[akcskye]

I came into the school this morning with my son and daughter for their basketball practice.

We have home games tonight and I was going to help set up whatever we had that needed to be in our slow cookers to get warm be ready by this afternoon.

Well the coach was passing out the kids new shooting shirts, of which, I did not buy because the kids never sent me home an order form, and she had bought 2 of them for my kids.

Fine, I'll pay her...no problem there...she was nice enough to think of me and do it out of her own pocket.

HOWEVER, the kids got to have personalized stuff on the back. My sons says his first initial and last name.

Again, NO problem.

BUT, my daughter's says "Twinki 2"!!!

Okay, twinkie isn't even spelled right, for one. For 2, she has a good friend that people always thinks looks like her, but the friend is a very jealous little friend and always wants to be "first", so her shirt says "Twinki 1".

I did NOT authorize this, and had she told me that she was going to put that on her shirt, I'd have said NO, and she knows that.

The coach didn't think anything was wrong with it, saying 'well, the kids wanted to have some fun with it', but like I told her, 90% of the other kids just have their last name and/or an initial on theirs, so I'm NOT going to have my daughter going around in a shirt saying Twinki 2, and she knows I'd have said no had I known about it.

To me, it's fine to be called a nickname...but it's another to have a "put down" on your shooting shirt...when you're supposed to be viewed as a serious athlete.

UGH...the small stuff...sweat this one and stand by my opinion or let her wear the shirt and me forever be resentful of it?

The coach will let her wear one that has a blank back if I choose, and that's what I want, not everyone's is personalized and I'm tired of them always pairing my daughter and this girl together...the girl is a great girl, no problem...but many times the pairing and comparisons hold MY kid back.

Her friend wants to be a diva, and any time she "cutes up" for a game, her performance suffers...and I don't want that same affect on my daughter...and it does happen when they try to "twinkie up". UGH

LOL thanks for the vent.

[wellnow]

I would ask my daughter how she feels about it and which one she wanted to wear...if you know that it bothers her to be called "twinki 2", then I'd opt for the blank jersey...

[akcskye]

I'm sure my daughter would want to wear the mis-spelled, nicknamed jersey, thinking it's "cute".

It's not cute. My daughter is not a Twinkie to R...she's K and she's the best basketball player on the team (by stats...I'm not a blind parent...she constantly has the most rebounds, points, and assists), and needs to quit being 2nd to that girl just because she wants to remain her friend.

This has been a long brewing issue...my daughter is like I was at her age...a peacekeeper...to the point of suffocating herself just to keep a friend...and I don't want my daughter making mistakes I did (always playing up how good my friends played to the point that I almost made myself look bad so my friends wouldn't get jealous, etc).

I guess being I've been dealing with this so long is why something that is "just a shirt" to most anyone who would read this, is a "final straw" to me. haha

There is truth to the saying "nice guys finish last" and she's got too much going for her to finish last, if that makes sense.

Originally Posted by wellnow

I would ask my daughter how she feels about it and which one she wanted to wear...if you know that it bothers her to be called "twinki 2", then I'd opt for the blank jersey...

[Stormster]

I personally would probably want to reward E for outstanding athletic performance by ALLOWING him the freedom to choose what goes on his shirt.

I believe also that most kids will rebel at some point if you take away their freedom of expression.

I'm sure some day I'll have to eat my words when E shaves his head or gets a tattoo. But I seriously would let her have fun with this. She sounds like a great kid!

[startedover]

I own a sporting goods store and we "label" jerseys all the time. Thing one and thing two. we actually did one recently that was brat 1 and brat 2. I don't think the number 2 people are meant to be put down. usually the girls doing this want to be recongized as "best" friends or some sort of bond . If your daughter is happy with it, I believe I would let her go with it. If not she may feel you are not letting her make her own decisions. It may be important to her to feel a bond with a "sisterly' figure. However, if you decided that you just don't want it, there is a chemical the store that did it can probably take it off with.

[shy_bear]

I don't see the big deal; my daughter is 10. We are starting to go through the "change" I see it not only in her body, but her likes/dislikes, and attitude. My daughter plays volleyball and if SHE wanted this on her jersey I would not have a problem with it. I stand firm on if they are a good student and overall good kid let them express themselves.

[crick]

I remember when I started going by Crick and while it was a family nickname, my mom didn't intend for that to be a nickname outside of the family. I wanted my letter jacket to say Crick instead of my name and she was not happy about that. She let me know why and her opinions on it, but in the end, it was my decision.

I think as a parent, one of our transitions is from "all control" to "less control" and choosing the battles to fight on that element. Our kids are going to make decisions we do not like and yet if we don't allow them to make their choices, how are they going to learn to do it and learn to make the right ones for themselves?

Twinki is not spelled right because that's the way things are when you are a teen. Remember how we spelled "2cute4u"? and other things like that? It's not "cute" to us adults but it's not supposed to be. lol!

I do understand where you are coming from on not wanting her to be less than she is or stay with a friend who really isn't a friend etc. But again...these really are things kids learn on their own. We can talk to them about it and we can point things out, give examples of our mistakes etc., but in the end, it's got to be her choice. My take is that eventually things have a way of happening where kids do realize "You know...she really isn't my friend after all".

If you don't want to pay for the shirt with this nickname, that is your right too. Maybe tell her if she wants the shirt with the nickname, then she will need to pay for it?

[Wisdom]

Yes, I would be annoyed that at 12 years of age (that's your dd's age, right?) she didn't ask me first since I'm paying for it. Other than that I don't think it's a big deal. If her friend is a bad influence that's another story, but it sounds like they're two typical girls having fun. The name is just a fun thing. And is it really spelled wrong? Maybe they spelled it that way on purpose...you know to be different. I think it's cute.

[nikkianni]

Originally Posted by crick

Twinki is not spelled right because that's the way things are when you are a teen. Remember how we spelled "2cute4u"? and other things like that? It's not "cute" to us adults but it's not supposed to be. lol!

Very true. It's the same thing as "wanna" "wasup," etc. They did it on purpose because it's cool. (I promise, it is). I wouldn't worry about it.
And honestly, I wouldn't worry about the connotation that the number 2 implies to you. It probably doesn't mean the same thing to your daughter. And if it does, not allowing her to wear the shirt isn't going to change that.
It will only send the message that mom just doesn't get it.
Maybe ask her why she's number 2? It'll be more likely to open up a dialogue than banning the shirt out of hand.

[arkansas parent]

No advice just wanted to vent about " twinkie". I don't know who came up with this word for TWINS. We are not TWINKIES. My twin sister and I were called this all through school. We hated it. It's just sounds stupid. We are also not siamese (sp?) twins, bobsy (sp?)twins and I we can't feel each others pains. And most of all we have never tired to trick our boyfriends/teachers/mother/or husbands. Yes people acually think we would try to trick our HUSBANDS, gross.
I have been dying to get that off my chest every since school had "twinkie" day a few weeks ago

I forgot we don't speak a secret language,either

[karenw]

I have less of an issue with the idea of matching nicknames or number 2 than I do with the name "twinki". I am very sensitive to the need to be "feminine" that creeps into girls' psyches at this age. Lots of research shows that at this age girls' academic prowess diminishes with the onset of puberty (esp in Math and Science). There is huge overt and subtle pressures on girls in our society to be beautiful and skinny. Although there are a lot of improving messages this one in sports really bothers me.

My daughter was on a soccer team at age 6 that was called the Cuties. We pushed hard for that to be changed for this very reason. It is fine when they are 6, but at 12 (the teams often keep the name for years) it is not what I want on my kids' jersey. It demeans the equality of the female athlete to have to be cute and bubbly to succeed.

Stepping sheepishly off my soapbox, but this kind of issue really gets me going!!!
Karen

[joskids]

I guess I'm the only one here who doesn't think you're being too strict to not allow her to wear the shirt. I would probably go so far as to get another shirt with another name on it, one that is acceptable to you and to her also. I understand why you feel the way you do.