[Gwen72]

Hey Guys! The social worker from the adoption agency we are working with got word from emom's DFS social worker that emom is actually planning on keeping the baby. She told the social worker that her family was going to help her keep him and have been buying things for him. When the adoption agency was informed of this they called her and asked her if they could put us back "on the list." She told them that she was comitted to adoption and had no idea what the DFS social worker was talking about. DFS thinks that she is using the adoption agency to get more services than she can from WIC and welfare. WIC and welfare cover housing, health care and food for her other children but our adoption agency has been helping with all her other bills since MAY. We all got together and compared notes and we've all been told different stories. DFS says that if she does not place this baby when it is born they will place it in foster care. Since we do not live in same state as emom and are not foster care liscensed, we would not get the baby if that happened. I would be crushed. We have decided to go "back on the list" and be shown to other girls considering adoption and baby born situations. Just in case she is not scamming the agency and us, we will still keep talking to this emom and do anything we can do to help her. When the baby is born, if she does decide on adoption we will be happy to adopt the baby and have an open adoption. We just don't think it's fair to us to not keep our options open when she is telling too many stories to too many people. She's obviously keeping her options open. I hope DFS is wrong about her. After all we've been through, I hope I haven't been scammed. We specifically went with an agency to avoid being scammed. I will keep you all posted and I hope to have better news soon.

[startedover]

Your baby will find you. Good luck. Prayers your way.

[Linny]

Gwen,
While I think I wouldn't continue to 'help' this emom out, I do think you're being wise to make yourself available for other emoms to consider. I hope your baby finds you soon. (((HUG)))

Sincerely,

Linny

[kellyjames]

Hi, Gwen

I think you're doing the right thing...the conflicting stories would have been concerned, too. I think you're wise to go back "on the list," and wait and see what happens. I hope you get some good news--whether about this baby or another one--soon.

Kelly

[Stormster]

Good luck Gwen. I think you are handling this the best way you can!

[mommieof2cuties]

I think the DCF working needs to make it clear to the pbmom that they will take the baby away from her. This is a huge issue we have with WIC and all other programs, (I am not saying all pbmoms do this) but it has been my experience working with teen moms (as a DCF worker) that they work the system and work it good! It is such a shame because in my case we couldn't talk about adoption with clients, we just removed and placed in foster care so I guess we avoided the drama that you are dealing with, but we did have higher child abuse rates, that my department was trying to cut back on, because many kept the babies just to get all the free things from the state like housing and WIC and Cash etc. We need change, we need reform, and we need it fast. Because, how I see it the people who really need WIC, reduced housing and cash help (those with pregnancy, jobs etc,) cannot get it because of those who milk the system! That is one of the reasons why I am opening my nonprofit, my focus is teens, but I am also helping the single moms who have jobs, schooling, baby and cannot get anything because they make too much. I do wish you luck, and your baby will find you! When you look back, adoption was formed to find a home for a baby that needed parents. fostercare was formed to help feed children whose parents had lost jobs and couldn't care for them, today so much has changed and it is so sad. We need to really take a good hard look at what we have all done and what we can do to fix this huge mess

[devildogwife]

Hang in there Gwen.

[finallyamom0310]

(((((Gwen))))), hugs to you while going through such a difficult time.

[loveajax]

Gwen, please don't take this the wrong way but huge red flags are going off for me and I am wondering if it simply makes sense to back away from this situation now (instead of leaving doors open, etc.). I also don't know if "you" are getting billed for the agency's assistance to her and I definitely would stop that as well if you are. Even though I have some serious red flags, I think she should probably be told that you are being shown to other couples, etc. I think it seems that she may not be telling the truth, but at least the agency can be honest with her here. I am soooo sorry you are dealing with this. Hugs, Karen

[minibus]

Sending you lots of support. We were in a similar situation ... the birth mother didn't sign TPR and thought the baby would be placed with relatives, but CPS was involved and so the baby went to foster care. I'm not sure if the birth mother understood that this would happen ahead of time, when she didn't sign. Like a PP said, I would encourage the DFS worker to make sure to be clear to the PBM about what will happen to the baby if she doesn't make an adoption plan.

Best of luck!

[jp4ga]

From someone who has been scammed, I would tread this water very carefully. The sad thing is that even if you use an adoption agency you can be scammed. We used an agency, and have gone through the most painful process. Keep your options open, and read the agency documents very carefully. And remember there IS a differnece between a bmom changing her mind and being a scammer.

[Gwen72]

Hello everyone and thanks for the words of encouragement. DFS states they cannot tell her they are prepared to put the baby in foster care if she does not place him because that could be seen as coercing her to place. The DFS social worker thinks this girl is a scammer but I am hoping she is mistaken. I have worked in the medical field for many years and I know we can get cynical and jaded. That is why we have opted to keep in touch with this emom and help her in any way. Ohio law states that hopeful adoptive parents cannot directly pay any emom expenses except medical bills and lawyer fees. We are not paying all the bills that our agency has paid for her but it will eventually make it's way to the agency's placement fees. Everyone using that agency will eventually pay for her if this turns out to indeed be a scam. I am going to choose to have faith that she is just exploring her options until she proves the DFS worker wrong beyond a shadow of a doubt. Thanks for the support everyone! I will keep you posted...

[mommamarci]

Gwen- I am sorry you are going through this honey. PM me or give me a call if you need / want to talk! Hang in there! Not too much longer and you will know one way or the other.

[Sohmakun]

Originally Posted by Gwen72

Hello everyone and thanks for the words of encouragement. DFS states they cannot tell her they are prepared to put the baby in foster care if she does not place him because that could be seen as coercing her to place. The DFS social worker thinks this girl is a scammer but I am hoping she is mistaken. I have worked in the medical field for many years and I know we can get cynical and jaded. That is why we have opted to keep in touch with this emom and help her in any way. Ohio law states that hopeful adoptive parents cannot directly pay any emom expenses except medical bills and lawyer fees. We are not paying all the bills that our agency has paid for her but it will eventually make it's way to the agency's placement fees. Everyone using that agency will eventually pay for her if this turns out to indeed be a scam. I am going to choose to have faith that she is just exploring her options until she proves the DFS worker wrong beyond a shadow of a doubt. Thanks for the support everyone! I will keep you posted...

I'm sending babydust your way Gwen. Keep holding on there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[Gwen72]

The baby was born today! It's a boy. He was 36 weeks gestation today but the emom has been having problems with blood pressure and the baby did not have enough fluid around him. DH and I have been talking to emom a few times a week since the original post. She had not told anyone else she was keeping the baby so I was hoping we had all had a misunderstanding. She had said that she wanted DH and I here for the delivery and for us to have unlimited access to the baby. DH and I both worked over 12 hours yesterday then drove over here (3 hours) got about 4 hours sleep and picked emom up at 7:00 this am. Everything was fine. Then her family showed up and she suddenly decided she wanted her cousin to be the only person to have access to the baby and get info from the doctors and nurses. The cousin even told her she thought we should have the unlimited access, but emom said she wanted the family to be able to see the baby. Now, we have been talking to her several times a week since September so she knows us very well and we are planning an OA including visits so she had no reason to think I would keep anyone from seeing that baby and I gently reminded her of this. She still refused to let the staff put DH and myself as the contact person. On the surface I would not have a problem with that but her family has not taken her to 1 appointment (there were three vehicles in the driveway when we went to get her this morning). They don't watch her daughter when she has an appointment and they wouldn't watch her daughter while she's in the hospital having this baby. One of the social workers from the agency is keeping her daughter for her through Sunday. They haven't lifted one finger for her but when the boy was born I had to go look at him through the glass with all the other visitors while the family got to meet him and the nurses couldn't tell me a thing. One nurse turned the paperwork and left it so I could see a few things but she was very discreet about it. Once the baby was born the family left. They were at the hospital about 1/2 hour total. DH and I (who had been there since 7:00am after getting 4 hours sleep) stayed so that when she came out of surgery I could tell her the baby was OK and let her know we were still there. The hospital social workers are upset, the agency people are upset, the recovery room nurse was even upset. The earliest mom can sign is Friday and we are going to stay here until then. I will let you all know if and when he is officially ours. Keep sending baby dust and prayers this way please!