[crystalp]

We are licensed through our state DCFS for foster care and adoption. Right now, our CW knows we only want one child, 12 months or younger. We said this because we already have 3 kids, ages 6 and twin 4 year olds, and the twins take a lot of energy. Plus, I really want one more little baby!

But I can't shake this feeling that we are supposed to be looking at about a 1 1/2-2 1/2 year old and also a little baby. Maybe a sibling group. I've had this feeling for a while now, and I really want to do it, but frankly I'm scared! What if we can't handle it? I really don't want to disrupt. That would be horrible! I would really LOVE to have another child that is closer in age to the twins instead of a 4 year gap. I think that we could make bedroom arrangements work, too. Our kids are each in their own room, and even though we really wanted our youngest DD to have her own room (she really needs her sleep and a place to cool down by herself, or she gets really, really cranky), I think that we could figure something out if this is what we are supposed to do.

I know I can handle adding a little baby to the family, but it's the older child that gives me pause. I really want to do it, but I wonder if we have the ability to give the older child, a baby, and our current children all of the attention that they need. On the other hand, we are really religious, and I can't help but think this is a prompting from above. Am I crazy to want to do this?

[cbrink7]

You can probably handle a lot more than you think I am with you those gut feelings have never lead me in the wrong even if it hurts like heck doing what it tells me is right...those feelings are hard to ignore!

Good Luck with your decision!

[Mom2Max]

I know how you feel. I am also struggling with "gut feelings". They are often not what you want to feel or feel ready to handle. I don't have any answers but I hope you are able to find the best solution for you.

[devildogwife]

Originally Posted by crystalp

On the other hand, we are really religious, and I can't help but think this is a prompting from above. Am I crazy to want to do this?

If you think God might be speaking to you, he probably is! I think that if you've been thinking about it and praying about it and your husband is on board, that might be the direction you need to go in.

[crystalp]

Thanks everyone for the encouragement and thoughts! I'm definitely going to have a talk with my husband tonight (or tomorrow night if he had a bad day at work today LOL!). We have talked about it before, and DH has expressed concerns over it (the same ones I have), but I still feel so drawn to it! I have definitely been thinking and praying about it for a long time. We'll see what we decide.

[Linny]

I'm certainly ALL for gut feelings, as you say. And, I DO think the Lord has ways of speaking to us-----have had that MORE than once in our lives...as I'm sure others have had the same!

BUT.......I would also tell you:

We, too, are hoping to adopt another baby. We'd really prefer privately...though I continue to look and inquire about little ones on state websites. Having adopted from the foster care system, it's certain that you'll have to devote more time than usual to a child who's been in the system....even if it's only been one foster home. (BTDT...and thought it would be SUCH a difference of ease....it wasn't. )

Further, it's a fact as well, that when adopting from the foster care system....or even an older baby privately......when you have other children in your home (even littler ones)....you have to consider that ALL OF YOU are now 'adopting another child'. And that's something I think a lot of famlies don't take into consideration. You not only have to consider how a new child will fit with you and your spouse, but also how your other children 'will fit'. Sometimes, that's a LOT easier said than done. (And we had children that were very agreeable, very open to having more kids in the home. Still, as a couple of years went on, the situations at hand became more and more taxing.)

You're wise to consider well.....because disruption (and even dissolution or placement in RTC) IS awful!!!! It's gut wrenching and just plain horrible!!!!! But, it happens more often than systems would like you to know.....

Soooo, while I think God may be talking to you......be sure as well-----and I say this, because sometimes my own heart gets in the way more than what I really think God is trying to tell me(?)..........be sure that you really have considered all avenues. I'll even go so far as to talk to your private agency to see if they ever get older baby situations to place. I've known a few that did...and sometimes, couples DON'T want to take an older baby. In that case, you could come into the picture that way, without necessarily dealing with children who've been in the system. If you're not already in a support group for adopting families from the state foster system, you might consider joining one. They'd probably be your best bet in seeing what it can really be like, KWIM?

Just please be careful; and try not to solely listen to your heart. I KNOW how hard it can be. My best to you as you pursue this course. (((HUG)))

Sincerely,

Linny

[crystalp]

Well, DH and I talked about it, and we decided to go for it! DH was really good about it, I can tell that he believes that it is a prompting from above also. We said that we are going to go on faith. I'm so excited!! Now, I have to pick up a few things that we will need for an older child!