[SupaModel]

So we finalized 2 weeks ago and although I am beyond happy there is a part of me that still feels nervous that somehow he can be taken away. I know it's crazy but I guess I worried for 7 mos about it so maybe it takes a little while to sink in???

Also in our situation the bdad never responded to any attempts to get in touch with him. When he heard bmom was preggers he just told her to get an abortion and he never called her again. She told him she wouldn't do that but he still never called her. I guess am worried if he shows up at some point saying he never knew etc... We placed ads in papers, sent letters to him etc... but nothing.

Am I just being a worry wart? Will I chill out after it sinks in? HELP!!!

[finallyamom0310]

I know exactly how you feel. Bdad wasn't known for us and ads put in the paper by law requirements and although the state said if he didn't come forward before the 4 month part then his rights were gone, I am still nervous today that BMom figures out who it is, tells him and then we lose DD. She has been with us almost 20 months now and I still fear this. Not sure it will ever completely go away.

[Stormster]

Supa the birth father cannot take the baby away. Even if he had shown up pre finalization he would almost certainly not have been able to as he abandoned her during the pregnancy.

And now no way.

Enjoy your baby. He's YOUR baby 1,000 percent!

[Ann07]

I had all of those fears too......it just doesn't seem real. I was reassured by everyone, but still felt a little nervous. In some states after the adoption has been final for a year nobody can contest it NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES. That made me feel better, but in the history of our agency and after talking to my lawyer no body has ever won a contested case in our state after finialization.......infact no body has ever contested after finialization.

Look at your state law, I can rehearse mine.......you are fine enjoy YOUR son!

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by Stormster

Supa the birth father cannot take the baby away. Even if he had shown up pre finalization he would almost certainly not have been able to as he abandoned her during the pregnancy.

And now no way.

Enjoy your baby. He's YOUR baby 1,000 percent!

You know how I am stormster. Crazy lady I just called the agency and asked them too. The owner said in the 20 yrs she's being doing it only happened once when the bdad came back saying he didnt know. She said the judge also through out his case in that situation too.

I found bmom facebook page and saw that he's listed as her friend on there. I thought that was strange because she told us before that she didn't have a way to contact him. I look at his friends list and she wasn't on it. Maybe he deleted her?? I have no idea. Did she lie?? I guess I just have to go by what she said and get on with our lives.

Before i drive my self CRAZY!!!! Hahaha

[manni28]

Before i drive my self CRAZY!!!! Hahaha

Repeat after me: “All is well and I am enjoying this new life with my son".

Nothing is going to happen, your son is yours 250%-relax and enjoy your life!

-Manni

[nee18]

We don't finalize until next week, but I so get how you're feeling. Our son's bdad never came forward either. I'm finding that the closer we get to finalizing and everything being "official" the more I worry that something's going to go wrong. I know, for me, I think it's just the years we tried to conceive and then going through the lengthy and somewhat invasive adoption process, you get used to being poked and prodded (mentally and physically) and it seems too good to be true that it will all come to and end and we can truly just enjoy being a family (without home visits! ). We always knew our son was our son (as I'm sure is the case with you and your child-I think you've even said it in another post). I think it's just hard to imagine that you just get to enjoy your child being your child without anyone else's approval being needed. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you what everyone tells me, which is that you have nothing to worry about and to just enjoy your family. Easier said than done, right? If you've already finalized, I really think you can just breathe a sigh of relief, finally, and enjoy each day forward as a family.

[sheababy]

I don't think you have anything to worry about, relax!

However, our attorney insisted on terminating the bfathers rights. In are case there were 2 potential bfathers, one with last name unknown. I believe each state has it's own rules but for example, the bfather was sent a certified letter, didn't respond in 30 days, so petition for termination granted. In the case of no last name, ad put in paper, no response in 30 days, petition to terminate granted.

It sounds as if you may have already met the notification requirements, it may be worth it to contact an attorney to get it finalized for your peace of mind.

[loveajax]

supa, I am a supa (haha) paranoid person but finalization means just that....any risk is behind you now!I totally agree with what nee said....i think it's hard for those who struggled to really digest that the fear and proking and prodding are over...kinda like waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop!!i'm so happy for you!

[Fran27]

Aww Supa, relax, he's YOURS!!!! For the facebook page, my guess is he removed her when he found out she was pregnant and stopped contacting her... but she didn't remove him. I removed some friends also, and I probably still show in their list (although who knows, they might have removed me too).

[joskids]

The adoption of our youngest child was contested by her biological father (too late, thank goodness). But, even after nearly 3 years, I still have nightmares that she will be taken away. I just think these things take time and the fear of losing a child never completely goes away -- whether fear of loss from illness or injury or an adoption. Hang in there and try to just enjoy every day with your child. God put your child in your home and I have a feeling He knew what he was doing when he did so.

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by sheababy

I don't think you have anything to worry about, relax!

However, our attorney insisted on terminating the bfathers rights. In are case there were 2 potential bfathers, one with last name unknown. I believe each state has it's own rules but for example, the bfather was sent a certified letter, didn't respond in 30 days, so petition for termination granted. In the case of no last name, ad put in paper, no response in 30 days, petition to terminate granted.

It sounds as if you may have already met the notification requirements, it may be worth it to contact an attorney to get it finalized for your peace of mind.

Ours was the same way. We sent the certified letter and place an ad in a paper where he lived and we didn't hear anything so the judge terminated his rights.

Nee18 & Loveajax - you guys are soooo right. I NEVER thought in a million year that I would be in this place in my life and things are so good I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I called the agency owner who's also our lawyer and she said I should just relax and enjoy my son. She said more than likely nothing would ever come up but in the rare case it did we would just deal with it at that time. No need to stress over nothing that hasn't and most likely wont happen. I do feel better guys. Thanks for helping me. I was going to the dark place today

[aclee]

I don't think there is any way around the way you feel. I don't worry that Ty will be taken, but I did wonder if it was all "too easy" at one point...we had a bfather that signed etc...so even when it works, you still worry some.

Then I smacked myself up side the head and told myself to knock it off. You should do the same!

[Stormster]

I wouldn't expect to be the person saying this but after going through a failed placement LIVING IT and knowing the reality of it, I have zero (and I mean zero) fear of E being taken away from us.

I am not sure if this is the result of having "met" the proverbial Boogy man already or just knowing the law so well.

I'm sorry you guys still have fear but I don't think post finalization or in Aclee's case where the couple is still together and both consent that there is ANYTHING to worry about. It's so taxing to live with that. Please try to see it legally and not emotionally! I love you guys and don't want you to have that fear!

[loveajax]

storm, I was blissfully ignorant the first time around...really thought finalization was a mere formality (and I am a lawyer...doh!) we did have both sets of tprs within two weeks so that helped i'm sure.