be pro-life (the Catholic church) really support an expectant woman who needs the help. I am a Catholic but I think the church has been lax in this regard. It's so easy for a priest, or anyone who has not experienced having to choose between abortion/parenting/adoption - to tell someone else what they should do. So on that end, Father, I respect what you are doing.

First of all, please use the terminology "place a child for adoption" not "put up" for adoption. It's not acceptable these days.

I come to this board as a woman who gave birth 4 times, was divorced, was a single mother. My young daughter gave birth at the age of 18, parented, made a wonderful life for herself and her daughter. And I'm also, obviously, now an adoptive mother.

Any direct questions you have, you can PM me and I'll be glad to try to answer them. The folks on this board are wise beyond belief, truly. We all have varied experience with infertility, adoption, pregnancy, the "first mothers" of our children, open adoption, foster parenting, etc. It's probably a good place for you to start. Some of us may be religious, some not at all - all of us, though, value life and understand fully the blessings that we have thru adoption. Some of us are quite conservative, others are very liberal. We're an interesting bunch.

Don't assume that because a woman chooses life for her child and goes on to place her child for adoption, that she doesn't suffer the consequences of that choice, throughout her lifetime. It's a choice I would have been too selfish to make but am blessed to have met women who feel otherwise. Don't assume that giving a single mother a load of diapers, a crib, a playpen and a stroller, will really ever significantly be enough. She needs strong, strong support, finances for daycare, possible finances for an education, etc. She will also need to be counseled by other women who have placed children for adoption, to get a true picture of what she is facing, if she makes that selfless choice.

Just my thoughts. Hope they help.

Josie

[4everwaiting]

Originally Posted by joskids

Some of us are quite conservative, others are very liberal. We're an interesting bunch.

Don't assume that because a woman chooses life for her child and goes on to place her child for adoption, that she doesn't suffer the consequences of that choice, throughout her lifetime. It's a choice I would have been too selfish to make but am blessed to have met women who feel otherwise. Don't assume that giving a single mother a load of diapers, a crib, a playpen and a stroller, will really ever significantly be enough. She needs strong, strong support, finances for daycare, possible finances for an education, etc. She will also need to be counseled by other women who have placed children for adoption, to get a true picture of what she is facing, if she makes that selfless choice.

Just my thoughts. Hope they help.

Josie

Well said Josie!

[wellnow]

I agree...excellent post Josie!

[Saya]

Originally Posted by joskids

Don't assume that because a woman chooses life for her child and goes on to place her child for adoption, that she doesn't suffer the consequences of that choice, throughout her lifetime. It's a choice I would have been too selfish to make but am blessed to have met women who feel otherwise. Don't assume that giving a single mother a load of diapers, a crib, a playpen and a stroller, will really ever significantly be enough. She needs strong, strong support, finances for daycare, possible finances for an education, etc. She will also need to be counseled by other women who have placed children for adoption, to get a true picture of what she is facing, if she makes that selfless choice.

Just my thoughts. Hope they help.

Josie

Wow Josie, you hit the nail on the head!

I am a mom through adoption, and I came to this board to share with other potential adoptive parents going through the same process. But I have learned LOADS here through the amazing women on this board who themselves relinquished their babies for adoption, whether they did it yesterday or 25 years ago. I have learned that women who choose to place their babies for adoption rarely just "get over it" - it is an incredibly difficult decision with real emotional consequences which are sometimes lifelong. And I have learned that no woman should be pressured to place their baby for adoption because they "owe" it to some infertile couple. Not that that's what you are trying to do, but after reading your website occasionally I felt like you were pushing adoption as somehow an "easier" and/or "charitable" option for a woman in a crisis pregnancy. It is not easy, and shouldn't be a decision made out of charity.

(There are even some women who placed their child in adoption who have said that it might have been emotionally easier to have gotten an abortion - just food for thought.)

All that said, I really appreciate the effort you are making to move beyond the pro-choice/pro-life debate to some of the crucial underlying issues. I agree that it is a good thing to make adoption more financially affordable. And I certainly believe that a key part of the puzzle is to ensure that any woman who finds herself pregnant has the supports and the services she needs both during and after the pregnancy. I would also say that a key to this is to work to remove the stigma of pregnancy when you are unmarried - something we as a society are still far away from.

And finally, as a person who was unable to have children biologically, I prefer the term infertile to "sterile" (used on your website) which makes me sound like a mule . .