[Whirled_Peas]

My husband went back to work when our baby was 3 days old. I have been a SAHM with a 2.75 year old and newborn for the past 6 weeks.

At first it wasn't as hard as having the first baby. I've made the adjustments from being an independent adult to being a mom--which I think is the hardest part. But now I guess I'm just getting tired. Not physically tired, I've never had trouble with sleep deprivation, it's just emotionally tired. I'm so sick of a filthy house, but I think it's far more important to play with my kids than it is to worry about my house.

The hardest part is my son gets so rambunctious and it's hard to deal with while nursing the baby.

I want to say more, but my son is wanting attention. We're going to the children's museum. He's much easier to be with when we go places. If we could at least play outside, but the mosquitoes are too much for the baby.

I wish we lived in a culture where people helped new moms. I have had no help except the few hours my husband is home from work. And then he's as overwhelmed as I am and trying to muttle through this just like I am.

[mommieof2cuties]

I find that the more I get kids out the better it is for everyone. I am not sure but do you have a screened patio or something? If you do go get a mini pool like 5.00 at babies r us or walmart, and a water table like 20- and up again at the same stores! They have been a lifesaver for me, my patio is off my familyroom, so the older kids 2 and up can play while I am in the familyroom with the little ones. Nothing can happen to them, they cannot get out, I can see them at all times, and they have so much fun with the water, getting wet, playing with the toys, going back and fourth. I can also put the baby swing outside on the patio and the baby can take in what is going on. I also have had my six week old children all in the pool, so something else fun to do. I also wear the baby gives me freedom to do whatever needs to be done with the older ones. Here bugs are a huge issue, so I fully feel you on that end. We go to story time and art time etc, fun things for the older kids. I use naptime and rest hour for the kids to be in their rooms while the baby and I spend some down time together. Hope this helps. I have been trying to start a parenting group but so hard to do for some reason!

Summer

[minibus]

I hear you! We got a two-for-one .. Our daughter (20 months at the time) and our son (3 1/2 months old at the time) came home with us at the same time so we went from a family with no kids to a family with two kids under two in one minute! It is hard to have both of them at the same time - our daughter gets rambunctious and while she's trying to get our attention when we're feeding/changing/playing with our son, she almost always trips over him, bumps him, etc.

One thing that's worked well for us is to create a big space (for us it's downstairs in our finished basement) where she has room to roam around and lots of things to do. I don't know if that's an option for you, but it's worked well for us. That's pretty much the only way that one of us can handle both kids at the same time.

[Whirled_Peas]

Thanks for the ideas. Alas we don't have a screened in area and our house is small so no big areas for him to play in. We do get out most days. It's really the house that's getting me down. When my son was little I was this bummed about the dog hair so got a roomba and all was well. This time it's not an issue as there is so much stuff laying around that you really don't see the dog hair. (LOL)

I wear the baby constantly and find the bending over required to clean is harder than I want to do. Also, since she is so little, she has no head support so I have to be cautious.

We had a great time at the museum today and I feel better. Both kids are asleep now. I'd put the baby down and clean some, but she wakes when I lay her down. I'm a firm believer in the long-term benefits of holding your baby and don't do cry it out, so this is the package I've bought.

Thanks for listening.

[jalapeno]

It gets easier. Doing just about anything takes planning and practice but it does get easier. My house is usually a mess because I've still often got at least one boy on my hip. And they won't do the baby carrier anymore. I have a down day periodically where I'm really bummed about the house and things in general that I can't seem to get done. But mostly I'm too busy and having too much fun with my kids to let it get to me. It gets easier once the baby's on a more predictable schedule. It got a lot easier for me once my boys started sleeping through the night. And we have such great times now that the kids are old enough to play together. If I'm lucky, they manage to keep each other entertained long enough for me to fold a load of laundry from time to time.

[BrandyHagz]

Have you considered having someone come in and do some minor cleaning/dusting/helping out around the house once a week or something?

The expense involved may be worth it - for your sanity.

[chrisandaaron]

I hear ya. It does help to know that it does get better. I was overwhelmed the first time around, but I didn't really know the difference since we had 2 babies almost from the beginning. Now that we have baby #3 (boys are almost 3 and daughter is 4 mo) I get NOTHING done around the house. Everyone tells me "don't worry about it, you have 3 kids", but it doesn't really make me feel better. Getting out does help...we go to the mall play area, Burger King play area, the YMCA, ect.... The more I sit around looking at my messy disorganized house the more it bugs me.

Do you have anyone (friend, neighbor, family) that can help by watching the kids for just one day or even a few hours? I am amazed at how much I can get done in one day with no kids and it makes me feel much better. I also recommend picking up all the toys, ect.. at naptime and before you go to bed. It is always the last thing I want to do, but it actually takes less than 10 minutes and it makes me feel good to see a slightly more organized house. I feel much more in control. This past weekend I spent 4 hours and a bunch of $$ at the laundry mat washing all my piled up laundry. I was literally standing on 2 ft. of dirty clothes in my closet just to get to my clean clothes. I feel like a weight has been lifted. It is amazing to see the floor in my closet again...for the first time in months.

Finally, I highly second the recommendation for a cleaning person (even just once or twice) if at all possible. I can't explain the relief I feel when I walk into a nice clean house (even if I know it will only last a short time).

[ChromaKelly]

Look for a MOMS Club in your area, it's a support group for SAHM's. I joined one last year, and it's been a great source of friendship and support. We do meals for families when they have a new baby (I'm getting meals this week!) and do things like babysitting when a family has a crisis. We have playgroups, mom's night out, stuff like that. It's great to get together with other SAHM's, and it's much easier for me to take the kids out to a plaground or whatever when I'm with a group, we all look out for each other's kids.

I currently have two just-turned three yr olds and a newborn. At times this week I've been like "uhh... how do I do this?" but I do have to say, it's been pretty good. I feel like I probably have it a little easier having twins since they do play with each other (although we're currently in "she's looking at me!", so I do have to referee). It really helps to involve the older child(ren) in caretaking of the baby. Have him go get a blanket, take a wipe out of the container, they just love doing stuff like that.

[Adopted-B-4]

I have twin 4 1/2 year old boys and now a 9 1/2 month old. I have to say, MOPS have helped me get through a lot of things. It's a Christian moms of preschoolers group. Very supportive and never make you feel crazy about any feelings you might have. Not to mention, helping with anything and everything, from babysitting to cleaning, just friends! Because of them, I didn't have to cook for quite a while after our daughter arrived.

Getting out of the house certainly helps everyone though. The only suggestions I might have about the mosquitoes would be mosquito netting over a playplen. The netting is relatively inexpensive and you can just drape it over. I don't know if you have a library with preschool storytime, but that's always a fun outing. The cleaning, well, I really don't have much to help. I was just telling my husband today that I just can't stay ahead of the mess. The suggestion of getting someone to come in and clean is a good one. When the boys were infants, I had someone come in and clean every week for a while until I got it all organized and under control, I think I might have to do that again! Good luck!