[court5505]

I've always been one that said I wouldn't volunteer the fact that my daughter is adopted to her teachers unless the need came up. Well next week is her first parent teacher conference. With the possibility of the up-coming adoption of #2, I'm wondering if I should mention it to her teacher. I don't want DD going to school talking about her baby sister and the teacher thinking she's crazy because I'm obviously not pregnant. Any suggestions?

[HappyHopefulMommy]

I think what ever you are most comfortable with. I have 3 fost/adopt kiddos in school. All the teachers know. But, my bio daugther has been at the school for 4 years so every one knows me and that we have been waiting to adopt. I think it would definitely be good to let the teacher know that you are hoping to adopt soon. But I do not know that that means the teacher needs to know that DD was adopted.

[HappyTwinsMom]

Everybody knows that my daughters were adopted - because they talk about it. And now that we may be getting their younger half-brother and half-sister, it's become even more of a topic of conversation.

I actually asked the girls one day if it bothered them when I mentioned their adoption to people. They both said "No, Mom, we think it's COOL!" So, that's that. Guess they really don't mind.

[Happy123]

I just casually mention it to the teacher. My son had a life time line to do that started at birth. Since he is out of Foster care, I did not have any baby pictures. We wrote about his adoption on the time line. Many teachers still do family tree type activities and I think they appreciate knowing that not all students will have that info. To my family, the adoption is not an everyday topic, but is still very special.

[mayaprincess]

As a teacher, I can tell you that we do not need to know. The only time I was told about a foster/adoption case was because the child was being removed from the foster home to be adopted. Other than that, I peronally do not think that is is relevant to her academic study.

I think it is a personal choice.

[buttascotchbaby]

I am one who is very open about our adoption. My case may be different (as a PP stated) since I adopted through the foster care system. I took my cues from my kids. They became very comfortable letting people know that they were in foster care and then celebrating their adoption (since it took almost 3 years to get from placement to finalization they/we had a lot of supportive friends, classmates, etc.), so we are all very open about it. I, personally, felt that there could be nothing wrong with being open and honest. My kids know that they are just as much loved and cherished as my bio son is and are treated no differently.

There was also the issue of school stuff -family trees, family history, pictures, etc. My kids teachers were grateful to be aware of the kids' situations so that they could be sensitive in these cases. I th ink I was far more worried about it than my kids were!

To the OP: you have to do what feels right for your family. I am so proud of the fact that I grew my family through adoption that I will talk about it to whomever will listen! LOL I find that (so far!) I have not run into anyone who looks at adoption as anything other than positive.

Good luck!

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by court5505

I've always been one that said I wouldn't volunteer the fact that my daughter is adopted to her teachers unless the need came up. Well next week is her first parent teacher conference. With the possibility of the up-coming adoption of #2, I'm wondering if I should mention it to her teacher. I don't want DD going to school talking about her baby sister and the teacher thinking she's crazy because I'm obviously not pregnant. Any suggestions?

Yes, mention it as your dd's behavior may change in school. It will help the teacher support her in class if that is necessary. No need to go into details or anything--and make it clear you are mentioning it because of the upcoming second adoption. Also make it clear you expect your privacy to be respected. I love all the teachers at my school, but some need that little reminder.

[court5505]

Thanks for the suggestions everyone. I think I will probably end up telling her. DD goes to a Catholic school and will continue to go there through 8th grade. We are very involved in our church and a lot of people there know that DD is adopted and that we are in the process of adopting #2. It certainly is no secret and I really don't worry about the teacher treating DD any differently.

[Blessed2x.]

I'm a teacher, and I find it helpful to know when a new baby is added to the family, however it is. This helps me to tune in with what is going on with the child. I do not need to know if the student is adopted unless it is somehow affecting the child's current life.

[mumofone]

I feel it is a very personal choice. I did not divulge the fact that my older son was adopted when he started school.

When we adopted our second son, my son did the broadcasting. lol Heck, even the bus driver stopped to offer congratulations. lol

When we adopted our daughter, we adopted her at age 3 1/2, and she spoke of her adoption very openly at pre-school, so I did speak to her teachers. She just started Grade Primary this past September, and I did write it on her papers just in case they forgot, because I'm sure everyone knew from our older guy again. lol

The only reason I mentioned it about my daughter is because she does speak very openly about her foster parents, etc., and even though she is home almost two years, there is still a few issues with attaching/bonding.

Hope that helps.

[jp4ga]

I do not think it is necessary to tell the teacher that you DD is adopted. Once you are matched you may want to let the teacher know that you are planning to adopt. We told our sons teacher, so that she could keep us posted on any behavior changes. Lucky for us there were not issues at school because of our adoption plans.

[sambob]

I think it would be beneficial to let the teacher know you are currently in the adoption process. It would be helpful for the teacher to know about any changes that might affect his/her students. If the teacher doesn't know what's going on at home, it's hard to help the student in the classroom.

[portlowski]

A doctor who works with kids who have been exposed in utero to drugs and alcohol once told me never to tell my (adopted) child's teacher if he had been exposed to drugs prenatally. The reason was because then the teacher might attribute every single behavior or learning issue to being a "drug baby" when it is highly likely that some of these behaviors might be present no matter what. Also, a teacher might be more inclined to look for problems where there weren't any.

It turned out the child we adopted was not exposed to drugs prenatally, but some fridns have told us that they think some teachers have preconceptions about adopted children...that they are more likely to have behavior or learning problems etc. This might influence whether I will tell my son's teachers about his adoption right away.

Please know I do not want to malign teachers. I have the highest respect for them, but they are people, and like all people they may have certain biases.

Just a thought...

[sambob]

I suppose there's no need to disclose that your daughter's adopted if you don't want to, just that you're currently in the process of adopting a baby.

[melissa_bear003]

Unless they are someone who needs family medical history, I don't think I would.

Speaking from a personal view, my Dad is technically my 'step' dad...but it wasn't something that anyone needed to know.

My husband is adopted, and his mother STILL announces to anyone and everyone that he's adopted, even intros him as 'My adopted son...' and he hates it.

I still honestly think that there is some prejudice about adoption, esp from foster care, so I wouldn't want to risk it.

Course, you could always ask your dd (I don't know how old she is) if SHE wants the teacher to know.