[Stormster]

When I was going through the motions but not connected emotionally much of the time I spoke to my husband and my friends here but I don't think I told too many people IRL about it.

[Leigh131313]

Honestly Miss - I didn't struggle with that particular issue in regards to my son. however, If I were you I would definitely not be sharing it with just anybody. And that's a tough one for me cuz I am a HUGE blabber mouth....and when things are wrong, the more I talk about it the better I feel...BUT...in this case I wouldn't. Just because I wouldn't want anyone to taint my future relationship. You very well might be back on track in - lets just say for arguments sake - 4 months...Well, do you think maybe forever your friend may think of you as "not bonded" and see evidence of it all the time (you know what I mean, we all have our less than stellar moments as mom's)

I think I'd just hate to be painted with that brush...ESPECIALLY if that person is not involved directly with adoption. Sometimes the average person just doesn't understand adoption issues.

[portlowski]

I totally get it. We brought our son home at 10 days old. I was at the hospital when he was born. He was 5 weeks premature, red, scrawny, he seemed like a fragile little stranger. The look in his birthmom's eyes when she saw him was one of pure love and total joy. I felt so guilty for "taking" him from her. I felt a huge responsibility...beyond just parenting him, I needed to not screw up because his first family had entrusted him to me.

As I took care of him, our bond grew, slowly. "Fake it til you make it" was my mantra. Every month I felt more real, more like his mom.

Even up until a year old I occasionally felt like the baby sitter.

He is now almost 2 and something totally transformative and magical has happened. I am absolutely totally bat-s@#t insane about this kid...I can't wait to see him if I have been away for an hour! Tonight I took him to see some African drumming and in the middle of dancing around he ran over to me and kissed me and then jumped up and started dancing again. A moment like that is so precious to me because I can't believe there was a time I didn't feel completely attached to him.

Give it time, try to do activities that connect you. For instance, I started taking a bath with my son when he was old enough to sit in the water. Just splashing around with him, bathing him and having that skin to skin contact was a great way for us to bond.

And kudos for reaching out...I think that is so important.