[crick]

National Adoption Awareness Month - Nov 13, 2008. Ideas to Celebrate Adoption Awareness Month

Today is "Share your Adoption Story" day!

I always love to hear how things happen for others creating their families and would love for people to post here and share!

[crick]

I posted this before years ago I think, but figured I'd start things here today by sharing again.

"A Post It Note Can Change Your Life"

As an adoptive mom, one doesn’t necessarily prepare for her child the traditional way. And yet, the anticipation, the dreams, the “what if’s”, the excitement and even the fear are still there. And there’s always the day you find out you will become a mom…don’t think that is ever forgotten.

I got the mail one spring day and amongst the usual bills and junk was a letter from the adoption agency. I was expecting some paperwork to sign, so at first glance the letter wasn’t a big surprise. Stuck inside that letter though was a picture of 4 children with a little post it sticky saying, “Thought you might be interested”.

I laughed. 4?? I have no kids at all and you think I want 4? At the same time? I looked at that picture again, put it down, picked it up, put it down, had a glass of wine… Then figured I’d just leave it out on the table for dh to see first thing when he arrived home from work. He saw it alright! The blood rushed from his face and he looked at me like a deer caught in headlights. “4? OMG! 4? Are you nuts?”

Thus began our adoption journey of our little ones, who were 5,4,3&2 years of age. We met their social worker and discussed some of the background, bparents, and possibility of some issues. Deciding to forge ahead was relatively easy now that I think back on it. I mean really, once you say to yourself “4 kids at once is doable”, you pretty much think anything after that will be a cakewalk, right?

After a couple months of visits and transitioning, our kids moved in forever. That day was a mixture of happiness and sadness for them. They were happy to be with us and yet sad to leave their foster home and the people who cared for them. And even with the visits to our home, everything was still so new. New rules, city, house, rooms, beds, toys, not to mention new parents! It was a challenging beginning trying to balance out the new with the old, set up a routine, try to bond with all of them both individually and as a group. Think we established more than a few routines that first month, after discovering some things just didn’t work. How would I know on the first day that brushing your teeth in the upstairs bathroom would create a temper tantrum? Yet going potty up there was perfectly fine? Or getting them all breakfast at the same time before getting a cup of coffee would be so hard? **Note: ALWAYS get the coffee first!

And yes, we’ve had our share of “special” challenges to overcome. One does not go into this thinking “love is enough”. Or if you do, then I strongly recommend you have a back up plan. My daughter especially has given me many a trying day making me delve into the most creative type of parenting I can come up with. Some days it works, and some days it doesn’t. My youngest son was so sad from the time we met him and for a few months after. Little by little, though he started to bond and I’ll never forget the first time my baby smiled a huge grin at me. My oldest son asked the same questions over and over again to ensure my answers would stay the same. And then there was my middle boy who had no place at all within the group. So many additional things to overcome, all while learning how to be just a parent too.

Things have calmed down a lot and we are 6 years into our family. Life is pretty normal for the most part. My definition of calm though probably differs from a lot of other people’s definition. If I can get through the day and still have some band aids left, at least one toilet is still functioning, the dog’s toenails have not been painted pink, I remembered to wear shoes when leaving the house, it only took 10 min. to decide where they were going to sit in the car, I only heard “uh-oh” a few times, they actually brushed their teeth and not just ate some toothpaste, wash their hands (WITH soap), I didn’t hear “here, try this” except at the dinner table, and the bug collection has remained in it’s special box OUTSIDE, well, we had a pretty calm day.

So yah…I might be a little nuts, which seems to be the general question I get asked when they find out I went from zero to 4 kids overnight. But I can’t imagine my family any other way. I am a proud momma and despite some days when “the dog bites”, I do know how lucky I am to parent these beautiful awesome kids.

And yes, I still have the sticky note I received that life-changing day. Just a little piece of paper…who would have thought all it would bring?

[loveajax]

Crick, what a beautiful story!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Fran27]

Mine is in my sig but I'll rewrite it some.

Adoption was always pretty foreign to me. Where I come from, it's not done much, and kids often end up in foster care. We hear about adoption of course, but I've never met anyone who adopted/was adopted. All I knew was that it could take years, so I never even considered it.

Then I met dh, we got married and we started TTC 5 years ago. I knew I always wanted to be a mom, dh wasn't too young anymore, so we didn't wait. We started seeing a doctor 9 months later, and that's when we learned that we would probably not be able to get pregnant unless we tried IVF... and they gave us a paper showing the fees.

I spent the following week in tears, thinking there is no way we could afford it, and I'd probably never be a mom. I had always wanted kids, and I had always be convinced that I'd be a SAHM... During the fertility treatments we did, I looked up some bulletin boards about IVF... and came to the adoption forum. When I realized that it was actually possible to adopt in this country, it's like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Maybe I could be a mom after all... It wouldn't be cheap, but at least it would be a sure thing....

So, I started talking about it to dh, and after a few months and more fertility treatments that didn't work, and a meeting at a local adoption agency, he was on board.

We had a long wait. During the 'honeymoon' period, when we got on the list, 5 months after we turned in our application paperwork, I bought a lot of baby things, read all I could about parenting babies etc. I thought I would die if we were still waiting a year later but I was somehow convinced that it wouldn't happen. Sure, we had some things working against us, but I had hope.

By the time we actually got the call, I wasn't thinking much about adoption anymore. I had taken a break and we even had our profile removed from the book for a while because I wasn't sure I could take the wait anymore. I didn't read or post on adoption forums much anymore. I was trying to keep myself busy and not think about it at all.

Then one Monday afternoon, it was 3.30pm, I was at home, bored. It had been 2 years and 3 months since we submitted the application. As often, dh had forgotten his cellphone, and it was lying on the desk. It rang. I was sure it was a wrong number again, but it was our social worker. Her first words were 'How are you doing? I have good news... You have twins!'. Honestly the rest was a blur. I just balled. I wrote down all the information as well as I could (I wasn't even sure if they were born the day before or the same morning) and all I could think of while she was talking was 'I need to call dh!!!!'. Dh, if I remember correctly, screamed 'yeah!' on the phone, and had all his coworkers wondering if he had lost it.

We didn't sleep much that night. We were so excited but beyond nervous. We drove 2 hours to see them the next day... They were just one day old, and so tiny (she was 3lb 5oz and he was 4lb 12oz at birth)... The birthparents didn't want to see us, they only told the agency to pick the family who had been waiting the longest, so we came after they had left. They were both beautiful, but it was so overwhelming that it took us a few days just to have the time to look at them and see their differences...

We drove there most days for 2 weeks, while trying to sleep, get things ready, not feel too guilty for only being able to stay there 1 hour at a time so dh wouldn't lose too many vacation days before they were even with us, and trying not to stress out too much waiting for the birthparents to sign the TPR... They took two weeks to do it. I was a basketcase, and we were at the hotel by the time it happened. At some point I was so scared I didn't want to go back to the hospital to see them so I wouldn't attach too much (the birthparents were not returning the agency's calls), but I guess it was way too late by the second time we saw them.

We had a few paperwork problems down the road but finally finalized 7 months later...

It's still weird to this day. They're exactly what I wanted from the start, and I wanted it so much that even now I often have problems relating to twins moms. Yeah, some days it's really hard, but I just couldn't be happier with my two amazing children.

Here's a recent pictures of them... I'm one proud mama

[kelceesmom]

I would love to share my story if it helps at least one person have peace in their journey.

Here it goes: We started out with infertility at about age 35. I should have known sooner that I couldn't get pregnant since I hadn't been on birth control for almost 15 years. We spent thousands of dollars trying to have a biological child. When the time came to move onto IVF and many thousands more and not a for sure thing we said. No, it is time to look at other options. We knew one day that we would adopt as my ex husband was adopted with his twin sister. Move forward a little bit. We signed with our facilitator had a call the day before Thanksgiving from an outside source. Beautiful 6 week old twin girls. Talk about love at first sight. Within days we saw such a change as they came from a not so good background. We had them with us a week. The bmom decided to take them home. We were crushed but it did give us clarity that we were on the right track.

2 months later we matched and now have a beautiful little girl. God, had a plan for us. I miss the twins terribly. I know he put them in our hands to keep them safe if only for a week. Life has moved forward and I have had many changes. Some for the better some not. I wish all of you peace and happiness in your journey.

[loveajax]

My DH and I started trying to conceive when we were married for two years....I had the "perfect" husband, the "perfect" job....and I couldn't wait to have my "perfect" children yada yada. When it didn't happen within a year and a half or so, I went to the doctors and started a long road of infertility treatments. Each time I didn't get pg, I was devastated.

Then I did get pg. I found out my expected due date was my dearly departed nana's 100th birthday. A sign from God! But it wasn't meant to be and I went thru a horrible miscarriage.

I was literally "kookoo" and just said to DH that I really wanted to explore adoption (DH is adopted as well). He was quite hesitant. The day we went to the agency for orientation, it was just "overwhelming" to think, maybe just maybe...I'll never forget the SW saying to me something that no doctor ever could, "You WILL be a mom." And I cried like a baby (I did a lot of crying in those days!).

Less than five months later we were "matched" with DD's birth parents. I'll never forget going to meet them and their daughter and having DD's birth mom give me her ultrasound picture. (More crying.).

Then we got "the" call from DD's birth mom. She was in labor and wanted us to come to the hospital (about an hour away). When we started driving, it was gray and rainy. As we started getting closer to the hospital, the sun came out. DD's birth mom asked if I would stay in for the L & D....I will never forget my daughter's first appearance in the world and I was asked to cut the cord. The nurse looked at me and looked at DD and said, "I can't believe it. You have the exact same dimples."

When I brought DD out to meet DH, he saw her and started bawling and I almost crumpled to my knees.

My daughter is the absolute love of my life. I never knew how deeply I could love someone until I met her. Every day she brings me joy (and sometimes pain!). I am so blessed and I don't take one thing...not one little thing...for granted. Oh, and DH, now "thanks God" for our infertility because he says he cannot imagine not being the Daddy to DD (she has him wrapped around her little finger!).

[Happy123]

As a foster parent, I never really imagined adopting. We were just looking at fostering...helping children until they could return home. We wanted a large family, but medically that was not possible.
It started out with a visit to our local CPS office to take a child for their visit. I had the sudden urge to use the restroom, decided not to, and walked away. I stopped halfway out and decided to go back. Guess who was sitting in the lobby? Our SW!!! We know they do not usually do that Lol. In all the three years we fostered, I never ran into her. Well, she very jokingly asked if we wanted a boy. We had 2 bio daughters and kept it at just girls. We were in the process of moving three hrs away (my husband had already left). I said, "Sure." She looked at me in shock and asked if I was serious, as she was just joking. My oldest daughter asked when we could get him. I told her yes I was serious. She asked if I needed to call my husband. I told her no, he would be ok w/ it. She then went on to explain that he had a younger brother who was 2 1/2, and had multiple special needs. I agreed to take him to. All this time, I was confident that everything would work out. Well, to make a long story short...our 4 and 1/2 year old in now nine. We added their brother a year after we finalized...he was just 13 days old when we got him. To think, if I had not gone back into that office who knows where our sons would be today. The FM only wanted the special needs child, the grandparents had just given notice that day on the older child. My sons would not have grown up w/ each other. Our oldest had some serious behavioral issues and was bouncing from home to home ( four in 11 months). My agency had found a placement for him...but my SW said no that she wanted him placed with us. If we had not met our sons, I would not have the baby. I have enjoyed having the opportunity to stay at home with him since we picked him up. I did not have that opportunity with my girls. I truely believe that it was meant to be....and for that I am forever grateful!! MY life lesson: Listen to that inner voice...I try, but sometimes ignore it...later regret it when I don't listen.

[Sohmakun]

I'm loving all of these stories!!! Keep posting more!

[ourdreamcametru]

Dh and I didn't think we could get pregnant when we first got married so we checked with an agency and started filling out paperwork. About three month after we picked up the paperwork we found out we were indeed expecting. Our adoption plans were pushed by the wayside as we enjoyed our beautiful baby boy and again four years later when we had a second baby boy. Once our life got going with our two boys adoption was not talked about again. When our boys were 2 and 6 we decided our family was finished and dh had surgery to prevent any further pregnancies. Although we decided together to have no more children I still ached in my heart for a little girl to dress in frills and play dolls with, I prayed that if it was His will adoption would be placed on our hearts again and I would get my little girl. Five years to the day from dh's surgery a friend called and said that she knew how bad I wanted a little girl and that she knew of a teenage girl who lived near her and was expecting a baby girl in three months who was looking to place the baby with an adoptive family.We met "E" the next afternoon and 2 1/2 months later we were standing in the delivery room when our baby girl was born. Our God is an AWESOME God and prayers are answered!
Below are two pictures, one when our daughter was only two minutes old (after a VERY long day) and one taken this past weekend. She's a true blessing to our family!

[ocracoke]

I was sound asleep when the phone rang at 3:37am today. It has been such a long time since my phone has rung in the middle of the night. I use to have a job where that was a common occurance but I can safely say that it hasn't happened in about 2 years now. I was so sleep that I reached over and tried to hit the snooze button on my alarm -- at the same time I am swearing under my breath that it can not possibly be time to get up. And then the phone rang again and I realized that it was not my alarm but my phone. So I picked it up and looked at the caller ID. It was a 503 number. It was my agency. But who can trust their sleep fog induced eyes at this time of the morning. So I answered.

I had only been asleep for about 3 hours. I think I warned her that I have been known to have full conversations with people on the phone without waking up (lots of night time calls at my previous job) so I was scared I wouldn't remember that this was real. my case worker had said that she got off the phone with Ethiopia and dialed my number and after about a half a ring realized it wasn't just after midnight for me -- it was after 3am. But by that time she was too far into it and just let the phone ring. I would have been so upset to see that number on my caller id and have had a hang up.
After I got off the phone I turned off the light and crawled back in bed. Yeah right!! That so was not happening. So I got back up and putzed around the house until I saw my mom's light go on. I ran across the yard in my pajamas and walked into her house. This of course shocked her because the only person who hates mornings more then her is me. I tried to tell her that my daughter's birthday was December 9th but due to lack of sleep, sobbing, or the fact that neither of us is a morning person she just could not comprehend what I was telling her. And then watching us try to figure out how old she was was comical. "So that makes her 17 months?? No wait, 18 months? No I think it is 19 months," as we are counting on fingers and toes.

So I then got dressed and got ready for work. I decided to make calls on the way to work. I called my father's home and the phone just rang and rang and rang. Their answering machine didn't even pick up. My 16 year old sister must be on the computer and not paying attention to the call waiting. So I looked in my cell phone phonebook and found my stepmom's cell phone number. I called and my father answered (they work together so they commute together). I asked if he was driving and he said yes. I told him not to drive off of the road but that he was a grandfather. There was a bit of a pause and then he said, "Who is this?" I replied that is was Samantha. He said he didn't know a Samantha. And I said, "David??" And he said, "I think you have the wrong number." Are you kidding me?? When I got to work I finally found his work phone number and called him with the news. I swear the other person sounded just like my father. I may have been tired but I am not completely crazy.

Samantha

[crick]

Great stories everyone!! I think we forget to share them more often. All the challenges etc. people face are discussed more and of course with reason, but I do really love hearing all the great stories!

Keep them coming....

[crick]

Originally Posted by ocracoke

I called and my father answered (they work together so they commute together). I asked if he was driving and he said yes. I told him not to drive off of the road but that he was a grandfather. There was a bit of a pause and then he said, "Who is this?" I replied that is was Samantha. He said he didn't know a Samantha. And I said, "David??" And he said, "I think you have the wrong number." Are you kidding me?? When I got to work I finally found his work phone number and called him with the news. I swear the other person sounded just like my father. I may have been tired but I am not completely crazy.

Samantha

Somewhere out there is a guy still wondering if he's a grandfather and how the heck did that happen! LOL!

[minibus]

I love adoption stories!

I'll try to make ours short(er).

It never occurred to us that we wouldn't be able to conceive a child. In ART treatment, DH had surgery, we tried IUI, we tried IVF/ICSI, we tried donor sperm. I finally got pregnant, only to lose the baby in the 2nd trimester. Before our last ART attempts, we started to look into adoption. I didn't know if I could bond with a child who didn't look like me, a child who didn't come out of my body, a child who wasn't what I pictured in my head, as I had been picturing since I was young. When we got pregnant, we stopped our adoption process. When I miscarried, I knew that I couldn't go through that again. I wanted a family and I didn't want to live with "what if I miscarry late again?"

We literally re-started our adoption process within a day or two of my miscarriage. I wanted to look forward rather than dwelling on the past.

We finished our homestudy MUCH more quickly than I had thought we would and we actually waited for a couple of extra months to go active.

We got several calls (one even before we officially went active) over the next couple of months. I was heartbroken the first time we agreed to be showed as PAPs and the expectant mother chose another PAP. We were matched in 3 months and got a call a few days later that the EMom had given birth that day, rather than on her due date - which had been given to us as 6 weeks down the road! We flew to the birth state, telling close family and friends all about our prospective child. We spent 3 days in the hospital with Baby and then the adoption plan fell through and the baby had to go into the foster care system. I cried for days, crying when I thought I had no tears left.

Another month of possible situations went by. We would get called and then nothing would come of the situation. We got called one day about a pair of siblings - a 3 month old boy and a 20 month old girl. We talked about it and said "Why not? We said we were open to siblings, and we would get a boy AND a girl!" We didn't hear anything for more than a week. We basically gave up and figured we'd wait for the next situation. We figured that the PBM had gone to the agency, feeling overwhelmed and wasn't interested anymore, having gotten her life back under control.

About 10 days from the first call, we got another call from our worker, saying that the PBM's agency was again asking if we were interested. We didn't know why they were asking again. We again stated our interest.

It was another couple of days before we heard from them again. They said that the PBM was scheduled to sign in two days! We were excited again, but wary. We had gone through this a month ago, sure that that PBM would sign. We had traveled to the same place, rented the same car, stayed in the same hotel and come home with nothing but broken hearts and baby supplies for which we had no use.

We got to the birth state and did some quick shopping, never having conceived that we could possibly get TWO children, one a toddler, no less!

The next day, we awaited the call from the PBM's social worker. With each passing second, I was SURE that she would call and tell us that the PBM hadn't showed up, had changed her mind, wanted time to think about it. We waited and waited and waited. We finally got the call to come to the office and were told that the birthmom had signed TPR.

We met OUR children a couple of minutes later. Our son was sucking down a huge bottle of formula (typical of him!) and our daughter was taking her shoes on and off (to this day, one of her favorite activities!).

Four months later, here we are. We are a family. Today, on our daughter's 2nd birthday, we received notification that their birth father's rights were terminated in court yesterday (via advertisement)! We will finalize early next year, but these two quirky, adorable children are ours. They don't look anything like me, they don't look anything like the children I had pictured for so many years, but they ARE my children, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[HappyHopefulMommy]

I love these. This is kind of fun. I will make mine as short as possible.

When we decided to have kids, it took us 20 months to conceive our bio daugther. We started trying again when she was 18 months, conceived right away and miscarried at 12 weeks. After a few more years of TTC we decided to a adopt. We first went with domestic infant adoption. After 2 years of waiting with them, lots of "almosts" and 2 failed placements - including one where we were in touch with the emom for 5 months, then she gave birth and never contaced us or our agency. We ended up feeling guided to do fost/adopt.

It took 6 months to be approved and by this point our bio daugther was almost 8. We now wanted a young sibling group. Six months later while on vacation, driving through Yellowstone, we got THE call. We were selected for a sib set of 3, ages 3, 5 and 6. We finished our vacation, got home and met them 4 days later. We saw them every day for 5 days and then they were ours forever.

Fast forward 3 1/2 months (to just this week); we get another phone call that the kids worker wants to place their younger brother with us. And tomorrow we start that transtion.

[aclee]

Is there anyone on Earth that doesn't know ours? I think not...but just in case....

After "TTC" for about a year...maybe less can't remember. Wasn't a real eventful "TTC" time for us cause I stopped ovulating almost as soon as we were "trying"...stress rules my body! Just about the same time I actually started ovulating again, I decided I had enough and I needed some CONTROL....I'm sure that's a real shocker for most of you right?? So we came back around and started talking about adoption...again. But this time, we were really through...we wanted to be parents, so in September of 2007 I began researching homestudy agencies with the furiousity that I do anything important to me. In Early October 2007, we decided on one and started our homestudy process. We completed everything but our last homestudy visit to our house by mid November, and we dragged our feet on that one, making last minute home repairs...afraid like many that our home wasn't good enough. In the end it was, and despite many set backs on our time line (our SW mom was struggling near the end of a fight with terminal cancer) we trudged along and had in hand our approved homestudy on December 19, 2008. I dreamed of a miracle baby by Christmas, and set about viciously hunting down every situation that was in our budget...thankfully there were many and they kept me busy, and emotionally exhausted. I recall speaking with relatives on Thanksgiving (before we were even approved) and filling them in on FIVE situations we were submitted on all of whom were due before Feb 1st. None of those worked out and as Christmas drew nearer, I felt my dreams of a Christmas baby slipping away...chaulking it up to one more thing I didn't "get" when I wanted...WAH! right? Never the less the day after Christmas I was crying my eyes out, sure we would wait forever and never find a baby and I would never be a mom...ever.

January 26, 2008 I attended, and helped run a bridal shower for a good friend. I did all the flowers and made some food, and it was a great day. I returned home at about 5:00 after skipping out on hitting the local bars to go home to DH. I walked in the door and DH says...There is a bird in the garage, got stuck in the glue trap but I freed it...might be hurt. ...goes back to playing a computer game... (as IF!) So I trek out the garage with a small box intent on catching the bird and seeing what I can do. Let me tell you that little thing has some determination. Could barely hop cause her little feet were all wrapped in glue, but she hopped with all her heart to stay away from me...squeezed out the garage door to get away even. So I banged on the front door to rouse DH from his computer and make him aid me in the search and rescue and we followed the little thing all around the neighborhood. She hopped and hopped and hopped, but didn't fly, so I knew she needed me and I was relentless. About 5 minutes later, we finally cornered her against a neighbors house and dropped a kitchen towel over her and picked her up. I carried her inside and DH kenneled the dogs so they wouldn't eat her if she got away. I called an animal rehabilitator I knew of and she said to use warm soapy water and a Q-tip to gently clean all the glue off her beak, and feet. That if she was still alive in the morning, I could bring the bird to her. So for an hour that night I sat in the bathroom with Q-tips, warm water and dish soap working away on this little thing. After about 10 minutes, I was finally able to free her beak and it was MANY more minutes as I worked on her little feet. I was determined for her to make it through the night. And she did. We identified her as a Carolina Wren and named her Gwen. Gwen the Wren. Made sense to us! The next day, in the middle of a snow storm we set out with the 4 wheel drive to travel 1.5 hours away to safely deliver Gwen to the rehab facility. 1/2 way through, my cell phone rang. I juggled Gwen's little box, and my purse and managed to drag it out. It was the Utah agency. Great...an otherwise sweet day was about to be ruined. We had decided we wouldn't accept a Utah situation where a Bmom had flown out to UT for the birth. It didn't sit right with us, and now we were going to have to tell them why. But we didn't. THIS bmom wasn't in UT (which they presented like it was a BAD thing!) and would we still consider being submitted under these very strange circumstances? Could we get RIGHT on a plane and be there tomorrow? Were we ready for an immediate baby? I put her on hold and asked DH what he thought. He said...she's not in Utah? I said, No. He said, can we afford it? I said...I'm pretty sure. He nodded excitedly. I told her to fax our profile. She said she and a few other workers were making calls, they expected the bmom to make her choice quickly, since she would be discharged tomorrow. I said we would wait for her call. We dropped off Gwen, and could barely speak. It was SO different than anything else. It wasn't the only baby born situation we had submitted on, but it was different...SO different. We couldn't even talk to each other we were so scared that we would jinx it. In my head I was already wondering how expensive airfare would be. A short eternity later, she called back. I was almost gagging as I answered the phone, sure I would throw up if this wasn't our baby. But it was. Apparently the bmom was nice enough to say kind things about all the other couples, and each time she said something nice, they would say, So you want Blank and Blank and she would say...ummm...no. Move on, say something nice about the next couple, again...no I don't want them...then at the very end she said...they were all nice, but I definitely want Aclee and her DH.

So...the night before, as I was tending a sick little tiny bird, who wouldn't have lived had I not spent some serious time on the edge of the tub with about 1,000 Q-tip, my son was being born. Ty was born at 6:04 PM.

We feel Gwen was a huge part of our adoption story...4 weeks later (after a whole OTHER story with DH's heart) we traveled back to the rehab facility, picked Gwen up and brought her home. I held Tyler while Dh opened the box, and we all watched as Gwen took off..Good as new with her brand new feathers...

We told her to stay the heck out of the garage though...