[Fran27]

Gwen that really stinks, I'm sorry

[melissa_bear003]

Gwen, I'm so sorry.

See, this is the kind of thing that makes me just nuts about infant adoption. As far as I'm concerned, there should be some sort of legal contract stating that if Mom decides to parent, she's responsible to pay back every penny received by the paps. That would (I think) definately cut down on some of the emoms that are only out to scam people. While I fully understand that the emom has every right to change her mind, its also completely unfair that the paps are out thousands of dollars. There should be something in place to protect paps.

[meghann]

I'm so sorry, Gwen... Great big Internet hugs coming your way.

[reetoreet]

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Sending prayers your way!

[loveajax]

Gwen, I'm sorry for what you are going through. So sad. Hang in there! I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I know you must be really hurting. Thinking of you, Karen

[aclee]

Hang in there Gwen. Your baby WILL find you.

Take Care~

[Asha0314]

I'm so sorry, my thoughts are with you.

[KLL08]

Gwen, I am so very sorry this is happening to your family...you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope she changes her mind before tomorrow and if not I hope your baby is right around the corner.

[DancinBear63]

Sending thoughts and prayers your way!!

[MamaS]

Originally Posted by melissa_bear003

See, this is the kind of thing that makes me just nuts about infant adoption. As far as I'm concerned, there should be some sort of legal contract stating that if Mom decides to parent, she's responsible to pay back every penny received by the paps. That would (I think) definitely cut down on some of the emoms that are only out to scam people. While I fully understand that the emom has every right to change her mind, its also completely unfair that the paps are out thousands of dollars. There should be something in place to protect paps.

Melissa, you are so right! Parents who adopt internationally are always careful to say that they are not "buying a baby" but are paying for the services of an agency, a translator, a lawyer, a foster parent, etc. So, when thousands of dollars are paid out for the feeding, clothing, housing, and medical care of an expectant mother, what are they paying for? A lottery ticket? Maybe they will come up a winner, and maybe they won't. Maybe expectant mother has already made her decision to keep, or to give the child to someone in her family, but it is still legal for her to rake in the money -- all the way to the hospital.
And before any first moms jump me, do I think they should be coerced into giving up the baby because they have taken money? No, I do not. But I think they should be faced with the financial results of their decision. Raising a child costs money, starting with child birth. You want to raise your child - here is your bill. If you can get government help, or your family will help, or birth father will help, great! But you can't lie to a desperate couple and scam them into paying for you to parent. It just makes me so angry!

[Fran27]

Originally Posted by MamaS

Melissa, you are so right! Parents who adopt internationally are always careful to say that they are not "buying a baby" but are paying for the services of an agency, a translator, a lawyer, a foster parent, etc. So, when thousands of dollars are paid out for the feeding, clothing, housing, and medical care of an expectant mother, what are they paying for? A lottery ticket? Maybe they will come up a winner, and maybe they won't. Maybe expectant mother has already made her decision to keep, or to give the child to someone in her family, but it is still legal for her to rake in the money -- all the way to the hospital.
And before any first moms jump me, do I think they should be coerced into giving up the baby because they have taken money? No, I do not. But I think they should be faced with the financial results of their decision. Raising a child costs money, starting with child birth. You want to raise your child - here is your bill. If you can get government help, or your family will help, or birth father will help, great! But you can't lie to a desperate couple and scam them into paying for you to parent. It just makes me so angry!

I think paying back is not the solution... I can't imagine telling a woman 'you have to pay back $4000 if you want to keep your baby'. I just don't understand why paying any expenses is legal.

[EZ2Luv]

I totally agree MamaS. That is why some states have caps or prohibit PAPs from paying any type of money to emoms. I think there should be national laws. The whole system if you ask me, is flawed. Because every state has different laws in adoption it allows an open market if you will for these scammers. Not mention the costs of agencies who in some cases are just as money hungry. They know that these PAPs are desperate to be parents and they capitalize off of them costing them thousands upon thousands of dollars. I don't even want to hear about the adoption tax credit, to me that does not equate the loans, morgages and general expenses. .

Gwen, I am so sorry that your family had to endure this heartbreak. I generally like to think the best about people and would like to believe that this emom simply had a change of heart and decided to parent. That is great if that was her choice, but I don't believe for one second this emom was completely honest from the get go. If she was then she would not be ducking you.

Again, I am so very sorry. your baby is out there and will find his/her way into your arms. Believe that.

EZ

[melissa_bear003]

Originally Posted by Fran27

I think paying back is not the solution... I can't imagine telling a woman 'you have to pay back $4000 if you want to keep your baby'. I just don't understand why paying any expenses is legal.

I think that's an excellent idea. Prohibit paying any expenses.

I honestly don't get the expenses part to start with...then again, I'm Canadian, and don't have the health care issues that folks in the States do, with insurance, etc. But, I worked up until my due date with my kids that I was working when pg with. (My youngest, I was already at home) I don't understand how it is that I hear of paps paying for living expenses...I mean, they would and do exist before and after pregnancy.

And sorry, but I think if you change your mind about placing your baby, which is completely an emom's right, then you SHOULD be required to pay the money you received back. Its insane to me that someone gets a free ride, draining another's bank account, and can walk away without any consequences. Its stealing, imo.

[Stormster]

I don't think this is the appropriate thread to have this conversation and I'm kind of wondering where the moderator is to be honest.

[lovemy2boys]

Yes - I actually came back to edit my response for the same reason that Storm just said...