[court5505]

I think I will probably let the teacher know that we have been matched with a baby that is due in December and to let us know if she sees any changes in DD. If she asks if DD is adopted, I will tell her but I probably won't volunteer it. I guess just because we are adopting a new baby, she may not automatically assume that DD is adopted as well.

[Saya]

Well it's pretty obvious to Anabel's pre-school teachers that she's adopted since she's a different race then DH and I! I'm not sure what I would have done if we were a less conspicious family. But I will say that one of the many reasons I love her pre-school is how pro-adoption it is. There are MANY families that are open about the fact that they were formed by adoption, and in fact the whole school is making plans to celebrate national adoption day in November! Which is not to say to the OP that she should tell the teacher - that's a personal choice - but just that at some schools adoption is not a stigma. I want my daughter to celebrate who she is and where she comes from, including the fact that she is adopted, and I'm glad her school wants to be a part of that.

[loveajax]

Normally, I would say yes, let the teacher know. But oddly after seeing some posts here (not in this thread) and looking at some statistics, I worry that adopted kids are more likely to be "labeled" by teachers/school psychologists with ADD and other stuff. So I'm not sure what to do...

To me, it's also "obvious" that we adopted DD and on her preschool forms, I put that she is biracial (they did not ask about adoption). But I think some of her preschool teachers "don't know." I actually think I will leave it for DD to tell people/teachers, etc. as she wants to.

Saya, I think that your preschool sounds great!

[Blessed2x.]

As a teacher AND adoptee, I would be inclined to think any students that were adopted were extra smart and clever! I personally dislike the stereotypes about adopted people.

The only reason to tell the teacher that the child is adopted is if there are issues affecting the child currently.

[sadiegirl]

Court,

I think you already made up your mind...but I would not tell the teacher that DD is adopted. It's not necessary IMO.

Yes, that you are in the process for #2 but I don't think she needs to know about DD.

As a (former) teacher myself, I do think *some* teachers, knowing that info, will make all sorts of assumptions. Even if DD is just being bratty one day (as all preschoolers are wont to do), she might think, "well, she's like this b/c she's adopted".

Just not worth it, IMO.

I guess I am "lucky" (??) in that DS looks JUST LIKE me. I mean, spitting image like me. It kinda freaks my family out! So I'll probably never offer up that info to his teachers ever.

Good luck!

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by court5505

I think I will probably let the teacher know that we have been matched with a baby that is due in December and to let us know if she sees any changes in DD. If she asks if DD is adopted, I will tell her but I probably won't volunteer it. I guess just because we are adopting a new baby, she may not automatically assume that DD is adopted as well.

If people at the school don't already know, then it may not be necessary for you to tell the teacher, especially if she was adopted as an infant or very young.

Just FYI--I work at an elementary school and we adopted our nephew--he was 6 1/2 at the time. No way people at school could not figure out he was adopted!!

He is fine with it--it's not a constant topic of conversation. Things worked out really well for us, because the behavior specialist is also a family therapist who had worked with foster families in the past. She was his therapist (I contracted privately outside of school) for a year. It was great that she could see him during the school day casually, and she knew his teachers. Made the therapy very effective. They even went out to lunch during the school day several times.

With your love and care, I think your dd will do great.

[akcskye]

I don't "offer it up" like a badge of glory, but when my kids first came home, I DID explain to their new teachers that they were adopted so if there were ANY issues regarding the children's behavior, the line of communication was open and to contact me...anytime, day or night.

I guess it was part of "covering the bases" for me...because my kids moved home for good 2 days before school started...well, school actually started the day they moved home, but it took all day to get them home, then the next day, we had to keep them out because we had to enroll them, do checkups, etc.

The kids were total strangers to us in all reality, so in contrast to what Sadie said, I didn't want any behaviors that would be easily explainable from an adopted kid to be misconceived as abuse or neglect issues from a biological home.

I can handle teachers and pre-conceived notions about adopted children...I can get that nipped in the bud...what I didn't want was an anonymous call to DHS about the kids when they were not finalized, when the fact they were adopted could have explained a lot of whatever it was they were having trouble with had the teacher chosen to bypass family and go straight to DHS.

Of course, everyone out there knows they were adopted now (and thankfully, both of my kid's teachers had been touched by foster care and adoption personally so KNEW what to look for), and now the the "new" has LONG since worn off...and the kids never did act out...they fit right in...so we were blessed all the way around.

[loveajax]

Kristi, your kids are so cute!!!

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by melissa_bear003

My husband is adopted, and his mother STILL announces to anyone and everyone that he's adopted, even intros him as 'My adopted son...' and he hates it..

Oh my gosh. I would be like "I wish my adoptive mom would stop saying that!".

[yehudit]

Hello,
We recently went through this with my son who is in Pre-K. He is a biological child, so that part of it never came up, but I did tell the teachers we were about to adopt both so they could be extra nurturing to him and also to explain his absence from school. As it turns out, "Aaron's baby" is the talk of the classroom and he is the proud big brother

Good luck,

[manni28]

As an adoptee I wouldn't want my teacher or classmates to know I was adopted unless I wanted them to know, it would be my choice to share.

[melissa_bear003]

Originally Posted by Kat-L

Oh my gosh. I would be like "I wish my adoptive mom would stop saying that!".

Honestly, you wouldn't BELIEVE the crap that's come out of that woman's mouth! When I was pg with our son, she thanked me for having a baby with my dh, cause "he'll be a REAL dad now!" and "I've been telling everyone that I'm going to be a REAL Grandma!" (I had 2 children before I met my dh)

Can I tell ya, it did not go over well? Not even the teeniest little bit? It got to the point where dh did say to her, "If biology is SO important to you, then you should deal with the fact that you're not related to ANYONE here!"

Lets just say she should probably have stuck to raising fish, instead of adopting a child.